I'm going to try and make this happy

so tonight was great...amazing at times..i really didnt stop laughing..i wish i could say it ended that way...this is my blog so i am going to say what happened :P

i was checking my facebook cus i am cool like that...and i came across a group..."rest in peace Alberta John" well there goes my night...took all i had to not cry...it is almost a year now...i totally missed 11 months...i just didnt think about it...then BAM thinking about it again...amazing now things do that ...


anyways...happy moments...
kicking everyones ass at tony hawk
Ju, Josh and Mark molesting each other
Ju's sex talk with his girlfriends mother
tickle fights
and many others that i cannot remember right now

somethings missing, left behind, search in circles

so i finally did it...i FINALLY, after 13 years, found someone i went to pre school with...my old friend...and i found my best fried before i moved...oh facebook you are wonderful!! <3 i have been searching for these people for years! everything was different when i moved and i hoped and prayed that i would find one of them again...and i did...i found Thomas...and Ashley and Arriana...my three "brat pack" people...serously...we were totally the coolest people in that school...





anyways...you have no idea how happy this makes me...it is a link to my past...a past that was happy...a past before i moved and before the funerals and before the death...before the hurt...when i was just michelle and my best friend was ashley and i would go to her house and play in the little pool with her and bug her older brother Guy...yes that was his name...he kinda scared me...
thats me in the corner in the blue jumper...ashley is beside me....and then thomas is the one in the yellow in the bottom row...i was three in this picture :P



and then this one..thomas is in the top row second from <-- that side, ashley is beside him...Arianna is the last person on --> that side...with the bright red hair...and im in the front in purple...


yay blast from the past!

HAIRSPRAY TRAILER!

Lets Go Canucks, LETS GO!!

4-1 win tonight...for all those who did not watch the game...and if you didnt i might not talk to you again :) lol kidding...anyways...fantastic game...i was so loud when they scored that my mom got mad...sorry i was excited lol

other then that...im pretty much doing nothing...i have my exam tomorrow and then i am done...till september...can you believe that? i might get to go to nationals with my high school band which would be totally awesome yet totally weird! :S i havnt even played my clarinet since last year LMAO! but whatev...it will be fun

other then that...nothing...i got nothing to do...so i am going to do my nothing...talk to you all laterz

I dare you to move, I dare you to lift yourself of the floor

oh my i have missed listening to Switchfoot! <3 big hearts go to them! so what if they are christian...they rock

big hockey game tonight...and again I AM GOING TO MISS IT!! errrrrrr...so mad...i gotta try and convince my mom to come and get my tonight so i can listen to it lol....i dont want to miss it! *cries*

i hate how slow my computer is. Shannon is trying to send me a video she took and it is taking forever! lol...she went to the Modest Mouse concert and took me a video of our song! isnt that sweet! i heart her! <33

only 300000 KB's to go!! lol...concidering it was a 700000 KB file...i think im getting somewhere...and i am going to keep rambling till it is done...

so i just went and washed my hair and it is still not done lol...oh my lord this takes forever!

so i was just looking at the playoff standings and i really really hope that calgary doesnt make it...it would make for a good game when canucks and them met but just not worth it to my ego...they just need to leave the playoffs that belong to the canucks this year!

what else can i ramble on about...ummers...not much...i got not much else to say...oh i know..i need to talk to shannon about 420...

file is almost here!! under 100000 to go!!

im excited to see it!!

under 50000 to go!

UNDER 1000!!!

weeee that was awesome!! im soo happy they opened the show with out song!:D

my head is saying "fool forget him"...

but my heart is saying "dont let go"

oh grease <3
gotta love that movie...i mean how can you not? everyone knows someone in that movie...or who are a mixture of that character...

anyhoos...today was good...had another rehersal...and got to hang out (a lot) with Davies and Devin...and it rocked...then Nikki came and saved the day with coffee...i have re discovered that bus rides SUCK! OH OH i saw my first crack whore tonight...i mean who else other then a crack whore walks about at night in a tube top and a mini skirt and heels?! yeah thats what i thought lol! and then there was this really annoying guy on the bus that kept singing...really BADLY@! arg it was annoying!

so yeah...i think i am going to bed now cus i am really kinda tired...my shoulders are KILLING me sooo bad right now...stupid me trying to lift things...im going to screw myself over for when i am older lol...

