today was fucking hard...its the hardest thing i have had to experance in a long time...he just looked so not Ian...he wasnt smiling...his hair just was not right....
seeing people i love in as much pain as they were killed me inside....i honeslty never felt that bad before. even for John you have to respect that he was in pain and made the choice...Ian just died so suddenly and was such a great person. he had so much going for him....
i take last thursday as such a fucking blessing. it was the last time i saw Ian...but before that i had not seen him in a year...it was exaclty a year apart...and i got to see him pull up in his car that he loved...and show off....and give him a hug...
i still cant believe he is gone....it really has not hit me...i dont see these people everyday adn that is why it is soo hard to get over them...im really trying to move forward right now
i start work tomorrow...which is going to be brutial...i just want to sit in my bed forever right now.....
anyways...i wont be online for a long time....
RIP Ian...you were a great person...you were always smiling always happy. now im going to try and do that same for you hun!
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