what an effing year

i think its time to reflect on this year...boy it was a hell of a year....

started off with the best new years ever...i met josh at the party and hes one of my bestest friends now...got my first tattoo1!! then i went straight into urinetown which was a fucking blast. finished that up in feb and moved right into cats rehersal and then a night at the palace shows, and my party in march. that brought cat and the end of school. april really was just a bunch of sitting around doing nothing :P hey i finished school i took a break lol, i spent it with old friends. may brought tears and memories. neil passed away on the year anniversery of johns passing...that was intence and really hard to take. i got to go to the titanic exibit as well that month which was amazing. june starts off really shitty and ends that way. bryan went missing on the 1st (i found out on the 3rd) i went out and partyed with the best of them, one for the closing show of nemo (also bj's last show...boy i cried a lot last year ) and then there was the commencemnt party where i met Jono (one of the best things to happen to me all year) july came in just like june. Ian died on the first, i went to warped tour on the second, had the best 30 ish hours of my entire life. emma leigh gets pissed and me and hasnt talked to me since. i got back go to ians funeral and then head to camp. over the next month its just working, i met some amazing people, had some amazing adventures, harry potter came out, that was sweet. went back to work. had the most amazing week of camp. what a way to start aug. my birthday was so awesome. i got my lip pierced and my tattoo! went to bars, had my friends band over...it was just amazing. went back to work. work got hard but it was life changing. ended the summer with a few days at my second house. sept came in and back to school. i was so scared to go back but i honestly couldnt wait. i loved being in the theatre and still do. the mixer happened which was great. then tim died and i lost it. i got into this amazing school so i left mal adn started looking for a job. well that didnt go over well cus i got a cist which caused me a lot of pain. october was good. i stayed home a lot went out for halloween which was awesome. still looking for a job but im optimistic. this last month i've really spent time finding me...doing things for me...christmas was good, i went out to the bar with mummy on the 23rd and all in all im glad this year happened

this year was def not the easyest but it happened and im way stronger cus it did. i lost three people i cared about. made some amazing new friends, has some amazing adventures and some horrible decisions.



THE YEAR 2007


1. What did you do in 2007 that you'd never done before?
went to a concert!!
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i dont do resloutions
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
my cousins g/f
4. Did anyone close to you die?
RIP Ian and Tim and Neil <3 please come home bryan
5. What countries did you visit?
i stayed in canada
6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
ambition
7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
warped tour, july 1st, june 3rd, sept 25th-oct 1st
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
not having an emotional break down many many times
9. What was your biggest failure?
being lazy and not finding a job
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
a few bad injuries from camp and a chipped tooth
11. What was the best thing you bought?
electric guitar, keyboard, tattoo's
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
they know who they are
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
emma leigh
14. Where did most of your money go?
every which way
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
warped tour, getting into metalworks
16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
lights and sounds by yellowcard, friends and alibis by escape the fate
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? i'd say a little bit sadder
b) thinner or fatter? thinner
c) richer or poorer? pooreer
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
finding a job
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
quitting
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
with my family for the first time in 2 years...its all us this year <3
21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
only with max from escape the fate <33
23. How many one-night stands?
None :D
24. What was your favourite TV program?
top model, next great american band
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i dont like to hate
26. What was the best book you read?
twilight/eclipse
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
escape the fate, boys like girls, cascade
28. What did you want and get?
guitar hero 3 :D, the job at moorecroft, getting into metalworks
29. What did you want and not get?
a lot of things
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
hairspray, bridge to terabitha
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
19 and it was the best ever
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
not having reasons to cry
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
def a little bit older
34. What kept you sane?
music,
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
max green <3
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
they all piss me off now
37. Who did you miss?
people who cant come back
38. Who was the best new person you met?
kat, josh, jono
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007:
just be yourself and have fun. dont stress out to much. trust God

THE YEAR 2008

1. Will you be looking for a new job?
of yeah
2. Will you be looking for a new relationship?
no
3. New house?
nope
4. What will you do different in 08?
get out of my house more
5. New Years resolution?
save at least 15,000 for schooling
6. What will you not be doing in 08?
dwelling, im going to try at least
7. Any trips planned?
not right now but who knows!
8. Wedding plans?
haha not for myself
9. What's on your calendar?
hopefully working
10. What can't you wait for?
moving to ontario and going to school
11. What would you like to see happen differently?
the way i present myself
12. What about yourself will you be changing?
i still need to grow up a lot more if i plan on moving out
13. What happened in 07 that you didn't think would ever happen?
i didnt think i would have such a shift in what i want to do
14. Will you be nicer to the people you care about?
im going to try
15. Will you dress differently this year than you did in 07?
yup....need to act more grown up i do
16. Will you start or quit drinking?
im cutting back a lot!
17. Will you better your relationship with your family?
im trying very hard to
18. Will you do charity work?
i always do
19. Will you go to bars?
maybe a little
20. Will you be nice to people you don't know?
for sure
21. Do you expect 08 to be a good year for you?
im going to make everything count this year so yes
22. How much did you change from this time last year til now?
more the i thought i could
23. Do you plan on having a child?
def not in the next year
24. Will you still be friends with the same people you are friends with now?
im not going to be all the optimisic but i hope so
25. Major lifestyle changes?
getting healthy
26. Will you be moving?
not in a year
27. What will you make sure doesn't happen in 08 that happened in 07?
letting myself get lazy and stop working for what i want to acomplish
28. What are your New Years Eve plans?
maybe going to the bar
29. Will you have someone to kiss at midnight?
i know who i want but im in serous doubt it will happen
30. Wish for 2008?
to keep growing as a person and acomplish some very hard goals this year

