go go 300 posts!!

hahah rock on!! 300!! woot!

so this week is turning out confuzing and amazing. i got an email yesterday stating that the Urinetown DVDs are in and that the viewing party is THIS FRIDAY! yikes...so after much fretting and trying to figure it out...im going to that AND having people over before (hopefully...still have to talk to them but im sure they will be kool) so yeah pretty damn excited...

fuck my hand hurts....i falled down my stairs and screwed up my thumb...and it hurts :'(

in other news...im thinking again...thinking about mal. i dont fit in there. sure i can go about being friendly with everyone but really...i dont care about 80% of the people there. there are excptions...most of them read this...so no one that reads this has to worry...i heart you. but others...sure i like being around them but i dont care....i dont care if they talk behind my back, which they probably do. they all hang out all the time and i just cant be bothered. i dont like being around them that much. i LOVE my old friends. they are honest. they dont bullshit like i see in the theatre. i thought Ballenas was bad for backstabbing and talking behind peoples back but it is nothing compared to here. its kinda sad really. when i think about it.

like i said...that is nothing directed to the people reading this.

i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take

so here i am...being me...i just realized how many secrets i have in my little brain that could hurt people. its like, crazy. just in my little group of people there is so much drama and secrets that are swept under the rug. its weird.

i cant wait for this weekend. it is going to be a blast.

well thats all i got today. im truly alright right now. im going to go play my keyboard and the probably some guitar!!!!

Im torn between this life and who i am

yay go go music!! lol...so im back to normal now. nothing to do...nothing to worry about. just me...chillin...cleaning my house. and you know what? I LOVE IT! dont get me wrong i love theatre but it is a nice break till the next one lol.

im really excited for this weekend too. emma leigh and josh and clayton and alex and ju are all comming on friday...it is going to be a crazy mini party lol. then the party on saturday and it is going to be bitch-in! im so excited and so are others.

rock on man...rock on

I Love Errington!!!

oh my god this weekend was a blast!!! i am sooo hungover right now but it is great!! last night i was drunk and stonned out of my mind!!! ahahaha i love it! i love the people! it was a nice change for a weekend to get away from teenagers who over complicate things and go to errington!! man i cant wait till next year!!

still in errington

here i am days two...the suplys are running low...and im pretty sure someone is a spy....*shifty eyes*

ahaha anyways...i have the last night of the show tonight! excited. yes yes i am man!!! this show rocks! i love dressing up for tech work. it just rocks my socks

so funny thign happened...apparently the word is gettting out about my party cus someone completly random asked court about it and i was like WOAH! but its all good cus no one has my address yet@ lol

yeah im gonna header!

love you all

love potion number 9!

lol here i am in errington...the capital of nowhere...yippie!!!! but no the show is going ok i guess...kinda hectic but i'll live. got other stuff to check so i will talk to you all later

its something unpredictable but in the end its right

9 months on the 25th....3 days away...wow how time passes. the 8 month was on the opening night of Urinetown. it seems like so long ago already. one week tomorrow would be his 19th bday. i never thought i would make it to 19 and he wouldnt. i cant remeber what year it was but one year i remember him talking about how drunk he was going to get. those were easyer times.

k enough depressing things. i hate this keyboard. stupid old compter and me being to lazy to go and get my laptop. i am not used to the keys making noise when i type. it is totally strange.

so i wont be on much this weekend. or updating my blog. i have my dress rehersal soon. it is going to hard core rock my socks. to bad we dont have a lot of help. it (so far) it me and amanda doing all the tech (minus the sound) work. crazyman...from what court says she needs 5 or 6 people...funfunf!!!

anyways, good luck with tech weekend everyone!!

