im still thinking underage

wow....6 days till i am 19...that is soooo weird...i mean i have been looking forward to this day for so long...i can finally go to the bar and all that...
but there is a catch....i have decided to give up drinking...which means no drinking...well no getting drunk...which i really enjoy but im trying to change...and i dont like that i have to be drunk to be the person i want to be...i dont like that and i dont like how i feel in the morning...i would much rather just not drink. i already quit smoking pot...and i have turned it down many a time and not had any...last time i had any was june 28th and that was only the 4th time this year....once at new years, once at BSS, once at my party...and that is it...i dont like being impared...i dont like drugs. pot is ok but not for me anymore...at the end of my being a stonner i was not feeling the high anymore and that scared the shit out of me. i could very easly turn into a druggie and i know that...i could turn into an alcholic....so i am indeffinatly cutting back on my drinking and going cold turkey on getting drunk...

wow so that was a long speal...but it felt good...it felt good to put the words that have been in my head on paper...ish....its not going to be easy to do it...but im starting with my bday...im not getting drunk...im going to have a nice girly drink (which i am going to buy myself) and then stop...and im going to try not to smoke that night either....i doing ok on that too....i dont smoke at camp...which is hard but im doing it...hopefully after this summer i will be a non smoker....

i want to change guys...i really really do. i want so much out of life that i cant go down a path that isnt what i want. i have huge goals for myself and i want to reach them. i applyed to a college in ontario...a live sound and lighting management course. theatre will always be in my heart but it isnt what i want to do anymore. i want to travel with bands and set shit up. i want to be the roadie....that sounds so weird but i do. michelle the theatre tech is giving up on theatre. doesnt mean it wont always have a soft spot but i want something more. i love music wayyyyy to much and musical theatre just doesnt do it for me. im a rocker chick. i love being who i am, i love dressing in the punk/emo/rock cloths...and the make up and the ever changing hair....roadies can do that...i dont think theatre techs can...we're supposted to be hidden from view....i dont like that...i want to be seen but not in the spot light.

so long post...but it has been a long time since i just sat at my computer and wrote...im really scared to go back to school actually...i am putting myself out there more then i ever have. i am more me then i have been...i have more drive and passion in me then i ever have....this is me....and i plan on showing up more ofton :)

I'm the first to fall, the last to know!

so camp...yeah still rocks...i got another effing cut lol!!!!! stupid rocks!

hahahahaha court i need advice....boys like michelle at this camp! its scary! i dont like him what so ever but im confuzzled!!!! :P lol...this doesnt happen to michelle...i is very confussed!

but other then that little new akward thing...life rocks! i effing love it there! i've met so many amazing people!!! eff i cant even describe how amazing this camp is...i can feel myself changing and it is the weirdest feeling ever...

hmm what else...not much...19th bday in 8 days...effing hell...this is going to be weird!

but im really tired and i need to firgure some things out right now...chow all...

he ran away faster then snape ran from the bottle of shampoo

OMG IT WAS SOOOOOO SAD! I CANT BELIEVE HARRY POTTER IS OVER!! *cries*

this post may contain spoilers but im going to try not to

she said she was only going to kill off two charactors...she killed off 8 of them!!!!!!!!!!! and then some more minor ones...but that is still a lot of people...and i am a little dissapointed in the epilogue...it only covered some of the charactors lives...i wanted to know much more...but i guess it leaves us a little bit of wonder still....

this point on will have no more spoilers...


back to camp tomorrow...i got a pay check thursday which was nice...i hope this weather gets better...this kinda sucks...i dont like the weather...


in other news....i saw hairspray!!!! it fucking rocked! i laughed soooo hard! and they could sing and dance and woot!! loves it!

i think im going to sign off...im kinda tired...did the whole midnight thing and i fell asleep on my book and have been reading since i woke up at 10...chow all!

BUT ITS COLD!!!

so im back again from camp! it was awesome! it was the family camp and it rocked...

there were sooo many cute kids!! ^^ makes me actually want kids lol!

last night was one of the best nights so far! me, kyle, gary, alisha, and ruth all went swimming...at 3 am!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol it rocked! i was sooo happy! it was sooo cold but cool! the water was glowing cus of the bug things that glow! it was sooo cool! it was really cold...really really cold and im really tired now and i think i am rambling! lol!

i got a monster cut on my leg! i falled ! in the dark on a rock!

anyhoos...im tired!

honestly that never happened, lying is your favorate fashion

go back to camp tomorrow...i cant wait...to much stress at home already...but i will have internet at camp from now on....but i just want to get out of my house again...i want to be around those people again! i effing hate it here...i love my family i just hate the things i have to deal with. being at camp is like being in another world...i dont like comming back to reality...and i cant wait till school starts again...cus then i will be back doing something...i am so sick of this sitting and waiting...

i did decide i am going to get off this island asap...im sick of it here..im sick of waiting for my life to start...i know what i want to do so i am planning on getting out there and doing it...asap! i dont even know if i am going to stick around for the minor...i might...i dont exactly know yet..maybe just to specialize...

i love knowing what i want to do with my life now! its refreshing! i want to be a concert tech! i want to be in that life...i love theatre but i love music more...i have always loved music...then theatre came into my life...and now i can mix the two...i've never been one to be onstage...i like being backstage...its where i excel...so i plan on staying that way...

so yeah...its nice...im great!

