you're mamma's so fat...she ate the dancing INSIDE the birthday cake

oh good times today....it was awesome...i am SOOOO tired right now so im not going to write more but i must say...if you have the chance go...it is amazing seeing the things that survived...there was a porthole in amazing condition...a shoe brush and a container for shoe polish....dishes...cloths, parts of the ship....


i promise i will write more...im just soo tired....it was a long day...

oh i also bought two hot tube tops that show off my tattoo and just look hot cus i can pull off green lol

night all!

slap you like a bitch and you take it like a whore!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!TITANIC EXIBIT TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SOOOOOO EXCITED! i am dancing around my house right now...i cant believe it! and i get to take a SCHOOL bus again...god you have no idea how much i miss school busses...compaired to city busses they are soooo much better! and i get to see people tomrrow! which makes me smile...

other news....i dont even know who reads this anymore...but i have given up on love again...or even lust or like or anything that goes with romantic attachment....done....its just not worth my time to like someone anymore. i have accepted that i will be alone forever...probably living in a huge house with a bunch of cats...my standards are just to high and i will not lower them.

so yeah...crazy times of partys comming up...apparently there are like 3 at emma leighs in the next month....one at my house july 1st...and my birthday for sure! its going to be a fun summer....

what else do i have to say? not much...just really excited about tomorrow and given up on love...yeha that it :D

if i could be like that, i would do anything

doing beter today....its not as hard as Johns to accept...maybe im growing up...it still hurts but...i cant let it get me down like it did with john. I was hurting for soo long after he died...probably till about feb....maybe more...but its not so hard anymore...

life sucks...i have come to understand this...but when it sucks that means something good will come. and i am a stronger person for all the hardships i have been through


on a happy note! 3 DAYS TILL TITANIC EXIBIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG i am excited.....i cant even belive it....a whole day in vic with my best friend, her mom, my brother and kimmy and brittney....woot!! its going to be like i am still in high school....i cant wait...forget all my problems and just have fun that day!

other news...im helping with my sister school for the track meet. its pretty fun...im helping coach the long jump...got pretty sunburnt today for only 20 mins in the sun!! im going to be tan come sept! :D my sholders already are11111111111!!!!!!

waiting to hear from moorecroft...i think i will get it and be out of my house this summer

i am getting booked again...so many partys to attend and i probably wont be able to make half of them...unless i get rides...so that means nanaimo ones are out! sorry guys!

i get to go to the closing party for Nemo! and that is pretty exciting...partying it up with my drama people is going to rock hard core! its been to long since i been to a high school drama party...and yes they are totally different then the college ones! wooot ness!!

so yeah...life is pretty life right now....yes that is not a typo...life is going and i am keeping up with it!@

You Raise Me Up To More Then I Can Be

RIP Neil

I still cant believe that he is not with us anymore. Its another one that's going to take me awhile to get over. And learning more about him is hard. its like John and Sara again...I just didnt know them....which might be for the better but....

I learned today that his dad was first on the scene of the accident....didnt even know it was him. He was on his moterbike and i guess was trying to avoid a deer or something and lost control...died instantly.

Last time i saw Niel was at the fire at mandy's. He saved some of her cloths and let her have them that night (you're not really allowed to do that) He was a fantastic fire fighter....Everytime I saw him he was in his fire fighter shirt. He loved doing it and was proud of it.

he was a great actor to. he was soo scared to go onstage for 5th sun but he did amazing...

i wish i could remember more of him. thats one of my regrets, i have basically no memory of grade 10 when i did the show with him.


RIP Neil Murison...

Today I'm left here asking, where has all the time gone now?

so i did get to go into pville today....it was bittersweet...

i got there with big hugs from all...was sitting at burners talking to kathleen and she tells me that one of her friends died today...me and emma leigh asked her who...and she said Neil Murison..........i still cant believe it.....im in total shock..not another one? in the past year and a bit there have been...

~Patrick Golding...was beated to death cus he owed drugs dealers money
~Albeta John...suicide...May 25th 2006
~Sara Ebell...Car accident november 26th 2006
~Andrew Barbour...fishing boat accident
~Neil Murison...motercycle accident may 25th 2007

5 people in just over a year....now i have john's and neils anniverseries on the same day and Sara's 6 month tomorrow....i just cant take this anymore...who will it be next time?