got no where to run

so its going to be offical soon. i will offically be a part of a broken home. my mom signed the paper work today for her divorse. i never thought it would happen. all those times i thought...but i never thought it would. even when i wanted it. i hate it. i dont like the fact that i have this thing as a father. i want a dad. some things i just cant do with my mother. like fix a car or play with tools or...all those things that dads are supposted to do. im not happy about this. i WANT my father as bad as he is. does that sound totally crazy? im a daddys girl with no daddy. my father has never been there. even when he lived here and i wanted him to teach me to play a sport...like when i wanted to play hockey or throw a fucking ball with him...he wouldnt. one of my best memories with my father is the one fucking time he played ball with me. we just went into the yard and tossed a soft ball. it was fantastic. its just not fair. he never cared. he gave his other daughted up. he never talks to her. i havnt seen her since i was 8. i dont want that to happen. in the movie life as a house there is a great scene where the two main charactors (father and son)are talking about the fathers father. the son asks why he didnt kill him when he had the chance. the father answers back cus i loved him. thats exactly how i feel. i love my father. it just so hard. i dont want to be forgotten. to many people already forget me. my father isnt supposted to. i feel so weak about this whole thing to. but it hurts. more then people will ever know. you will never see me break down. that i promise. i dont cry infront of people. even my best friend has only seen me cry twice i think. once when we were talking about Chris being in the hospital and once when John died. other times like when we watched rent dont count. i dont like showing weakness. it just isnt me. im strong. i dont cry in public. fuck it all i give up

I can hardly see whats in front of me

so i am CRAZY tired right now....very long day but totally awesome...

went to the rehersal for CATS that eliza is directing and it is fun...the kids are soo cute watching them dance and sing...and I GET TO BE LIGHTING OPERATOR!!! yeah im pretty stoked. manda is going to teach me the board when we get in to the theatre. its only two shows which does suck but whatever...it is going to be worth it. i also get to help with Make up. you know designing it. well not really but like doing the testing of it. quite cool


so after tonight...i have tomorrow...then i am gone for the weekend. and i am sooo stoked. i have just figured out that i am going to be involed in a show till september. cus i had urinetown. which took me right into a night at the palace that i am doing this weekend. and cats. then in the time before cats goes up i have the one acts. then cats goes up. then by then i should be in rehersal for the summer season at Bard. crazy hey? but completly worth it.

so yeah...thar we go. bed time now

do you wanna dance?

with you?
no...with my father

oh that was a rent moment...cus you all didnt already know that...betcha you all finished singing the song in your head too...AHAHA i win

so as you can see i am feeling much better. today taught me some good things and that is...BE MORE FUCKING PREPAIRED! god...i was NOT ready...i didnt have the right monolouge...funny thing is...i came home...read a script...found a PERFECT monolouge...figures hey?

anyways...pretty excited about this weekend. i love doing this show and being able to spend time with court is going to be fantastic. it is going to be nice to be in a lax show for the time being...it isnt like any other shows...i can do more...be seen...i get to dress up for lighting work. oh man going to be a blast...i feel bad about not being able to help with power but...i didnt know they were going to be this close together and i have already promised to do this show...BEFORE i even knew i was going to be in Mal...and the people heart me and i know the buliding and yeah

so other then that...i am excited about the party too...Josh and Clayton are going to come on the 2nd too see my house and set some stuff up...we have a plan to kick claytons ass at smash brothers (hey Em...wanna come over and help? we make an unbeatable team you and me!! besides...your mother said i could borrow you to help clean up...justsoyouknow! lol)

yeah so my life is going pretty good...this aint going to make any difference in my life. rejection is part of the buisness i am going into...and i did realize that this year so far has made me better at cold reads. we got to read a little scene and i didnt stumble over any of the words...so im pretty proud of that.

sometimes i really wish my life were a musical...do you know how much fun that would be?

say something...anything
test 1 2 3
this is weird
its weird
very weird
fucking weird


sorry...still watching rent i am

worthless...

so i completly bommed my audition...lets just say i should stay backstage for the rest of my life. i feel horrible about it cus i know i can do it. i just froze today...i couldnt remember any of my monolouge...i completly blanked. grrr im just so angry. but at least i did get to see people. a lot of the urinetown cast was there and so was lindsay and cristy so it was awesome to see them too....

but yeah...no acting for michelle this summer :(

Caught In The Rain

ahaha talking to Josh about smash brothers...thats how i rock

anyways...audition tomorrow...nervous...HELL YES! gack...oh wells...wont be the end of the world..


in other news...cleaned my basement...i can see floor...that doesnt happen...but i think i hurt my back...which sucks hard core...

but alas...i am sooo tired....so i am going to do a few more things then sleep...cus i rock

NO Time AGAIN!!

so i have booked myself again...i didnt do very good planning again...this weekend i have my audition on sunday...which i still dont have a monolouge...well i kinda do...i just wanna find a better one...and i dont really have a song either...great...
next weekend i have a night at the palace all weekend...im probably going to be leaving the school early on thursday so i can get to errington for dress rehersal...then staying at courts for the show friday and saturday and maybe a sunday show...then home again...then i have school...then friday and sat i have to clean my house for the party...sat is mainly going to be setting up cus people need room....its just gotten crazy again...

