4 posts till 400...

almost 400 posts...wow...thanks Amber...you got me completly addicted again lol


so i am feeling much better today....had a great chat with Jono...the actualy drummer for Solace Version (shameless plug lol) and it made me feel great...he made me smile and cry...and im better now....only took two days this time lol

but yeah...feel great...warped tour in three days! camp in a week!! wow...scary awesome summer is just beginning!

fuck

so i pride myself on being honest right?

well im fucking not...im not honest with myself and im not honest with other people!! im just so fuckin confused right now! i honestly dont know what to do...tell him i like him and make things akward forever or keep it to myself and get depressed every time he talks about another girl! i just dont fucking know right now...

i almost told him again...but i fixed that...apparently everyone knew that i liked him last night and he felt bad...so stupid michelle decides to tell him "no dont fell bad" and then right in the fucking middle of the convo my mother comes down with a phone call for me that lasts forever! and he is offline now...

i honestly dont know what to do...i've never been in this spot before. i hate not having control...expecially over my own emotions...last time this happened i didnt get out of bed for...a week? fuck....


help???

if this what he want and its what she wants, then why's there so much pain?

so last night was really fucking....ok...the good and bad balance out.

i got there early and to my suprise there is DAVID! yeah david...i gave him a huge fucking hug...and then i smacked him...and everything is fine between us...and that is that

then a few of us hung out...and then the band and more people came...

we screamed on the phone with the instraments and people in the garage for my emma leigh...it rocked...

party started around...10 ish...and then the band played...and that always fucking rocks...cept it had to be stopped twice cus of the pigs comming...but all worked out...stupid bitch next door needs to remove the stick from her ass and grow the fuck up and not call that cops ON A FUCKING GRADUATION PARTY!!!

so the band stopped...and i got really drunk really fast....and then some shit happened and im pretty sure i fucked things up with my friend...one of my good friends...and i missed a chance to talk to him...and i ignored him and i feel bad now...like really bad. i shouldnt have been like that....i dont start drama ... i fix others....fuck i feel horrible....

but aside from my own drama this time....it was really good...i finally got to meet the actual drummer which was cool....hes a real sweetie. and i met some cool new people and hung out with my bestest pals...so that was all good...

aside from the drama this party rocked...i cant believe my actions last night...its my own fucking fault...i should not have smoked any pot...i was already fucked enough and then i got moody after and pissed that he was paying more attention to another girl....fuck i just...dont know what to do....


TO ALL THE GRAD 07's HAPPY FUCKING GRADUATION!!! WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD BITCHES!!!

yay!

so it is just over a week to warped tour...i checked out prices today and the T-Shirts are only 18$ for the actually warped tour merch...which is good...and the hoodie was 40...im going to have sooooooooooo mch fucking fun .... i cant wait


im starting to get really excited about camp and just life right now...im still ont he wait list for my courses (some of them) but im ok with that now...i know things will work out. i got to just believe in myself and others that i can do this. i can live my dream. i can and i will...

im changing...im not the same person...and i dont think i will ever be that person again....im just to happy right now....

im going to go and watch a movie and chill the fuck out cus i rock like that!

so deep that i didnt even scream fuck me

t minus 11 fucking days till warped tour! fuck im excited

so i am covered in fucking face paint...the children had fun with the stuff today at "fun day" i also have hair dye in...the washable stuff lol...

i worked out the whole "i have no money" issue...my brother is going to loan me 150$ and i just have to buy him and xbox 360 which i want anyways lol lovely little bro!

i still need to find out how i am getting to warped tour...im thinking i know but im not sure...the forms are going off tomorrow so i can get my tickets..one thing off my mine :P

16 days till camp...holy eff! crazy times...i got more busy...add warped tour in there and im going to be busy from the 28th till the 5th...and i leave three days later...and i am sooo busy

i have something for girl guides tomorrow...sunday i have to make a cake...MONDAY I HAVE A DAY OFF!! WOOT! tuesday is rathtrevor for the little kids...wendnessday i am off again...thursday is last day of school for my sister and commencment party...then i get to recover from a hangover...then i have video game party...then canada day...then going over to the mainland...then warped tour...then home and someone surpise thing...then three days rest then camp...HOLY FUCK! i have 3 days to clean my house before my partys...fucker


anyhhos...i need a shower cus i am covered in yucky face paint stuff...tootles!

