Maybe I Wasn't Made For This World...

I cant believe i let dad hurt me again. im such a fucking idiot... all was going pretty good... then he missed billys grad, then went camping when he said he couldnt afford it. then he cut my mom off $400 ... and now she has to get a job and i have to take care of my sister... this is really fucked up

You Would Kill For This...

OCTOBER 13, 2004
"wow so many things to say how to start? how 'bout 'life sucks' yes that will do fine. im 16 and single guess that sumes it up. "

first post on a blog, almost 5 years ago... that just seems so crazy to me now. I was such a different person back then... I was 16 now I'm 21... I was soooo innocent back then... its kinda fun looking back. I didn't drink or smoke... I was very sheltered. I look at 16 year old now and I can't believe it.

Back then I tried so hard to be accepted, I wanted to be loved and have all the attention. I didn't care about school, I never thought about life after school, cept to think it was going to be great. Go to college, get a good job, get married... all done...
yeah right... that sounds a lot easyer then it really is. Life is so much more difficult once you get OUT of high school. Working bites the big one.

I'd like to think I've grown up since then. But I don't think I have come as far as I should have. Life just seems to have stalled right now for me. I work a crap job with no hope of advancing. I can't afford to go back to school, I have a hella debt. BUT over all I'm happyer then I was back then. I love the people who have stuck by me, I've repared family relationships... As a person I am better. I don't always let the little things bug me anymore. I don't regret my past, I live everyday. Maybe not to the fullest but as least I live it. And that is a blessing in itself