I Throw My Hands Up In The Air Sometimes

2 weeks done !! LOL its been pretty awesome so far. the schooling is heavy... but the people so far are awesome... the drama has yet to present itself lol we'll see how long that goes. working my first show on lights since high school... lordy I missed it... I missed theatre in general so freaking much... I was not born to work retail. I love working in the creative field and theatre right now is my genre. That may change but for now this is what I am doing. I am def going back for a third year at VIU. The teachers there are some of the best so why bother dealing with moving next year? Going to UBC wont teach me anything that VIU can't. I wont get the same degree but I'm ok with that. School will only take you so far. You have to get out and work and having a teacher that is still working in and around theatre is invaluable.

after that... who knows. I love music and tech but I'm not that big a fan of musicals... BUT techs work on rock shows. Thats kinda where I see myself. Thats what I wanted to do two years ago and I think that would be the best job in the world. Long hours, working tech, traveling... I'm so there! those were the best times in high school. working the festivals is awesome!

Can We Pretend...

That Airplanes In The Night Sky Are Like Shooting Stars?

I been thinking again. Last monday I went to Emma-leighs smoothie night... and I needed it. I needed to be reminded of friends that arn't going anywhere. Last time I attempted college I was stuck in the past. I was caught between not wanting to make new friends and trying to replace those I had. What I had in high school is never going to happen again. That was special and the people are special. I have to remember this year that I have friends that are going to be there not matter what. And to just be me... Not try and fit in where I do. Be completely un-afraid. I had the option this year of not taking acting. But I want to for the simple fact of gaining confidence in front of people. I want this year to be completely different from the last time. I have a lot to prove. Mainly to myself. Its going to be a hell of a year. I have 7 courses. Thats a hell of a lot. I need to learn to ask for help. I need to stay focused.

I still have no idea what I'm doing next year. There are a few options I am looking at. School can only take you so far. You need to actually get out there and be! I know of a few people who are just kinda floating around right now. So maybe the goal is just to learn as much as I can and move to Vancouver. We'll see!

Road Trip Much?

I'm behind again on the bloggin... I know I promised that I would keep people updated on the Monkey experances so here's the Portland, Seattle, Vancouver Road Trip

So it all started when I saw that Backstreet Boys were playing Vancouver right by my birthday. So I decided I'm going to go to Vancouver for my 22nd bday and hang our there. About few weeks before the BSB show 100 Monkeys posts a show a week earlyer (Monkeys was on the 29th of july, BSB on Aug 6th) so I decide what the hell I'm going. About a week before I have to leave, the monkeys are putting streaming a show online and there is a chat. So I start talking with this girl from vancouver who tells me she's driving down to Portland and Seattle to see the guys play. So I said I wish I could go with you and she tells me "Why Not?" lol so then plans get made. I head to her house on the 26th of July!

We did descover that we had known each other from other shows and from girl guides. which was a bit odd lol. So I get to her house and we make T-shirts that have iron on writing on them. One of my shirts is green and it has all the guys initals around the V Neck. Scott's Initials on one of the sleeves, gus' name on the other and Team Bananager On the back! the other one says "100 Monkeys Swing Further In Vancouver" so once those are done we have to make banana muffins for a friend of Christine's. Then we decide to try and make the guys something else... well we ran out of time... yup thats right... we stayed up allll night lol. So we leave Christine's house around 6 am and head out to pick someone else up. We finally get on the road around 7 ish and to the boarder about 8 (after stopping at duty free to pick up cheep booze :P )

Drive down is long and kinda boring lol. My phone doesn't work to well across the boarder cus they dont have rogers down there... But we get to portland around 2. The guys were putting on a show at Voodoo Doughnuts before the actual show. So we get there and me and Christine decide to down some liquor lol. The guys show up and play for a bit... it was so awesome to hear them again. I got my Uncle Hug per usual. Got to say hi to Scott who I havnt seen in to many months. said Hi to Marty and Ben and everyone else! good times!

So then we head to wal mart to get some things we needed. Then head to the show. We get into the doors and i get a spot close to the front like normal :P. Kissing Club is on first and I was a dancing :P Then the guys came on and charmed like normal. After the show I got the set list (my first lol) and Scott told us all to stick around (early I had asked him if Gus could sign my shirt... ) I don't like chatting with him much onstage cus I know what its like to load in and out.