RIP Neil...you were a tough guy on the outside but you were just a sweetheart under it all...

i dont want to be alone today

RIP JOHN....

i cant believe it has been one year already...

i was supposted to go into pville today but mother left me behind...and now i am home alone all day...well till 2:30

fuck i hate this!

once upon a time i used to play with toys, now i'd rather play around with teenage boys

ah hairspray...cant wait to see that!!!!

other then that... went to see my little sister in "barnyard" it was soo cute...it was a musical written by her music teacher....and all the kids in the school had to do a song with their class...and they were SOOOO cute! ^.^ my sisters class did cats...and there was this one girl who had a solo...and Holy she is good! she can sing and preform better then some people i know! i was soo impressed...she just finished doing the Little Mermaid...she played flounder...

i wish i could have done kids theatre when i was younger...i would have been so much more confident in my life that is for sure lol

other news...waiting to hear back from the camp. sent off my refrences...hopefully i will get the "job" i dont know if i am getting paid even i just wanna be out of my house this summer...in the sunshine and fresh air...and it has access to the ocean at the camp! so its going to rock!

thats about all i got guys...miss all who read this and all who dont!

when darkness comes i'll light the night with stars

so had the interview today...went good...they asked for refrences so I am taking that as a good sign. they were really nice...the one guy scared me a little but he was really nice. I find interviews sooo weird. One thing i hate is selling myself. i just dont like saying "im creative, im fun, im happy" that kinda stuff...it just makes me feel weird.

I am excited for getting this though. i think i have a great chance...they are really nice and it went well. i have more experance then most people my age with kids. and its a christian camp...so NO SMOKING!! no drinking no non christian things...they want me to be something of a "sports counciller" but more like a rotating person to work on all jobs around the camp like games and arts and crafts and campfire. I am excited. its going to be nice to get out of my house...

and NONE of the camps are on my birthday or either of the harry potter things !!! woot! i dont know about teddy bear but i think i am good. yay for me!

hey your're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good im on top of it

i cant be mad while i am listening to this song...all i can be is happy...that is all...

i am going crazy in my house...i swear to god i am going nuts...i cant stand this not being able to see people cus i live in the middle of fuckin nowhere!! which is the main reason i am hoping to work at moorecroft this summer...people! everyday! sun and summer fun...i cant wait...

yeah got nothing much...,im just missing doing theatre a lot right now...i keep saying random terms from stage craft and my family thinks i have gone insane...mostly cus i use funny terms totally out of context...i think my mom said something about "three-fer-four" or something (talking about prices of food) and i said "mom, there is no three-fer...its a two-fer....and i left the room...and went "wtf" god i am going insane...

anyways...im going to go and paint and watch titanic! LESS THEN TWO WEEKS TILL I GO TO THE EXIBIT!! EXCITED MUCH@!?!?!?!?

can anybody find me somebody to love?

oh how i love queen!! this song makes me soo happy and reminds me of new years...sitting there...drunk...pissed off....in need of a smoke...then carol put this song on...and i just sat there...and listened and sung along in my drunkin state...it was nice...and this song makes me smile...


anyways...cousin came today...for an hour...she spent more time on the ferry comming over...but today made me realize...i never want to turn out like any one in my family...

you got katie...is 24 and on her 3rd child...the father of this one is nearly 50...
her sister kristina..who came today...is 27 and married to a dick...isnt talking to her father...has one child with an abusive man who she doesnt talk to...new man has three kids of his own
you got micheal...who has his head on right...he is 32 (14 years older then me) married with one child from prev marrage who he has custody of, married again...adoped his wifes other kid and has another with this wife...

