black bird fly

work effing rocks. i love the people i work with and i love just being me... im weird and i work really well with people. i see more people then i have since i quit school. actually since high school, i see people i have not seen in years! i love it. i love being able to bug the regulars. they are just as weird as i am. there is one guy that comes and gets a paper and a butter tart every day... he used to half eat the tart before he got to the till... so i bugged him about it and the other day he didnt and i called him on it and he replyed "look at me im a big boy" fuck i love it. these are people i can totally depend on. and they are just as messed up as i am. dawn is awesome! shes fucking funny all the time... there is never a dull moment working with dawn. and jessica.... damn we bug each other so much and we're both huge flirts! its so funny to watch us both flirt with someone! 

its just amazing... i saw gary from B2B the other day and i might work with the this summer... it would be realy nice to get back in to theatre! i do miss it

well i think that is all from my side of the world!

across the universe

listening to all the music from that movie insanely.... like its crazy...

i have to work in less then an hour and im so fucking tired! blah!

falling apart, barly breathing

rant....

so emma leigh sent me a message today saying "fuck it i miss you i dont care" and she added me back on facebook (but not msn) im sooooo confused and hurt and angry and scared and fuck... yeah fuck works well.... i dont know if i want her back into my life, yes i still care and i still love her like a sister but... i've made it so far on my own that i dont want to lose that. i've dealt with so much this past year on my own... ian and tim dieing and bryan being missing, the divorse, dropping out of school, 

i dont know... i really really dont

blah

life kinda sucks again... i tried being strong and responsible, i got a job, i stopped parting, i cut the "bad" friends from my life. well now here i am with no one... im a fucking failure as a person right now. thats how i feel. i work, i come home and i go to work again. there is no joy in my life anymore. i miss people from school alot. from mal and ballenas. the worst part is i've been here before. grade 10 i was losing everything i was. and then emma leigh came along and i was ok. and now i dont know if i can find someone else like her. im not a good friend. and i dont think i'll find someone else who will put up with me. 

yup im back to the depressing me