My Heart, My Pain Wont Cover Up...

been thinking again...i HAVE to stop my bitching...i complain about everything...and i am starting to annoy myself...im not that unhappy...im really not...i was a lot unhapper before..but this last year changed me alot...this last year has been hard...and i have no problems with talking about it...maybe that is what scares people? im not afriad to talk about my life...there is nothing that i wont talk about...sure I've been through some hard stuff...but talking about it is a good thing...like moving here, going through the pain of growing up...and i went through that just like everyone else...im no different...i just learned to talk about it...i dont know if that is a good thing or not...i know i have great friends...i really do...i have people there for me no matter what...im that kinda person...people dont forget me easy...everytime i got back to parksville i remember that...so why cant other people see that? im the same person...i will probably listen better then anybody ever...i just sit there and let people talk...i keep people sane...dont know how...i just go with what i am told...im not as outgoing as some of my friends but im the one you can always count on...secrets go with me to the grave...i cant help helping...when i see fighing i try and help ususally fucking myself over...which i have done too many times...but i like being in the middle...i like helping...im a people person..i like helping people...maybe that scares you all? i can read people really well...i can see when people are trying to get attention and when they are really hurting...even if the "smile" is there. i read peoples eyes...a talent i have...i can read people really well if i can see their eyes...and dont try lying to me...i can see right through it. im worth peoples time and friendship so why is it im not getting it? why am i not getting what i deserve?