now that is one family....my uncle Johns kids...my fathers younger brother (but not youngest) he is a hard core alcholic and asshole...none of them talk to him

now my aunt kathy...my fathers sister...she is re married to a new guy, Lee, i really like him...his son Jordon is awesome...cept for the fact he has major issues...dont we all right? well Jordon stabbed his sister...yeah...and hes the only one i can stand talking to...
now my aunts kids are
Derek, who came out here for a summer cus he was fucking up in calgary...drugs and shit...he was 14 maybe...went back...got more fucked up...addicted to Coke i think thats waht it was...something like that...he was a carny ... now...i dont know where the fuck he is...
now the real messed up kid is Troy...dereks half brother(both kids are different fathers...Troy's spolied him...Dereks wishes he was dead...lovely hey?) so Troy...now where to start...when he had to move out here cus the drug dealers were going to kill him cus he owed 5000$ to them...or when he shot someone (accidently) in the eye...or the he is a coke dealer...or the fact that he is now got someone pregnant!!! great! hes 20 i think...turned in Jan...so hes really only a year older then me! o.O

so thats my family...out of my cousins i am the first graduation that my grandfather attended...and that is sad...you know how hard it is to have my mother contstantly tell me "you dont want to end up like your cousins do you?" OF CORSE I FUCKING DONT! GOD! it just angers me...and this is a long entry...but im in the mood to bitch about my family cus everyone has problems right? but this is just insane to me! my family is nuts! when i went back there for new years...i was STILL treated like i was 12! it is not fair...these guys have been through so much yet...im still the baby...troy is only a YEAR older then me...fuckin a...im just sick of it

you're addicted to the drug of lust

so i found out today ANOTHER one of my friends has tried and become atticted to coke...and it pisses me off...alot....i made it out of high school and pville without being addicted to hard shit...sure i tried 'shrooms and acid...once....i didnt know what it was and i never did it again...sure i drank since i was 12 and smoked and did pot...but it never went further...and i was a pretty hard core stonner grade 11/12.... and i was a pill popper BUT I NEVER DID THE HARD SHIT! ever! oh and i tried E once....that i kinda liked but i never did it again...cus i easyly get addicted so i stopped...i just dont get it...you know it is horribly wrong and you still do it...

it just confuzed me...haha with all i preach about this...watch me become a druggie in a year or so...i know if i tried it i would be addicted...cus thats who i am....i mean look what happened with pot...i didnt do it and didnt do it...tried it ONCE and did it for 3 months everyday.....oh how things change...i said i would never do that ever...i would never smoke never drink be a good girl...wow that happened

second star to the right and straight on till morning

i dont wanna grow up anymore :( god damnit life!! stop moving so fast!

i was just working out my time schedual for next year...and im going to have hardly any social life...to get my diploma in theatre is need to take 11 courses next year...including english which i HATE! but i have to...and i decided to double minor in the next few years so i need to get my ass in gear...i am taking soo many creative writing courses...which is my other minor..i should be able to do my first and second years next year...almost...and get started on year 3 and durring the theatre minor do years 3 and 4...its going to be crazy but it is time i stoped fucking around and did something..who knows...maybe i will be a script writer?

so i did that...and i got my summer going...im not going to be working per say...but im not going to be sitting on my ass either...im doing cabin leader at moorecroft and maybe getting paid...who knows...and i also am offically a leader for girl guides next year...like i said...no social life...but whatever...im going to party hard this summer (when i am not at camp) and get my life back in shape and prove everyone who ever doubted me wrong...

so yeah...this is me...and im working on being better at life...starting with my grades and school...

i want to break free!

so camp went really really well...the kids had so much fun...and it all went down good...cept for the one crazy parent who went crazy on the leaders cus her daughter could not get the top bunk bed lol...its silly but some parents are.

but yeah...it was fun i loved the kids....its was cool cus my old vice principle, both his kids were there....and they loved camp...and their dad gave me a hard time and almost kicked me out of school...so that was awesome! and i got to spend camp with mandy and stephanie...and that was fun...we had giggle fests sat night cus we were all sooooooo tired...it was crazy! and i got to dress up./..and who doesnt love that?

but now i am home...and bored again...i have to make some trips into pville soon...i might be going camping with my QB friends at the sand pit...not sure yet cus i have not asked mother...and she might freak LOL

other then that...my life is kinda borning....yeah...

oh yeah...my hair now have red in it and i have a sun burn...yup

hey your're a crazy bitch but you fuck so good im on top of it

hahah weeeee im so fucking tired right now!!!! but I GET TO GO SEE THE TITANIC EXIBIT IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! a litlle excited?! yup i would say i am :D

in other news...mandy came over today...we stayed up late...thats why im tired...and i have to fucking pack now...including my laptop so good bye for the weekend guys! leave me lotsa love!