stop, turn, take a look around at all the lights and sounds

I GET TO GO TO WARPED TOUR!!!! weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee fuck me i am excited! i won the nexopia contest to get these tickets! i had to make a "warped" picture and i won! omfg...its a little exciting!

so it was the perfect end to today...i got my tooth all fixed up...its all smooth and cool...and i went to ballenas...saw BJ for the last time...that was very sad but it was good...

so yeah...WARPED TOUR!

yay home alone!!!

i love being home alone and just BLASTING my music! it rocks!!!

so im pretty exctied for the comming weeks....i'm going up to bss tomorrow to see all the grads off...its might be a tad bit sad...last day for BJ as well...

then i have things with my sister school which are always fun to do

then i have the mother fucking commencment party...which is going to be the best fucking thing...gonna get drunk! lol

then i have my video game party then my party and canada day...which will also rock!

then i have a suprise thing for someone...which i cant say under pain of death....

then i go to camp and get paid...rock the fuck on!!

yeah im pretty effing stoked!

going to be a blast! this summer is going to go by soooooo fast and soon i will be back at mal with all the lovely theatre people doing theatre stuff....how could life get better?!

you can never fail if you dont give up

just watched Last Kiss...it was a really good movie actually...i was suprised...but then again...i LOVE Zac Braff....

im about to watch date movie...i need some funnies right now...my life kinda sucks

bryan is still missing...long time now...but im not giving up yet...

and i fucking chipped my tooth!!!! I am sooo mad...I have had my tongue peirced for 9 months and not chipped it...ive only bitten it once before...and now i have a stupid chipped molar and a somewhat chipped bottom molar...and they piss me off cus its rough and hard to eat!!!

anyways...this is my boring life!!!

I am sorry for any spelling errors

ho kay....

heres the deal...went to ballenas yesterday to chill before the show...fuckin hell i love my friends...we read cosmo...hung out in the green room...made fun of people...i got to run my lighting board again...stupid grade 9 class and their looking at the booth when lights are going out...yes dummy i know i am suppoted to put them out now...seee how it is getting dark!

anyways...so after school we all chilled...i filmed my part for BJ's video travis is making...i almost cried in the little short video clip...made me soo sad...

then we danced...and partyed like drama nerds know how to...and i got people to sign the book thing that i made...

the show was fantastic...even when the set feel down and the cell phone rang...they did great...and i am very happy to say that the show was a sell out...we filled every seat and them some at the theatre that only seats 100 people (we never open the back portion cus it is horrible...but we couldnt turn people down!!) so it was close to 300 people in this tiny little theatre...and they did fantastic...

so after the show...after curtian call...myself and some others went up to present BJ with the gift...and i fucking lost it...i started talking and then started crying...and not just little crying...i was bawling...and that started off other people...it makes me very sad that he is retiring...but he deserves his break...and MICHELLE GOT TO PUT BLACK BETTY ON IN MY BOOTH ONE LAST TIME!!! lol...that made me very happy. and then i saw brad and shanny, brad "gave" me the booth. he was the ballenas techie before I and it was very awesome to see him!

so after that...TIME FOR A PARTY! and no one knows how to party like I. I was drunk within the first 20 mins...i had vodka and 3 coolers in that first bit...and then just kept on drinking...i was so drunk...that little innocent me was groping people...and not just a little touch either...i was full on touching peoples crotchs...and boobs....and i got some good feels in there...but wtf...i dont do that but it is really funny anyways...i FINALLY got Darron back for putting the worm down my shirt...he got groped the most...

so anyways...today...got up with a but of a hangover adn quite a bit still drunk...insane i know! but yeah...went to KSS today...saw people...terrorized the school like usual...

and now here i am...a little bit drunk...a little bit scared of myself...and a whole lot happy !!!!!