My Heart, My Pain Wont Cover Up...

oh blue october...what i would do without you :(

anyways...bored agian so michelle comes on here and pours her heart out to the world to see...cus that made a lot of sences...oh well

today was good...im not going to get into details...basically i saw my other mother so that made my day...if only my emma leigh was there...oh sigh

haha anyways...just chillin.,..got my audition on sunday...kinda nervous cus im still sick so the voice is even more crap and i have not found a good monoluge...so...gah annoying...

yeah thats about it...just me...chilling...being cool

I Can't Stop The Rain From Falling

damn song stuck in my head!!!!!!!!

anyways...i have no problem telling people who they are on my list (most are random anyways but yeah) so if you wanna know just ask!

anyways im bored...and up at 5 am cus i went to bed at 8 last night...kinda crazy actually...im never up this early lol...

but yeah..that is really all...

its a last chance when you're giving up

go go october fall!! woot!! most recent song addiction
anyways after my total meltdown yesterday im feeling a little better...JESSE WILL NOT FUCKING WIN!!! ahem...explnation! well jesse is this kid from my old school who is pretty much a boy version of *gargle gargle* yeah i know. well he asked what i wanted to do with my life and i told him theatre...of corse he goes off on this huge rant. so me getting pissed off says "i'll be working on broadway in ten years. just you watch!" so now i have to do that cus if he wins i might die.

anyways...seems petty but who care?!

on to ten things cus it is due time for one

1: you are my best friend. i miss seeing you everyday. i love with with all my heart and i will see you soon. stay strong babe...i love you!!

2: i respect you a lot. you are one of the few people i enjoy having around and talking to. you dont look down on me like others.

3: you honeslty rock my socks. you are a fantastic person and i wish you could see yourself how i see you.

4: mood swings much? one moment you seem to hate me and another you are nice...make up your fucking mind

5: you are amazing. new years would have been so much better had you stayed. you make me happy

6: im most imtimated by you. you seem so confident and cool...and you;re so pretty. you rock!

7: you annoy me to the end.

8: hungover much? hahaha you rock!

9: i dont know what to say about you. but i wanted to put you on here cus in the beginning of the year you helped me a lot. and for that i thank you

10: and who gets number 10? only my most fav people in the program! you rock hard core and im so glad you are here


just TRY and guess 10 lol

throwing in the towel

i'm about a hair away from quitting mal...i dont belong there....im sick of it...im sick of peoples comments twards me. i've tried to change...tried but i am me...and that is all i can be. i came into this program hopeing to get away from sitting on my ass at home...but all i want to do now is be at home AWAY from the people at mal. i get it guys...you dont like me. i understand. but i just cant take it anymore. i honestly cant. i honestly just i dont even know...i feel useless and horrible everytime i go there. im the outsider. and i just cant take it anymore

party?

hahah so one tis planned now...my house march 3rd...ask for directions...there tis going to be a live band again cus my friends rock....


yup...that tis all

boys will be boys

alright..here i am again...bored out of my tree...been busy...doing nothing...well catching up with people...thank you Jilly for facebook...i have finded people who i met in elementary school on there who moved and now go to mal, someone who helped me out so much learning how to work a programed board, and some kid that i met 3 years ago now at the north island drama festival. he was a silly Vanier person....but i still heart him cus he rocks and that play was sooo fucking awesome. so yeah...finded those people which is totally cool.

in other news...im talking to David right now...its weird...he wants to come and stay at my house when he comes to visit...dont know if i could handle that...he says we need to "but we need to catch up and come together again" i dont know if i can forgive him yet...he lied about everything...

more news. courts going away in a month...which mean PARTY...everyone invited...will be the first sat in march most likely...i know you all have POWER but hows about after? if you want...just an idea...

what else? i dont think i got anymore...i got auditions for B2B summer theatre comming up. and if i dont get in a show...im 99 percent sure i will still be working there this summer. gary sent me an email the other day that made me cry. i dont even know why...maybe i was just emotional. but i guess it was just the fact that he really did notice all i did. i was thrown into this not knowing anything...it was a lot of hard work. but it was totally worth it. i will make it. i have finally decided what i am going to do with my life. i know where my next move is. im staying here next year ... taking the second year and upgrading for a transfer program. i will be aplying to NTS, Langara, U of A and Uvic. for both technical and acting programs. i have yet to decide what i am going to do. the jobs are in tech but if i get into NTS for acting...who in their right mind would turn that down?

so yeah...just figuring everything...i still cant believe that i have only been doing theatre for 4 years...i knew so little comming into this program. social and theatrical things. aplying was the best thing that i could have done. it was a split decision but i am so very glad i made it.