4 days!! <333333

WINE AND BEER!

WOOOO GOOO CANUCKS! the game tonight was amazing...well maybe not but it was still fantastic...i love hockey and the cancuks...canucks girl through and through right here baby!

anyways...today was pretty good...got to do ... things...not much but enough to keep me busy and i didnt have to work with the kids that much lol. i am really into listening to musicals right now lol. i am listening to hair spray! and earlyer i was singing Urinetown although i totally blame Davies for that! and i was singing cats all day...I AM A CRAZY THEATRE NERD! woo goo michelle!

anyways...agian...i am totally happy right now...forget that last post...david is lame and that is that. i dont even fucking care anymore. and i mean that. i have other friends that are not going to do shit like that to me. one they are smarter then that and two they just wouldnt hurt me. and if they did they would say they are sorry and ACTUALLY mean it!

i love being happy and excited! i am sooo effing excited for this weekend and for next weekend...in the next two weeks i will get to see mandy and emma leigh twice and i get to see Ju and Alex and Josh and Clayton and whoever else comes! fuck i love life sometimes. from now on i am going to try and not think about the bad...cus it really just isnt worth it anymore. i need to get my shit together and get into theatre. eliza told me today that mike and leon wanted to make me a stage manager next year but i didnt show them i could be commited to Mal theatre so they didnt...which really sucks...but i plan on making it up to them and myself next year...and i started with Cats. even though it isnt a mal production it is still something that needed help...so i am helping WITHOUT getting paid or even getting crew hours. i dont need them...i havent needed them since Urientown...yet i still helped...which i think it was saved my sorry ass this year. cus i did help when i was there...and i did do my work when i was there...and i am going to stop this rant and go to bed since i have rehersal tomorrow too lol

Nighty...and i still heart you all too <3

another good day ending in tears

i just dont understand...why can i not let go? no one in this world knows how much i cared about Daivd...and when he is on the island for apparently 3 weeks and no one fucking tells me? what the fuck is this?! he says he is sorry but he isnt...and i shouldnt care as much as i do right now...but i do and i cant help that. god i fucking hate this!! i have to learn about it just after he left too...he was just getting on the farry when i found out...i miss him sooo fucking much...yet no one can contact me so i can see him? what great friends i have! this angers me soo very much...and i wish it didnt...i wish i didnt care...i wish sometimes i didnt care about anything at all...but i do...i care a fucking lot...about everyone i meet...i just do...i cant help it...i dont want to anymore...and im starting not to...but i am afraid all it is turning me into is someone who cares about nothing...not even myself...


anyways ... if i missed any "e"'s in that i am sorry...my "e" key decided to pop off they keyboard tonight so now i have an empty spot where it used to be...kinda akward but i will live lol


other news...i am allowed back to second year...i was really worried about it too...and i figured out a way that i can get my credits so i can get the diploma...its going to mean a LOT of work for me but i gotta prove myself next year...and i also figured out i am going to do the minor...and either minor OR major in creative writing...there are a lot of script writing things that i could take and i am going to...imagin...me...a writer?! o.O