EDIT
so my cousin just phoned....i havnt talked to her in 3 years...she comming up next weekend....this is all really weird for me...i hate my that my family does this...my fucking sister was living in leathbridge and i didnt know that...she has had contact with my family and I DIDNT FUCKING KNOW! this is not fair to me at all...shes my fucking sister! i hate our father as well...god this is annoying...way to ruin my weekend

can anybody find me somebody to love?

hahaha yay queen!

2 more days till hell...mother is stressing me out...but mandy is comming over tomorrow <3 that makes michelle very happy! :D

and for the 10 people trend that is going around agian

1) its kinda funny how you are always my number one...not really...i love you darling...i admit that sometimes you piss me off...but that is the boy friends fault...or it is in my mind...i dunno what it is...i just dont like when it is just you me and him...makes me feel so alone...i understand that you are together with him but we need our time too...you see him so ofton and me not soo much...although everytime we get together we get closer...like the last time...we broke down that "never talk about sexual things" that we had going...i think you tore that down LOL love you muchly darling...best friends forever...sister when that fucks us over :D

2) working with you this year has been awesome...you taught me soo much and i dont think you realize that. i may get on your nerves sometimes but im glad that i got to work with you on cats...and urinetown...they were great learning experances for me...and im glad i had someone there i could get along with! and listen to the canucks game with :D

3) you'll never know...and i'll never tell you...and i'm miss another opertunity to be happy...but...i dont want to lose you...

4) i cant believe you are so far away! we were messed up in high school but...i think you and i know each other better then we like to let on...and for that i am thankful...its nice to know you're there no matter what...i love you soo much missy...drama groupies DO rule the world!!

5) ever since i met you...i wanted to know you better. you just never gave me the chance

6) i miss you like crazy! its been almost a year since i actually sat down and talked to you...and i miss it. you and me were counting down the days till high school was over...and now it is and i dont talk to you at all...and i miss you



yeah i only got six...and most of the people dont even read this lol...

its not fair when you say that i didnt try

3 more days till hell!!!! stupid camp...i have to run a camp for 55 little girls under the age of 10!!!! why did i say yes to this?!? cus im an idiot! ahhh

well at least it is camping...no drinking though :( but me and mandy will party off sugar :D

its going to be great...just me and mandy talking...like before ... cant wait for that!

June 16th is the last preformance for our beloved BJ....anyone who wants to come is more then welcome...it is Finding Nemo HELLO! its going to rock1

so anyways...thats about all i got....

when we look back now, will that joke still be funny?

prom 2006...the drama nerds acting dramatic...god i miss these people...maybe not nate...ok yes i do lol...prom 2006...my girls...i miss you guys!! we looked hot! ;)

i cant believe it has been a year since my prom...its amazing...where the fuck did this year go?!?!...its been a crazy year but i remember it soo well....monday before prom i had my interview with mal...i went to nationals there after....then prom...the rehersals...then john died then shows then grad..then summer then school...fucking a...i cant handle this year being over yet...i want to go back!! i dont want to be done! give me the high school drama back!

i was looking at the pictures from this years prom...the one that freaked me out was the nerd herd one...some of them i have known since grade 7...and played with since then...i just cant believe they grad this year...my brother will be in grade 11!!! ahh i dont think i can handle that!! that is scary...my little brother grads in two years...and in that time i will be in the minor program! ahhhhhh crazy ness

i remember my prom...the good parts too...i remember the last song of the night was the graduation song...and i remember me and eric and kristina and emma leigh and others...standing in a circle singing it...just kinda looking at each other like "what the fuck, are we really done?" it was crazy...that is my best memory from that night...just being with the people who i dont keep touch with...it should be easy with msn but,....i dont...i see some of them driving and getting jobs and at mal...we're out in the world and that scares the shit out of me...my fucked up grad class is out there...





Our Valedictorian Speech...its a good one...