bands that changed my life in 2007
1: escape the fate
2: boys like girls
3: yellowcard
4: cascada
5: skillet

songs that change my life in 2007
1: friends and alibis - escape the fate
2: thunder - boys like girls
3: lights and sounds -yellowcard
4: let love in - goo goo dolls
5: blessed be your name - tree 63


so heres to a good 2007 and a brand new start in 2008!!

Merry Christmas

so here we are... Christmas eve. mines been very good...i went out to the bar last night and sang karaoke... that was fun. met some really awesome gay guys. they were so much fun to hang out with. I'm going there for new years to I'm thinking. so that is going to rock. I'm having my turkey dinner tonight and my uncle stopped by today. all in all its been a great holiday (i now have over 200$ in gift certificates that don't expire! that's going to help a bunch!!) i cant wait to see my sister open her gifts. with her disability she still believes in Santa although she is 11. and probably will for a long time. so that makes me happy to see the joy on her face every year! 

well that's all for now. 

Merry Christmas

if only i could turn back time

time goes so fast. i hate the holiday season for just that reason. before we know it it will be christmas 2008 ... a year just doesnt seem like that much to me anymore. it just makes me think...its been 15 years since the last christmas i spent with my whole family. my baby cousin is 15 this year and in grade 10...and her brother is 12! thats crazy! i havnt seen my aunt or my cousins in 12+ years....i've never met my 12 year old cousin. they only live in prince george.

everyone always talks about family. how horrible it is. how much a certian grandparent is annoying/old whatever. guys i dont have any grandparents. my fathers father is brain damaged. he hardly even knows me anymore. my great grandmother on my moms side is still kicken but she isnt doing well. my family all lives in alberta and i never see them. the only person i really see on my fathers side is my uncle tommy who visits once a year...he lives in vancouver. and on my moms side my uncle randy who lives in coombs and i see ... once a year. i hate when people bitch about family. in the end its all you got. i hold the family i have very close now. my mother, my sister, my brother.

holidays always make me mad. i hear people all the time complaining that they have to go to some "family dinner" or "cook dinner for everyone this year" i just want to scream. i havnt had a big family dinner in 15 years! what i wouldnt give to have my family around on christmas. what i wouldnt give to see my little cousins or my baby 2nd cousins!

so heres my christmas wish. tell everyone you love them. that grandma who still thinks you 10 or that annoying uncle. treat them like gold. cus thats what they are

i hate the ones that love to hate cus they're just like me

haha yay etf! honestly i love them...i just downloaded their ep and another ep that they just released...makes me happy. also dl'd the new hedley album...should be good

so i actually left my house tonight. it was nice. went to my brother band concert, got to see some friends, the old drama teacher put up all the old pictures from the shows in the 80's. they were pretty sweet to look at. i got to talk to my friend about the show they are doing. im sooooo excited to go see it. they are doing moulin rouge!! im fucking excited. keep in mind i know these people so well and its going to be awesome to see people play these roles. expecially satine and christian. stoked!!

good chance the new years party will be at my house so anyone who reads this is more then invited, but im sure you'll all have your own!!

wish ya'll the best! <3

i cant believe i let myself get hurt again...why am i so fucked up? i honestly dont know what to do...actually i do but that costs money. i want to leave....i want to leave and never come back.....fuck i dont know what to do anymore.

this is the last night you'll spend alone

when did i become relationship counciler?!?!?! like holy fuck!? its crazy!
it makes me feel usefull when people come to me....
i just wish i could take my own fucking advice!

i hope you had the time of your life

i am extremly happy right now...but as we know michelle doesnt write about happy things in this blog :P

bryan has been missing for 6 months today...wow....thats unbelievable....i really cant believe this happened. people dont just vanish off the earth. its really worse not knowing. a horrible part of myself just wants some news. this waiting game sucks. in my heart i know that he isnt here anymore. thats a hard fact to come to. i spent soooo many years trying to find the people i went to school with on the mainland. i had just found ashley (one of my best friends over there) and was trying so hard to find bryan only to see him on the news. do you know what that is like? i have now watched 4 friends come on the news after their passing. and its almost worse. it makes you think of every persont that dies that you hear about. there is a family attached to that. there are friends and people who loved them. i've always been a sensitive person but that makes watching the news almost impossible. watching tim's come on the news was probably the worst. they went to my high school and talked to some of the people there...and i couldnt be there. and im not going to be able to be there anymore. high school is supposted to get you ready for the real world. but it really doesnt. it lures you into this false security. false family. and before you know it its all gone.

i really am happy right now guys....i just....im lost.

so with this i leave you....




escape the fate playing vancouver warped tour...im in the front with the camera :D