We're the new face of failure, Prettier and younger but not any better off

yup i listen to fall out boy...but check out that kick ass lyric..."we're the new face of failure, Prettier and younger but not any better off" its true...if you think of your parents and where their minds where in high school and just beyond...way less advaced then we are. and think back two hundred years...they were married at our age and woman didnt have to think about marrage and working...they were done and set for life...simpler times. i sometimes wish i could go back to that...not having to think about all this...but other times im like fuck that. i would not be me...there were soo many restrictions for woman back then. no pink hair for michelle! that just would not work.
so then why do we take it for granted? all that we have...yet we dont take time to remember any of it. we have freedom we have free speech we have the abiltly to be all we can be..yet hardly any take it. i was thinking about the people i went to high school with..maybe 5 of them actually know what they want to do...most are just working after school...maybe they will go to school but probably not. im DOING something with my life...something i want to do very bad...something that most of my friends were scared to presue...hell im scared but i CANNOT do anything else with my life. i love being around preformers...whether it be in music or theatre...its who i am now. i know what i want and im going for it. but in my class of graduating friends, im one of two in school right now...and even my older friends...only some of them are still in school working twards their goal. we're given to freedom to go to school and work twards a goal...so why do so many not take it? money? fuck money...i have 7000$ student loan and im going on...fuck the money...i'll work it off eventually...is it their parents? fuck parents...honeslty you think my mom wouldnt love to see me in some well paying job being a lawyer or something? well i told her fuck off im doing theatre and that is the end of it...either support me or dont..im doing it! are you scared? what is it? huh? why sit at home when you could do something with your life?! i just dont understand people

life is beautiful...in its own way...you just have to look for it

today was beautiful in every way...i was looking through my photographer eyes, the ones i have when i have my camera out...which i did..and it was amazing...i got off school early and went down to the water front in nanaimo...and just looked...took out my camera but it didnt capture what i wanted...it was just to beautiful out for it to be taken into my camera...loverly...i have not used that word in forever...

lost in the music

gah i forgot how sexy David Usher is when he sings...hot hot hot...


and no Our Lady Piece is on...jezze i forgot how much fun it was to sit and listen to the random music come on the tv...god i love music...honestly i think i woudl die without it...oh this OLP video makes me cry... "its all messed up but we're alive" for those who dont know...that is "life" truly amazing song and video...and amazing canadian band...

i feel like that picture right now...i'm standing on the edge of the cliff...i can see the light where i need to go...but i cant get there...and im scared to jump for it...i'm not willing to take that step...

song lyrics are "the older i get" by Skillet

The walls between
You and I

Always pushing us apart nothing left but scars fight after fight

The space between
Our calm and rage
started growing shorter ,

disappearing slowly day after day

I was sitting there waiting in my room for you
You were waiting for me too
And it makes me wonder

The older I get
Will I get over it
It's been way too long

for the times we missed

I didn't know then it would

hurt like this but I think
The older I get
Maybe I'll get over it
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

The time between
Those cutting words
Built up our defenses never made

no sense it just made me hurt
Do you believe
That time heals all wounds
It started getting better but it's easy

not to fight when I'm not with you

What was I waiting for
I should've taken less and given you more
I should've weathered the storm
I need to say so bad
What were you waiting for
This could have been the best we ever had

I'm just getting older
I'm not getting over you I'm trying to
I wish it didn't hurt like this
It's been way too long for the times we missed
I can't believe it still hurts like this

Emma Leigh I might have to kill you!

so this guy...ALL HE TALKS ABOUT IS SEX! my god! serously...is this some kinda hidden message that i need to get laid!?! huh! honestly! you are probably at work or school laughing at this but...ok im laughing too...but serously...this guys needs to get laid! give him kimmy first! lol. (sorry kimmy i heart you!) but...jeeze...i never even met the guy! but other might be a tad shocked by him...i am not. i am being me...you are going to hear about it im sure next time you talk to him ;) im all talk no action...the poor guy probably has a hard on right now! i on the other hand...am laughing ever so slightly, he is differnt from others. never met someone so upfrount other then teenage boys LOL! oh dear em i really am too much like you...i just got the flashback to when you were here with grant and told him the same things "damn i wish i was there right now" "really" yeah...i would totally love to get laid" AHHH i am in your brain...2 years later :s


god you know how to pick them em! hows about i try someone not obsessed with sex...yes i know that rules out most of the males in the world but not the one i like :( the heart still belongs to whats his fuck...i can help it just as much as you can help being away from Alex.