Can I Be Somebody Else For All The Times I Hate Myself

soul searcing again...and i realized something...Im forgettable. i dont have amazing points about me that people remember. unless they get to know me.

i remember at the beginning of the year i was so excited to go back...and im kinda excited but more for the course...not so much the people. i dont deal with drama and all that stuff. im not accepted and i know that. i didnt let go of my past and i still havnt. im annoing and a child most of the time. i say things that make people dislike me. and it hurts to know people dont like me but i have accepted it now. its really not bothering me anymore.

im going to be so different next year that im not going to fit in even more. i dont smoke pot anymore nor will i be starting up again...im cutting back on my drinking and im quitting smoking...

im not going to be M next year...Im going to be michelle. Im not going to be the false people that i have made myself. I am going to be me...the girl, the christian, the music and theatre nerd. I am happy right now. Im lost but im happy being lost. I love who i am and who i will become. i am happy being me and if people cant accept that then i dont wish i know them at all. i dont wish to more then say hello cus i will be friendly.

screw all you who cant accept me. who cant see past my faults. who cant see past the fact that who i am today is a direct result of who i was, henceforth i wouldnt change the past for anything. screw all those who only see the outside of me without getting to know me. screw all those with think i am slow or stupid cus i have learning dissabities. screw all those who think i am hypocritical, stupid, ugly, lame or any other word i have heard used agaisnt me. I cant stand you people anymore. nor do i want to be around you low life people.


ok think im done ranting now. this is me...take it or leave it!

All I Am Lies Right In Front Of Me

brian is still missing...but apparently more clues are comming in to crime stoppers...I just want it to end...not knowing...i know the family is going through hell...they just wanna know one way or another....almost all my hope is gone...this has been hard...this whole fucking year has been hard. i go one step forward and two steps back...i finally am getting my head together wth corses and work and Neil dies and Brian dissapears...now i got the job and regester for corses tomorrow...what else could happen...

i know i shouldnt dwel on things i cannot change but its hard. its hard to be happy and cherry when you feel like your whole world could fall apart. that could have been my little brother out there....

i used to be so close to his family...its been 14 years and i still recognized his mom and dad on TV...i was 6 last time i saw them....god fucking damnit!!!!!!!

i just want to end sometimes...not die...just stop and think without anything else happening...just let the world stop and let me be for a second...


anyways....this is me right now...im not much fun at all...my mind is elsewhere right now...and it will be for awhile

The mission’s to fight to be free again, We have the right to be ourselves again

im a little lost right now...im torn between who i am and who i think i want to be....

i dont know how much this summer is going to change me...but i know it will. i know it is going to take me to a whole new place in my life...and i dont know if i am totally ready to be that person. whoever that person is.

i dont know why i have that feeling tha ti am going to change...but i really do. its the deep breath before the plunge.

brian is still missing with no information on him. its almost time to fear the worst....its been 10 days...for an 18 year old there isnt much to hope for anymore. i just want the sufferening of all his friends to stop. the facebook group that was set up for his being found is now over 700 members....

im not giving up all my hope yet....someone knows something and if they would only come forward and end this sufferening...

come home soon hun!!!

Please come home brian!!!

Moorecraft camp entrance!! (my summer job :D)

so...life...crazy busy again :P

i had track and field yesterday...i heart those kids...they are fantastic...if i dont get into theatre i am going to work with kids...

then i had the final band night for BSS this year...it was soooo bittersweet...the gradding kids are the ones i have played with for 6 years...im going to miss them sooo much...seeing liam and his amazing skillz and wyatt...man...but i did get to see the local jazz band thing...with some KSS kids...and liam...and boy...i know why i love musicians...soo hot....ahah and robbie was there who is my guitar teacher thing...so that was cool...lovin the fact that he played jazz...makes me a little happy...

so yeah...less then a month till camp :D wooooot!! my work schedual (if anyone cares) is as follows

July 8th till the 12th
15th to 19th
22-27
july 29 to aug 3rd
aug 8-10
12-17
19-24

so that is pretty much the whole summer...i have a camp every week for 7 weeks and i get paid byweekly...pretty cool if you ask me..i will be able to be contacted at the camp with my own box and my cell...plus...I GET KEYS!!! that makes me happy...cus i am never trusted with keys...i dont even know where my house keys are right now lol....or my bank card but that is my moms fault

haha i had to fill out criminal record check forms...made me a little scared cus im getting old lol

other then that...i have the BBQ next week...BJ's retirement show...going to kss and the sos...and spending time with friends...then i have emma leigh comming over the next week!!!!!!! (you better or i will kill you!!!!) commencment and then july 1st party and swimming and parade...just crazy times...

lovin you all!!! miss you guys!