Tech

Behold, my children, here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performance, thou shall not be caught short. For truly it is said, "Pay heed to the errors of others, and thou shall not make them thyself;" and again, as we have been told from old, To Thine Own Self Be True.


1. Give not unto the actor his props before his time, for as sourly as the sun does rise in the east and set in the west, he will lose or break them.

2. When told the placement of the props by the Director, write not these things in ink upon thy script, for as sourly as the winds blow, so shall she change her mind.

3. Speak not in large words to the actors, for they are slow of thought and easily confused.

4. Speak on in the language of THE TECHIE to the actors, for they are unniniated (morons), and will not perceive thy meaning.

5. Tap not on the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.

6. Keep holy the first performance, for afterwards, thou shall party.

7. Keep holy the last performance, for afterwards, thou shall strike, and then party.

8. Remember that thy Tech Director is never wrong. If it appears that he is, then you obviously misunderstood him the first time.

9. Beware of actors during scene changes, for they are unlike thou and are blind in the dark.

10. Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.

11. Take not thy cues before their times, but wait until the proper moment to do so.

12. Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, try to speak softly, and not in anger.

13. Listen carefully to the directions of thy director as to how she wants things done - then do them the right way. In the days of thy work, she will see thy wisdom, give herself the credit, and rejoice.

14. AND ABOVE ALL, GET CARRIED AWAY NOT WITH THE GLOW TAPE, OR THY STAGE WILL LOOK LIKE AN AIRPORT.



Remember always that thou art a techie, born to walk the dark places of the stage, and know the secret ways of thy equipment. To thine hands it is given to mold the dreams and thoughts of they who watch, and to make thy stage a separate place and time. Seek not, as do the actors, to go forth in light upon the sgage, for though they walk and strut and pot on airs, their craft does truly depend on you, to shape the dreams that they would show.

Remember also that though they depend on you, you exist only to aid them. Remember that thou art a team, for thou shall party together.

My friends, be not deceived by the deluded actors masquerading as Techies. Remember always the signs by which thou shall recognize a true Techie:


1. They move softly during scene changes, not stumbling or falling.

2. They are silent backstage and aware of what is happening.

3. They can speak with a knowledge of tools.

4. They respect another's job and aid where they can.

5. They will not whine at an obstacle, but fix it in silence.

6. They DO NOT just sit and watch.



Amen.

We hold these truths to be self evident: THAT ALL TECHIES ARE CREATED SUPERIOR.





tee hee just something i find truly amusing...i joined a new forum...its just for techs...and it rocks my life cus i understand...and relate

yucky...

sickness takes over...again...god damnit really getting sick of being sick

in other news...a night at the palace is comming up...pretty excited...dressing up and doing lighting ...what more could you want?

more news...my fathers new girl friend is a manic depressed crazy lady...has three kids...and everyone thought we knew...my cousin Troy is going to be a daddy...at 20...and hes a coke addict...oh how i pitty the kid. my other cousin Katy is pregnant again...this will be number three...and she is 23...yeah i have great family. so thats the news from alberta...my dad is still drinking...to the point where his own alcolic family notices!

when darkness comes I'll light the night with stars

ahhhh skillet...they rock...serously check out whispers in the dark....fan freaking tastic song...

so i did some serous thinking today...really thought about what the fuck i am going to do with my life...and i sorta sorted it out...i am debating whether or not to try and get into the U of A this year...instead of next...i wanna get out there...i dont wanna sit here and stew for another year and maybe two...i want out...it would be fucking scary but worth it. after Urinetown i thought about going more twards sound then lights...i always thought sound was really boring...but not now...