...as we go on
we remember
all the times we
had together
and as our lifes change
come whatever
we will still be
friends forever...

almost 400 :P

wow i blog alot...that is cool :P

my mother is pissing me off right now....so i come on here with my head phones on so i cant hear her lol

nothing to new to report...i cant wait till this fucking camp is over...god damned work that is! i should be working on it right now but im not cus mother pissed me off...damnit got to go

this is all so clear

HAVE FUN AT PROM BABE!!!

now that is over...i hate life right now...stupid prom making me depressed...nothing to everyone that had a good prom but mine really sucked...i didnt get a pretty dress i didnt get my hair done i didnt get anything....it was all stuff i had or bought for cheep...and it sucks...cus i had been dreaming of my prom since i was 8...i had it all planned out...but it didnt work out...and i feel horrible about it...and i miss everyone hard core...i hate having no outside contact...i HATE living in nanoose where there are no people...gah i just am really lonely...


other news...my little brother turned 16 yesterday o.O and my father phoned...and i heard his girl friend in the back ground and the kids...and i hate it...he hasnt talked to me in almost a fucking year....and he expects everything to be the same....

yeah not a good week for michelle right now...i miss you guys...

Forgiving What I’ve Done

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no Alibi
‘Cause I’ve Drawn Regret
For the Truth
Of a Thousand Lies

So let Mercy Come
And Wash Away
What I’ve Done

I’ve Faced myself
To Cross out what I’ve Become
Erase Myself
And let Go of What I’ve done

Put to rest
What you Thought of Me
Well I Cleaned this Slate
With the Hands of Uncertainty

For What I’ve Done
I’ll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m Forgiving What I’ve Done!!!

What I’ve Done
Forgiving What I’ve Done

this is a fantastic NEW linkin park song!! their album comes out soon!!! i am soooo excited!! new album = NEW TOUR!! so i am totally going to be going to that...i want them to be my first concert...yes michelle is a concert virgin *blushes* Hybrid theory was the first cd i bought...ever...so it is only fair that i see them live in person...

i made a list of music events i want to go to ...

-Linkin Park

-Skillet

-3 Days Grace

-Warped Tour

-Lollapalooza...the line up this year includes, Muse, Modest Mouse, Blue October, and sooo many more...next year i will be going :D

and those are the ones i want to see next year...

and again...if you have not heard Shake Tramp - By Marianas Trench...go listen...it fucking rocks!!

GO CANUCKS!

game 4 tonight!!

They slap you like a bitch, and you take it like a whore!

emma leigh you were right...this song rocks! lol

Marianas Trench - shake tramp

it is so fucking awesome...and its happy...like im happy...

im just thinking about summer and what i am going to do / what i need to do

need to do...
get a job and make some money
quit smoking
get healithy
clean my house/yard
get a tan and not burn my tattoo


what i am going to do (and am excited for)
rid my life of my father...get rid of all his stuff
July 1st party after the fireworks in pville..and the amazing day there
July 18 (apparently i am having Ju's bday party lol)
Aug 4th (MY BDAY...huge party)
end of summer party...my house is going to be party centrial this summer
going to Vic to see the titanic exibit
go camping with my bestest


so summer is going to rock...this lists are among the beach nights, kids fest (which will happen this year cus me and emma leigh are not getting into another fight that night lol), spening time at the sos, getting drunk, going to the bar!, teddy bear picnic (more on this below), the 5th movie and the 7th book, hairspray, emma's 18 th, chris' 18th!, camp sunrise... wow crazy buisness


anyways...teddy bear picnic, its on july 14th. it is a family picnic in nanoose but it needs help, and it is a really good place to advertise...expecially for our theatre. half of nanoose will be asking me what i am doing once they find out about me not being in high school anymore...and i will be telling them...
but waht this is...its a picnic where kids bring their teddy bears and get prizes..i run the "teddy tattoo parlour" which is stamps and bingo dobbers(i am the youngest person to run a booth there :D ) but it needs people to be in the huge mascots and help with other booths, it is a lot of fun and it is for kids...if you guys wanna help...give me a call!

anyways...this summer is going to rock...i didnt even include things that are happening before we get to summer, like BJ's last play (SAD!) emma leigh gradding (OMG) after party, moving into the "new" house party (mandys new room!) and hanging out with my old friends who i miss sooo much

chow all...i miss my theatre friends already :(