So the guys do a signing after the show. When its our turn I gave them these Monkey things I had made... and Told Jerad its my 10th show the next day to which I got a high five. Christine gave Ben G a lighter with a monster flame (to which Marty was NOT a happy camper... I promised to bring him a bucket of water lol) Uncle was very happy with his monkey I made him he asked me for a kiss on the cheek! After the signing we chilled outside the venue for a bit... I was waiting for gus! Gus had to go to another hotel :( but we did get to chit chat with Scott for about a half an hour. then we eat and went to bed (we were tired lol)

Woke up and checked out by about 9. Headed for breaky and to a massive book store in portland! then to a mall for hot topic and some other little shopping. Stopped at a doller store for one thing and ended up buying the guys some candy and monkey cups. All our shopping put us kinda late getting to Seattle. But we ended up near the front anyways. I went outside to talk to Jake (Kissing Club) and I asked him to spray paint a heart on my jeans. (its 3 weeks later and there is still a very faint heart in some spots on my leg!) he signed it later that night. Sirens Sister was up first and they were awesome. Local Seattle Band. Then Kissing Club then the Boys. After the guys finished their first set like thing I went to talk with Jake and the singing of SS. He promises shows in Vancouver:P then the guys came on for a 4 or 5 song encoure.

Then we waited outside to talk with them. They didn't come out for long but Gus did sign my shirt! (Which was EPIC) They were all kinda running to the cars and I asked Uncle for my hug. He told me he was hugging my soul cus they had to run. Then he says "Fuck It" throws down his stuff and give me a bear hug! It was great! then as the guys are leaving I yell to Johnson "see you tomorrow" and he was like "really" and I said "Yeah we're from Vancouver" so we drive back (I slept most of the way lol) and crawl into bed about 4am.

Woke up the next day and drove to my uncles. Got to the Venue about 4:30. Me and Karley hang in the back like usual. lol I had bought a Glow Stick Hat at the doller store and got people to wear it! Had an actual conversation with Ben J... Which has never happened to me. Bugged Alex and some other Manipulators. Then the show. Manipulators were awesome as always. Then the boys and it was so nice to have them back in Vancouver! Jerad put the glow hat on for me onstage! lol

after the show as usual we went around back. Got to talk to Marty and Scott as well as the Merch Guy! the boys again ran into the cars.

well we stayed a bit to talk to some of the guys in the Manipulators... and Ben G walks out of the Venue lol... always count the monkeys in the cars! SO we chatted some more and the night ended.

I went back to my uncles and the epicness that was our road trip was over.

I may or may not blog about the fireworks and pride and BSB.... We'll see lol

Acting

Stolen From Alleah

LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR: Bard 2 Broadway Summer 07
DID YOU GET IT: Nope
LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION: Time Of Your Life - Greenday
FAVORITE MUSICAL(s): Rent, Mamma Mia
FAVORITE PLAY(s): Problem Child, Jerry Finnegans Sister,
FAVORITE ROLE YOU'VE PLAYED, AND FROM WHAT SHOW?: Melinda in Inhert The Wind

FAVORITE ROLE OVERALL THAT I WOULD LOVE TO PLAY: Something really dramatic!
SUPERSTITION: Wearing white!
YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS:More then likely I'll end up in tech... but acting wouldn't be so bad

WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW?: ummmm...I had this small speaking part in our elementary school play...I was a hyena
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?: Nope

HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO?: Nope
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?: Nope
HAVE YOU BEEN TO NY? One Day!
HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA? Nope
WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION? Waiting... I psych myself out
WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION? Feeling Comfortable
NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN: Don;t Have One

NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS: None that I have acted in
WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT? going back to school so we'll see
DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?: Some yes
ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW IMPORTANT IS GETTING PAID? right now it's not that important
SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON-STAGE?: In the Hobbit, My last show I had to run onstage and kill someone... I tripped and landed on my face >.<
WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?: People who get difficult for no reason... or get really stressed and take it out on you :)
EVER BEEN NAKED ONSTAGE?:Nope
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KILLED?: Yup... I had a great death in the Hobbit lol

BEEN DRUNK?: lol yup In Nevermore I was a drunkin salor
PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?: Yup - Melenda
PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?: kinda... I was an immortal elf...
CRIED? Once durring Inhert the Wind... Emotional day and and emotional scene... didn't work well together
FIRED A GUN? I had a sward!
BEEN DRENCHED? nope
BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE? nope
BEEN KISSED ON STAGE? nope

I've Made A Mess Of Me

crap where did the time go? I'm 21 and I feel old...

I never used to believe my mom when she said I wouldn't be friends with my high school friends.... But it's true... I don't talk to them anymore.... I NEVER see them... and that kinda sucks... yes I have my new friends but its not really the same... I miss Emma-Leigh... so much... I miss the ease of high school. I do love the freedom and money that comes with being a grown up... but other then that... bills? they suck... making adult desicions... yeah they suck too

I will get out of this town and grow up... i will!!

"The Sickness Is Myself"

"Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds."

Those are some scary numbers. Suicide Attempts are even higher. (suicide attempts are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.)

That means that every second someone is feeling the need to take their life. Every second.

I know how much it hurts to lose someone to this disease. In 2006 my neighbor John took his own life. There was no note, no warning signs.