in other news...been working on my keyboard skillz constantly...i found i am much better at that then guitar....my fingers just are not long enough or strong enough yet...i get horrible pains...so i am going to go slow on the guitar and just practice really easy things like scales to get my fingers stronger...plus...i can now transpose piano/guitar...and i have figured out how to read bass cleff...which is a bitch...i always get messed up trying to figure out the notes...but yeah back to the guitar/keyboard thing...i know where the strings match up and i know that middle C to the guitar...which i cant recall right now...

but yeah...doing a lot of thinking

lame

i feel really lame right now...i hate being not busy...i loved being in this show and being IMPORTANT! i like feeling like i am doing something...sure college is great but i dont want to spend the rest of my life there...im getting sick of being in college here. i love the people, most of the time. i love the classes but i want to get out there and start my life. i want to be working in a theatre doing what i love. Ross spent basically all of yesterday talking about being an actor...let me tell you...didnt sound to apealing...but i still want to do what i am doing. i want to act i want to do tech hell i want to work at the fucking box office as long as it means i get to do theatre. i want this...i really do.

another brilliant thing happened in my life today...my mother phoned my dad and to hers, and my, suprise...he isnt living at his dad's anymore...hasnt for a few weeks..he is living with Kim...his fucking girlfriend who he has been seeing "for months" now...fucking hell....im so mad at him right now...they are not even divorsed yet....fucking asshole

I wish it never had to end

so thats it...the show is over....and you know what? i am so terribly sad that it is. i had so much fun on this show and i love every single cast member...they let me keep the secret hideout sign as a keep sake...and i got to keep fred...which was our little man on the set diagram. who i named. god i miss not knowing that i will do a show tomorrow night...i miss these people already...

the show tonight was the best ever...but i bawled at the end of it...just couldnt help but cry...i have been the stage manager for most of the run cus of our real sm's time conlicts....i was the sm...i spent two months with these people learning how to do things and be a better person...

so to all of you who were amazing...im going to miss you a ton!!

Run Freedom Run!!!!

one more night...and that makes me terribly sad...i cant believe it is over...2 months...done and over tonight...oh sigh....

<

I wanna lay like this forever, till the sky falls down on me

so...i know two posts in one day..sue me...

anyways...today overall was really good...im glad that fate held me home today as the moment i got on my bus i saw to people who i love dearly...yes dear readers it is the ever cool Chris...and his girlfriend...my "wife" (oh high school) so if you have followed my blog you know what i went through with Chris...and guess what? Im totally over him...aside from the blatenly sexual refrences comming out of my dears Chris' mouth...i am totally happy for them...it was a blast to see them again...i have missed both of them and they now, strangely, act like a married couple...it was kinda scary...but kool....but also people who know me will know that i do not get over a guy without falling for another...and i have fallen hard...i cant get him out of my mind...i havnt talked to him since friday last week cus of the show...he is usually in bed by the time i get home cus he works all day...which sucks cus he makes me feel better...


anyways...two more shows...that makes me terribly sad...i dont want this show over...i dont want to not see these people everyday...they are fantastic...i dont want to go back to normal...im not sick of this show yet and it has been my longest running show...

i didnt get cast in power...which bites but whatever...im hopefully going to be doing shows with bard this summer...i really miss acting...and being in qualicum for rehersals would be great...that would mean more time with best friends...so tres excited...

other then that...yeah i got nothing

i cant fucking do this anymore

today has been not good...i was totaly going to school today then i found out we have no heat...our oil ran out...great peachy keen...so i stay home cus i have money and mother doesnt cus my dad is a fucking retard...so i go back to bed for a bit cus i still feel like crap...mother comes down to wake me saying she has to go up to the water cus we have no water! even better...turns out the last few storms have done us great to the point there is mud in the line and there are trees down and it is compltly blocked....so my mother comes back from that completly in tears...we have a huge house and it is hard to do all the work by yourself with three kids in school...i cant help cus i am way to tired from the show right now...my brother is more lazy then i am my sister is to young to help...we cant even sell the house cus my fathers name is still on the fucking things and even if we did manage to sell it as is...we wouldnt get much cus he never fucking finished it and he would take half....it just isnt fair...im only 18 i shouldnt have to be doing this shit...my father should not be an asshole and man up to his responsiblity...and i didnt spell that right but i dont fucking care...he is 51 for fucks sake...he has people to take care of ie my family INCLUDING MY MOTHER! god i want this fucking thing to go to court...bitch is going down!!