hearts are cold, there's no hope. thats what we're told

you know what makes me sick? people! i see people come in every day who cant even smile at the cashier. i get up every day and lately i've been feeling like shit cus im sick. but everyone gets a smile. and not cus i have to. im just that type of person. most of the time i dont get one in return. it really makes me mad. i've been through a hell of a lot in my life and i can still smile. i always smile. i dont care if you're having a bad day. reality is no one cares. if you're having a bad day MAKE IT BETTER! you're the only person who can change the way you are feeling. i've learned that much. no one really cares about you. maybe you're family sometmes. everyone wants you to be happy and the moment you arnt people start talking about how "depressing" you are. its sick. this whole world it sick.

when i hear people fighting or arguing over stupid things it makes me really mad now. you should ALWAYS treat you friends like gold. when you dont have friends anymore then you'll know what i mean. i honestly dont have friends anymore. I have Chris and thats about it. i talk to others sometimes but i dont trust anyone anymore. it is possible to care but not to trust. i dont need anyone anymore. i can be happy just me. and i am. sure i wish i had people to go out and party with. but i dont and im ok with that.

i wish people were better with each other. its really hard to work at petro can. John worked there and it reminds me so much of him. he hung himself 100 feet from there. i can see it from the till. i held a grudge agaisnt him cus he was mean to me and the last time i saw him i did shun him. i used to hold grudges like no other. now i dont and it feels much better. i've run into so many people i hated in highschool and i've grown up and so have they. i can talk to them now and its really nice to see them now.


so there is my rant for today. treat others better. you'll feel a hell of a lot better about it

you could have been all i wanted, but you were not honest.

work is fantastic!!! i love it! i love the feeling of getting paid to do something.

its been crazy though...i've been thinking alot about what is to come for me. i made my decision about when im going to school. im going to wait till fall 2010. that way, i can help with the olympics. i already aplied for it and im pretty sure im going to be chosen. i also aplied for this summer camp in ontario for the drama director. why not? it would get me out of the province for the summer, i'd be somewhere safe. i wouldnt be doing it all myself but i wouldnt be at home anymore. or i might work at moorecroft again.... i honestly dont know...its going to be some decisions i have to make in the comming while

everything seems so daunting and im trying not to think about what im going to do. im thinking a little bit about what im going to do... i have to pay off my loan and pay for school. but right now...its just 100 here and there and then im good. im not stressing as much as i should be and i think that is working in keeping me sane!

cheers for now!

rawar!

so the next few weeks im working main till from 6:30 AM to 2:30 yucky

i should be sleeping

A
- Age: 19!
- Annoyance: moody people who come into my work expecting me to change the new fuel law!

B
- Best Friends: myself... i cant rely on people anymore
- Birthday: aug 4th

C
- Car: dont have one
- Candy: coke balls

D
- Day or night: night
- Dream Car: dunno

E
- Easiest person to talk to: my mom
- Eggs: cant eat them

F
- Favorite Months: summer
- Favorite Memory: warped tour

G
- Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: worms
- Giver or taker: ummm... giver most of the time

H
- Hair Color: black
- Height: 5'4" on a good day
- Happy: id say yes!

I
- Ice Cream: moose tracks
- Instrument: all....but guitar is my fav right now
J
- Jewellry: ring...that about the only thing i always have on me now
- Job: petro can!

K
- Kids: not right now
- Kick boxing or karate: both rock.
- Kindergarten: i miss it (and bryan!!! <3)

L
- Longest car ride: calgary.
- Longest trip: hawaii!

M
- Milk Flavor: chocolate!
- Most missed person: oh god, Ian, Bryan, Tim, John...and some more people recently
- Movie: titanic!!!!

N
- Number of Siblings: 3, billy heather and nicole!
- Number of Tattoos: 2
- Name: Michelle Alleyne McAulay (for now...i'm thinking about dropping the last name an putting in my mothers)

O
- One Wish: thats mine and mine alone :)
- One Fear:being alone
- One regret: i dont like to think of these thigns

P
- Piercings: 3 in each ear, lip and tongue!
- Pets : 3 cats and a dog

Q
- Quote: "i need a 20 doller virgin card" (some guy asked at work for a phone card and me and sarah just cracked up laughing)


R
- Reason to smile: life
- Reason to cry: death

S
- Song stuck in head: none
- Season: summer
- Shoe size: 7

T
- Time you woke up: noon
- Time Now: 10:11 pm
- Time for bed: 20 mins ago ><

U
- U love someone:sure
- Unpredictable:always

V
- Vegetable you hate:... green peppers
- Vegetable you love: yellow peppers (yup im weird)
- Vacation spot: england

W
- Worst Habits: smoking
-Where are you going to travel next? ontario!
- Weather right now?: yucky!!

X
- X-Rays: suck.

Y
- Year it is now: 2008
- Year you remember: 2006, 2007....both very memorible for very different reasons!

Z
- Zoo animal: lion
- Zodiac sign: leo