I happen to be extremely intoxicated, saying the first thing that comes to my mind

my night tonight has been awesome...im talking to a piss drunk guy on msn who said if i was looking for a "piece of ass" he would drive down here from duncan...and he was on web cam earlyer and it was fucking hilarious! i was laughing my ass off...i love people!!

update on this...still talking to him.....hes a friend of a friend of mine...and we are chatting about random things...porn and such...and now we have decided that for my bday and his since they are 3 days apart...we are going to a strip bar...and being insane...if this actaully happens...someone wanna come with michelle make sure she stays good? lol...kidding. fuck i love this person...makes me laugh like a funny person!

to end this tale...he added me on msn...we talked for a bit more...lul in convo...randomly he comes back 10 mins later.."fuck...i gotta get laid...back in 45 mins"

so ends my interesting convo...shall talk to him more tomorrow LMAO

so what can i do to get closer to you?

woot go old computer with old songs on it!!! boo old computer for the crappy keyboard with the barly working space bar!

lol anyways....i finally got the intro to Existentialism On Prom Night by straylight run...taken me...3 ish months...i think...but i can play it on the keyboard and that makes me happy.

other then that...emma leigh and mandy and family is comming tomorrow...

with all that...i still feel like crap. dunno why.. just do. its my mom. i cant handle anymore of her damned comments. she has to make me smaller then her. like just a few mins ago...i went to go and get the ashtray that was beside here that i went and got for myslef a little while ago...the MOMENT i light my smoke she tells me to give her back the ashtray...umm no can you not wait till i am fucking done? no she cant...so she stormes over and grabes it out of my hand...when she could have gone and got one from the computer desk which was closer! god...i dont care about her divorse...she is losing a husband...i am losing a fucking father...their marrage was over a LONG time ago...she doesnt have to snap at us all the fucking time. she is the fucking adult but she snaps at me for doing things she is...umm mom if you didnt want me to do them dont do them yourself!? duh lead by example...dumb ass


anyways... enough of michelle ranting...im going back to my computer cus this one is pissing me off...maybe

if you need to crash then crash and burn you're not alone

i have missed my chris! <3 soooooo much...we are having a harry potter discussion right now...and i have really missed him...we can argue without pissin each other off...and i dont like him anymore so all is great! he is trying to convince me that harry is going to be put in a life or death situation over Hermione...nope not going to happen...lol


anyways...today good...today tired...today talk to chris...today sooner till i see emma leigh !<3

bored

so i did this thingy a long time ago..when i first got the blog...i wanna do it again and see what has changed..the first one is the old one...



THREE THINGS

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1.Michelle
2.Shortie
3.Michelle belle

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1.Shortie
2.Michelle_belle
3.Andrea Clark

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.My Eyes
2.My Drive
3.My Crazyness (walking up to ramdom people on the farrie)

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.My body
2.My Bossyness
3. My stubborness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1.Scottish
2.Ukrainian
3. English

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1.Spiders
2.The unknown
3. being alone

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1.Mascara
2.lip gloss
3. my ring ( I feel naked without it)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1.Pants
2.shirt
3. blue bra (sparkley)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists) at this moment:
1.KALAN PORTER
2.Switchfoot
3 and 4. Good Charlotte and Simple Plan

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. "Bulavard of broken dreams"-green day
2. "Rumors" Lindsay Lohan
3. Anything by the previous question.

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. Kissing a stranger
2. not being alone
3. Be on-stage

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. Passion
2. freedom
3. happyness

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (you figure out which is which)
1. I love titanic
2. I love rap
3. I have jumped off a bridge

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1.eyes
2. soft hair
3.accents

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Be quite for a long time
2. stay still
3. eat sardines (bad experance)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. acting
2. being in band
3. guiding

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. Snog someone
2. Scream
3. Be in school (never thought id say that)

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Acting
2. Law
3. Techinal theatre

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Hawaii
2. Europe
3. new zealand

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fall in love.
2 Travel
3. ACT






THREE THINGS

THREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1.Michelle
2.M
3.Misha

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1.Miccie
2.preppy superstar
3.misha