I'm not very good with words. Suicide is a very hard topic for me to talk about. But I know that talking helps. The more people that talk about Suicide and its prevention the better. Everytime we talk about how to get help and where... the more people hear about it. And maybe that friend you were talking to tells someone who really needs to hear it. Someone who thought they were alone in their suffereing. That person now has options. They have other people who know what they are going through. And maybe, once they're better they'll tell someone.

The cycle would continue. If everyone told one person about Suicide prevention we could stop this disease.

(Sorce For The Stats - http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/index.html )

Time Passes So Fast

I love going back and reading all the entrys... I was 16 when i started this blog... im now 21 turning 22... thats almost 6 years of blogging... lots of memories are stored on here... lots of things i probably should regret saying but i dont... they were in the moment... lots of names that i shouldnt have mentioned... but that doesnt matter either cus it was how i was feeling... ive never been the type of person to hide... even though i said i was... i never kept myself hidden... i was who i who in that moment. trying to change who i was, was very stupid. i changed how i acted but i never changed me... im a dumb blonde sometimes... i play that up... i do it now... why not? i play the stupid girl sometimes too... at work it helps muchly :P i can be strong and weak... i can be smart and dumb...and thats ok... i dont have to try to be anything now. I am a person, I am a girl, I am me...
I like that i dont have to hide around my friends now... I can be crazy at shows... and say stupid things...and do stupid things... I have a long way to go before i am truly happy with me...i still deal with daddy issues and living in the past...
the past is less scary... they past is known... i dont like thinking about the future... the future is a scary place... filled with unknown... i have panic attacks when i think about next year... i want to grow up and be there already... the process scares me... the failing scares me... i quit before i fail...
writing feels good... it feels good to just type adn type and type... just let it all flow again... i want to start writing more... songs, poems, scripts... whatever comes... i have always wanted to change the world with my words... i have about 8 scripts hanging around in my head... and i go over them every night before i sleep (maybe thats why i cant sleep??) i need to put them on paper... i need to put the songs in my head on paper... i just need to stop being scared to fail... stop trying to write the "perfect" whatever... and just write... who cares if its not the best.... it just needs to get out in the open....

You're So Cynical!

Jackson called me cynical!! LOL
I'm going to try and remember all that happened that day/night... it was a long one

I got out of my uncles house by 11:30... I was so freaking sick that morning (still am...) and uncle didnt have any cold meds so i stopped at a gas station and they had some... bought those... got to neptoon around 12... texted karly, found her inside... my phone wasnt getting texts.. stupid phone... so we hung around till other started to arrive... Karly was broken so it was a little hard moving around... but we got her a chair :P durring that time she made a comment about it being like a reunion... which it was... we;ve become like a family us vancouer fans :P
first person i spot is marty...coming through the back door... so i knew they were there... they started close to ontime :P they played 4 songs (Clipity Clop, Monkey song, Junkie, and Keep Awake) durring the songs Ben G said it was like a reunion... which was AWESOME cus we were just talking about that!! then it was time for the signing... Karly was the first person through... which worked out well cus i was second... I brought some pics from other shows to be signed... they all had comments to make about the pics lol (Ben G said he looked sweaty... comments were made about the south park strap which is dead now) I got to the end and got my Uncle hug! and talked with Johnson for a bit about them just moving here... it would be so much easyer :P
then we got on a bus to beat them to the venue... we didnt lol... they beat us... so we went back there and talked to uncle a bit... mostly about the Ugly Girl video and how i should teach them how to put on make up LOL and i got another uncle hug ( i had to stock up... dont know when they will be back again :( )
i went to go get Karly something to sit on and ended up landing in a puddle... i so thought i could make it over but i didnt :( lol it was funny though cus G made a comment about how we dont need two broken people :P then i talked to uncle more about how im a klutz but i've never broken anything... then they all went inside (for some reason they were all locked out LOL) and then me and Karly started singing Glee (LOL) After they were all loaded in they went back to there hotel... Jerad came out at one point and i asked him for a favor... my friend Susan is hard of hearing so she cant listen to any videos... so Jerad signed and video for her! That made my day.... i couldnt stop smiling!!! I made comments to each of them as they went in and out... Marty got hell for drinking Bud Light... Karly thought Jackson was a hobo ( cus he was playing his harmonica down the street and she couldnt see him :P) uncle came out with two hats on and then when he came back out after ditching one of the hats said "i meant to do that" talked to Jerad about the wine he was drinking ( I knew what it was just by the bottle... Bear Foot btw... white :P) then we got cold and hungry and went around to the front and got food! we were let in LATE agian but at least i got to the front... i was pretty much dead center... so Shanti went to get us drinks... I got vodka seven... and a tequila shot... then i had a smirnoff... but then i felt like crap so i took more meds (now keep in mind... from this point on... im kinda drunk and medicated LOL) the opening band wasnt very good... they didnt really interact with the audience... then they guys came to set up... i told BenG to take off his shirt... like i do at every show... lol... he was wearing layers so this time he did... the show started to many camera flashes and screaming... lots of jokes were told...they choose my idea for the improv with some help from Shanti and Sheila (my idea was Double Bubble Bubble Gum and they changed it to Double Trouble Bubble Gum) but it worked... and i got it all on video...
the show ended and everyone was screaming for them to come out... and they took their sweet time lol... then they came out and played two more songs....