~M

ps...photos of the camp (water front pictures!!)

working girl!

I GOT THE JOB!!! and yes i can call it a job...IM GETTING EFFING PAID!!!!!!!! getting paid to camp! fuck i love life! plus...my superviser is lorna's daughter....which is fantastic! i am very excited...

anyways...brian is still missing...im realyl getting worried now...

You'll Be In My Heart

dear god Brian...come home please!!

i dont like this waiting game...everyone on the news and all the police fear the worst...but i wont...cant give up hope! i soooo badly wanted to get back in touch with brian and his family...and i have been trying...please dont take away this chance i have in my heart!

i found my Ashley!! i cant fucking believe it! my best friend untill i moved...and she remembers me...she was my other half till i moved...

please come home Hun! you me and ash gotta party it up like we used to....you and your silly mullet!

Me and ash up in the top left corner and brian is the one in the middle of the bottom rown with the mullet lol

Even the Best Fall Down Sometimes

so today was basically one of the hardest worst days in awhile...

i couldnt sleep cus there were mice in the roof above my head which really isnt much of a roof...just a bunch of fiberglass panels...so i slept up stairs then when my mom woke up i took her HUGE bed...so that was kinda cool....

when i wake up from that my deck has been half ripped up...turns out there were rats living under the floating deck...so mom and me tear up a buch of the boards and leave it to call one of her friends who works in construction...she tells mom that it needs to be all torn up...but just as mom is about to get off the phone...i hear on the tv "burnaby 18 year old missing" ok so i listen...i grew up there and i knwo some of these kids...then the name bromberger comes on...me still not freaking out...maybe i dont know him...then they say his name is brian bromberger....ok so he is 18, and his name is brian....well that just about did it for me...brian was my best friend before i moved here....i used to walk to his house everyday on the way to school with my mom...and we would all walk together....i have been trying to find him for about 4 years now...i wanna talk to him so bad...and now...

i cant stop shaking right now...but i still had to finish the tearing up the deck...so we did...and i feel yucky still...so now i have to find a way to fix my fucking deck and pray that brian comes home safe!

please come home safe...i wanted to see everyone again but not at your funeral!!

hey your're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good im on top of it

so yesterday....i got on the bus at 7 ish after staying up all night watching videos on the titanic! so took the bus...to the high school and got to see people...then i got to go on the bus to vic! stupid school bus! it was sooo effing hot on that bus...but koool....got to eat at a&w for lunch cus it was soo close to the time we had to be there...when we got there we were a little late....but we got to see the imax...and i knew so much about the imax lol. james cameron went on one of the expiditions for his movie . and i could tell which one were cut into this imax lol. then we went into the actual musem and looked around...

and then i twas time for the titanic...it was amazing....when you first walked in to the exibit you got a card...i was Miss Kate Florence Phillips AKA Kate Marshall. I was 19 and i was sailing with Henry Morley. He was my boss who was married and he left his wife and child for me and we were running away. we were in second class. so when you talk into the exibit it tells about how grand it was and how it was built and then you walked past the 1st and 3rs class rooms. then you went to into the room where it told of how they lived. then you walked into a black room...with "iceburg warning" and the time...and then you got to the "sinking room" where there was a HUGE ice block with salt water...you got to put your hand on it...i got an ice burn after 3 mins...it hurt like a bitch...then you got into a "after the fact" room with the names of who lived and who survived. I lived but my partner didnt. i was pregnanat with his child though. they had an actual door in the end of the exibit...it was soo awesome!

so yeah...it was ana amazing trip...after wards we all went to commercial street and shopped. i got two tube tops and one rock star shirt. it was awesome! an then we came home.

yeah rock on!