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.My Eyes
2.My hair
3.My outgoingness

THREE THINGS YOU DON'T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1.My body
2.My annoying ness
3. My stubborness

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1.Scottish
2.Ukrainian
3. English

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1.Spiders
2.moths
3. being alone

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. being cared for
2. sleep
3. my ring ( I feel naked without it)

THREE THINGS YOU ARE WEARING RIGHT NOW:
1.sweat pants
2.shirt
3. sweater

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS (or artists) at this moment:
1.Skillet
2.Falloutboy
3. 3 days grace

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS AT PRESENT:
1. Say goodbye - skillet
2. thnks fr th mmrs - falloutboy
3. let it die - 3 days grace

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS:
1. finish school
2. get a job
3. turn 19!!

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP (love is a given):
1. trust
2. humor
3. caring

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE (you figure out which is which)
1. I used to have stage fright
2. nobody has ever spelt my last name right
3. i had sex last night

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. eyes
2. does being a preformer count?
3. taller then me :P

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. speak with good grammer
2. stay still
3. spell

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. acting
2. music
3. drawing/photography

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. be with emma leigh
2. see Josh
3. be asleep :P

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. theatre
2. theatre
3. theatre

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Hawaii
2. Europe
3. new zealand

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Fall in love.
2 Theatre
3. get out of nanaimo



well i kinda have changed...

so make the best of this task and dont ask why

"I hope you had the time of your life"

so today was a good day. i got to see "showdown" which is a green thumb show...it came to my sisters school...so i went to watch...and more important...talk to the people in the show. i talked to the three actors and the stage manager. it made me feel a LOT better about what i want to do. to see people actualy getting out there and doing it. all three of the actors are from BC and they all went to studio 58. the stage manager was from toronto...she was very happy i was a tech...told me of a place in toronto that was hiring a new TD that must be a female...i thought that was really kool. gives me hope :D there are not many jobs for actors...but for techs...there are so many. and i will make it...i sat through the show going "damn...i wish i could be sitting at that sound board" i couldnt stop looking at the SM on the board...techie through adn through lol.


so yeah that was my day. i will make it...i have to...i cant do anything else!


ps...very excited for sunday:D

i wont lose my place in line, i've been here to long, I spent to much time

so fucking exaused right now...long day but a good one...many random things happend...like charlie asking me to dinner (didnt happen cus he could not get the car) but he said another time...i choose...so im kinda scared...i really dont want him to like me...im hopeing it was as friends cus...i really dont like him in that way AT ALL...not even a little bit...crazyness...


got to do some make up on the kids today...which was fun...i love those children they rock!

anyways tired...bed...

Cus maybe you're gonna be the one that saves me

well...did my acting skit thing today...i think i did good...i knew my lines...and acted ok i guess...it was good concidering my last audition...whatev

so i am very excited for this weekend...i have my family comming adn by family comming i mean emma leigh mandy richard russle and mummy carol! :D its going to be a par-tay im soo excited....it has been a long time since it was just me mandy and emma together...i have missed them. and this time...i wont have to sleep on floor or couches cus my bed is in the basement now :D mandy have her couch...emma have the other...and michelle have her bed! and mandy has a suprise for me...and im curious...im sure she will like hers...


anyways...bed

take me all the way

i love how most of my blog entrys are song lyrics...

so talking to emma leigh right now...she is dating alex again...and mandy is dating ju...which leaves michelle single...and josh the drummer single...me and mandy came up with this thing when we were kinda tipsy...that if emma leigh had alex...and mandy had ju...i would have to get josh cus then we would be three sister dating the band...crazy notion :P

anyways...also talking to Josh...talking about what the hell i am going to do in a year if i stay here...i gotta find out what the fuck i am doing. im scared of the future...


nothing else much is going on...pretty sure im goign to be pretty fucked with school...most likely be working next year...i dunoo...thats out of my hands right now...i can only do my work and hope it is enough...

see you peeps tomorrow

Behind the mask you'll find yourself alone

blarg...i miss him...

that is all...