and then the show was over... and i had to pee like a mother frucker... so after that we decided to go to the back to wait for them. some girl decided to sneak backstage ... much to us cursing her... they got kicked away though LOL

then the guys started coming out... i was slightly drunk, hopped up on cold meds, cold and sick.... i wasnt in the best mood lol... so i was being negitive... making comments and stuff... Jackson was walking by and i told him "Nice sticker" and he looked at me strange... he had put his backstage pass on his butt... so after he got it he turned his butt to me... stuck it out and smacked it! and then everyone was stopping him for pics and stuff... and i was making coments...i called my camera a whore... he said something about it being like a photo shoot... then i said he should be getting paid...just lots of little comments... so Jackson called me cynical... so i said i was sick and the he said "sick with cynical-itis" so then i pouted and told him that was mean... so he took off his hat... put it on his heart... and said sorry...while looking directly into my eyes... its was brilliant LOL and then they had to go... as each one was going i told them i was going to see them in New Orleans :D

it was a great day/night.... and i miss them already :P

THIS IS THE SOUND!

I went to see Switchfoot tonight... It was beyond amazing.

I got there at 5 and there were already people lined up...for a 7 doors and an 8:30 start (yeah we canadians are nuts LOL)

waiting was so boring... im not using to not being able to meet someone at the shows LOL

So we got in a little after 7... which wasnt bad... most shows arnt let in on time so we did pretty well

i got right in front... i was a little off to the side... mostly infront of Tim but i was ok with that... meet some awesome people when we were waiting for the show so i was way less bored then i was before LOL

Opening band "Paper Tongues" came on and they were pretty amazing actually.... the lead singers mic could have been louder but good over all

There there was a break while they set up for Switchfoot... Which is when my feet started to REALLY hurt LOL most floors are wood but not at the Commodore... I was standing on metal >.<

But that was all forgotten when Switchfoot took the stage... The guy from 99.3 the fox came out and introduced them... then the guys came on... well all but Jon who came in through the back and made his way onstage...

The first 12 songs were all off their new album Hello, Hurricane... Which is really cool... I have never seen a band play all their tunes...even off one album...

I found some new favs tonight... Sound is an amazing song... So is Sing It Out ... There really isnt such a thing as a Switchfoot song i DONT like... I love them all

But after the album they went into their old stuff... Stars, Oh Gravity, Gone (remix) and then my fav song of theirs.... This is Your Life... I have been in love with that song since I was 15... amazing...

Then they played Awakening, then 24... the Meant to Life... Another fav... then they all left the stage... we were all in on another song cus we saw the set list...

and they did... and it was Dare You To Move... another fav...

and then they were gone... But I got their set list from an amazing crew member :D I got the papertongues set list too...

So I went and tracked down the Papertongues guys to get them to sign my set list... and the freaking keyboard player remembered seeing me in the crowd... which never happens LOL so that was sweet

then i went to the back alley to see if i could meet the band... and i did!!!!!!! Tim came out first and we talked ( I cant for the life of me remember what) oops i lied... Drew came out first... and he took my pen for a bit... and THEN tim came out... Then i got to talk to Jon... and it was amazing... he signed my TWLOHA shirt... and we chit chatted... and then i asked him for a hug... and as he was leaning in i told him how much he changed my life when i was 15... i didnt want to make a HUGE deal about it... i just wanted to say thank you and i did... which pretty much made my night... then i got to talk to jerome and then chad... and then we got a pic with Jon

so amazing night... Jon, Tim, Jerome, Dew and Chad are AMAZING people... and they have hearts of gold and amazing souls... most bands when they have a bit of fame they forget who made them... each of the these guys time out to talk to us... the fans... and that just makes it amazing.. They were tired and hot and probably just wanted to get into bed... but they didnt... they made out night 100 times over... And each freaking one of the remembered me from the front... right thats what i started talking to Tim about and i talked to Jon about his brother Taylor who did the lights... who was also amazing and talented... i was so freaking happy to have someone who knew what they were doing up there... usually they dont and the lights such and so do my photos LOL

but anyhoo... there are 6 freaking videos uploading... im tired as hell... even more sore... so im going to go to bed....i was a night i will never forget and the hands down best day of the year... so far :D