OH BIG NEWS! my mom found my effing sister!!!!!! my older sister! the one i have been looking for for 8 years! effffff i cant handle it! it made me sooooo happy that i can talk to her now!!! i love it! i love life! it couldnt get any better!

show me the way

wow...i love camp...i get paid to camp and have fun and meet people!

i honestly just had some of the best days i have ever had...Austin, Amber, Beth, Thomas...fuck they rock! we got in a HUGE tickel fight last night while at cookout camping out....it was like a two hour fight! gotta love people

i just loved being somewhere where my little problems were so non existant...just gone...i didnt stress about anything i didnt feel sad about my friends that i have lost...i was just therea dn living in the moment...doing and saying waht i wanted! rock the fuck on guys!!

love you all!!

I am a moorecroft girl!

hold you head, hold it up high

today was fucking hard...its the hardest thing i have had to experance in a long time...he just looked so not Ian...he wasnt smiling...his hair just was not right....

seeing people i love in as much pain as they were killed me inside....i honeslty never felt that bad before. even for John you have to respect that he was in pain and made the choice...Ian just died so suddenly and was such a great person. he had so much going for him....

i take last thursday as such a fucking blessing. it was the last time i saw Ian...but before that i had not seen him in a year...it was exaclty a year apart...and i got to see him pull up in his car that he loved...and show off....and give him a hug...

i still cant believe he is gone....it really has not hit me...i dont see these people everyday adn that is why it is soo hard to get over them...im really trying to move forward right now

i start work tomorrow...which is going to be brutial...i just want to sit in my bed forever right now.....

anyways...i wont be online for a long time....



RIP Ian...you were a great person...you were always smiling always happy. now im going to try and do that same for you hun!

here's to the friends that were alibis!

happy 400 blog! holy shit!!!



so....im extremly lost right now...i dont knnow what to think or do or anything..the funeral is tomorrow....and i go to camp thte next day...i should be packing right now but i just dont hav the energy....im completly done right now....

im soo sad warped tour is over...i can see myself doing that...changing what i want to do and show band shows...be a sound person or a roadie or a lighting tech for band concerts...its right at the top of my mind right now...and i really want to do it!

i miss the feeling of warped tour...its kinda came at the worst time cus im not back to reality yet...im getting there but not really

this is a video of I Am Ghost and i am in the front row...




yeah it was killer!

other news is i dyed my hair pitch black...its right how i am feeling right now and i love it!

MOTHER FUCKING WARPED TOUR!!

ok so here it is...its going to be long...i have soooo fucking much to say!!

so we ended up taking the 5:10 ferry cus me and shannon went to go and see Josh...first little while we were in van were just traveling...i got to sit in the middle seat of the buss with two parts...really cool! took the sky train...went to new west to find booze...ended up buying 30$ of Dude....decided it was too late to go to Davids and went right up to thunderbird...we get there and drink one for Ian! i get changed and head over to the entrance with shannon and the guy told us that the entrance was around the back....but he was wrong so we went to go and "bitch him out" turns out he is really cool. we stay there talking to him...fucking I Am Ghost shows up...comes out for some beer! so we drank with them for a bit...then ronnie from escape the fate comes out....has a smoke with us...that fucking rocked. i got a picture in front of yellowcards bus without even knowing it! lol

around 8 we all creeped back to the gate...im the only not hung over one cus i didnt drink that much! BURN! lol hung out till the fucking concert....Escape the Fate was first on...they fucking rocked it out...and the fucking guitarist was so fucking hot! OMG! i got pushed around so much in that mosh pit....btu they are hot!

then we went to go check out the bottom stadum...walk about...go see I Am Ghost...they rocked it out too!!

so then me emma leigh and mandy just go sit on the feild...we could fully see the bands even though we were not in the mosh pit! i got to see and listen to quite a few bands...i got some recordings on my phone....

so it is almost yellowcard time...you know the band i wanted to see. i go to the stage a half an hour early...i get front center....fucking hell...it fucking rocked...i have so many bruises...but it is sooooo worth it! it was the time of my life!

after that i get to meet yellowcard and one of them signed my hand...which is still there...

then we are kinda crashing...but i still managed to talk to Max and Ronnie from Escape the Fate...and their merch guy....i get a picture with them and get Max to sign my shirt and hand....just kinda chill with them...totally chill

then it ended :( and all went down hill...long story short...i am at UBC completly alone...at 11 at night...so i talk to a bus guy and he finds me a hotel and i stay the night...come back this morning...meet this guy named Matt from port and this girl i cant remember her name...we fucking smoke pot on the ferry! lol...and now i am home...

and i could think of all the negative of this....the sunburn the money gone the cuts bruises the lost friends...(yeah anyone wanna be my new best friend lol :P ) but i dont want to...cus i would not take it back in a second...it was the most amazing thing to ever happen to me.

anyhoos i am really tired...chow all!

RIP

RIP Ian...fuck i cant believe it right now...we all miss you so much! i cant even think or put together words right now....i just...want to see you so bad and to wake up this is a dream...but its not and i miss you and i only saw you two days ago! and you were so happy and willing to live...that sounds like such a crappy thing to say but...i just dont even know...

i miss you hun!

HAPPY

CANADA

DAY!