"Every year, almost one million people die from suicide; a "global" mortality rate of 16 per 100,000, or one death every 40 seconds."

Those are some scary numbers. Suicide Attempts are even higher. (suicide attempts are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicide.)

That means that every second someone is feeling the need to take their life. Every second.

I know how much it hurts to lose someone to this disease. In 2006 my neighbor John took his own life. There was no note, no warning signs.

I'm not very good with words. Suicide is a very hard topic for me to talk about. But I know that talking helps. The more people that talk about Suicide and its prevention the better. Everytime we talk about how to get help and where... the more people hear about it. And maybe that friend you were talking to tells someone who really needs to hear it. Someone who thought they were alone in their suffereing. That person now has options. They have other people who know what they are going through. And maybe, once they're better they'll tell someone.

The cycle would continue. If everyone told one person about Suicide prevention we could stop this disease.

(Sorce For The Stats - http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/index.html )

Time Passes So Fast

I love going back and reading all the entrys... I was 16 when i started this blog... im now 21 turning 22... thats almost 6 years of blogging... lots of memories are stored on here... lots of things i probably should regret saying but i dont... they were in the moment... lots of names that i shouldnt have mentioned... but that doesnt matter either cus it was how i was feeling... ive never been the type of person to hide... even though i said i was... i never kept myself hidden... i was who i who in that moment. trying to change who i was, was very stupid. i changed how i acted but i never changed me... im a dumb blonde sometimes... i play that up... i do it now... why not? i play the stupid girl sometimes too... at work it helps muchly :P i can be strong and weak... i can be smart and dumb...and thats ok... i dont have to try to be anything now. I am a person, I am a girl, I am me...
I like that i dont have to hide around my friends now... I can be crazy at shows... and say stupid things...and do stupid things... I have a long way to go before i am truly happy with me...i still deal with daddy issues and living in the past...
the past is less scary... they past is known... i dont like thinking about the future... the future is a scary place... filled with unknown... i have panic attacks when i think about next year... i want to grow up and be there already... the process scares me... the failing scares me... i quit before i fail...
writing feels good... it feels good to just type adn type and type... just let it all flow again... i want to start writing more... songs, poems, scripts... whatever comes... i have always wanted to change the world with my words... i have about 8 scripts hanging around in my head... and i go over them every night before i sleep (maybe thats why i cant sleep??) i need to put them on paper... i need to put the songs in my head on paper... i just need to stop being scared to fail... stop trying to write the "perfect" whatever... and just write... who cares if its not the best.... it just needs to get out in the open....

You're So Cynical!

Jackson called me cynical!! LOL
I'm going to try and remember all that happened that day/night... it was a long one

I got out of my uncles house by 11:30... I was so freaking sick that morning (still am...) and uncle didnt have any cold meds so i stopped at a gas station and they had some... bought those... got to neptoon around 12... texted karly, found her inside... my phone wasnt getting texts.. stupid phone... so we hung around till other started to arrive... Karly was broken so it was a little hard moving around... but we got her a chair :P durring that time she made a comment about it being like a reunion... which it was... we;ve become like a family us vancouer fans :P
first person i spot is marty...coming through the back door... so i knew they were there... they started close to ontime :P they played 4 songs (Clipity Clop, Monkey song, Junkie, and Keep Awake) durring the songs Ben G said it was like a reunion... which was AWESOME cus we were just talking about that!! then it was time for the signing... Karly was the first person through... which worked out well cus i was second... I brought some pics from other shows to be signed... they all had comments to make about the pics lol (Ben G said he looked sweaty... comments were made about the south park strap which is dead now) I got to the end and got my Uncle hug! and talked with Johnson for a bit about them just moving here... it would be so much easyer :P
then we got on a bus to beat them to the venue... we didnt lol... they beat us... so we went back there and talked to uncle a bit... mostly about the Ugly Girl video and how i should teach them how to put on make up LOL and i got another uncle hug ( i had to stock up... dont know when they will be back again :( )
i went to go get Karly something to sit on and ended up landing in a puddle... i so thought i could make it over but i didnt :( lol it was funny though cus G made a comment about how we dont need two broken people :P then i talked to uncle more about how im a klutz but i've never broken anything... then they all went inside (for some reason they were all locked out LOL) and then me and Karly started singing Glee (LOL) After they were all loaded in they went back to there hotel... Jerad came out at one point and i asked him for a favor... my friend Susan is hard of hearing so she cant listen to any videos... so Jerad signed and video for her! That made my day.... i couldnt stop smiling!!! I made comments to each of them as they went in and out... Marty got hell for drinking Bud Light... Karly thought Jackson was a hobo ( cus he was playing his harmonica down the street and she couldnt see him :P) uncle came out with two hats on and then when he came back out after ditching one of the hats said "i meant to do that" talked to Jerad about the wine he was drinking ( I knew what it was just by the bottle... Bear Foot btw... white :P) then we got cold and hungry and went around to the front and got food! we were let in LATE agian but at least i got to the front... i was pretty much dead center... so Shanti went to get us drinks... I got vodka seven... and a tequila shot... then i had a smirnoff... but then i felt like crap so i took more meds (now keep in mind... from this point on... im kinda drunk and medicated LOL) the opening band wasnt very good... they didnt really interact with the audience... then they guys came to set up... i told BenG to take off his shirt... like i do at every show... lol... he was wearing layers so this time he did... the show started to many camera flashes and screaming... lots of jokes were told...they choose my idea for the improv with some help from Shanti and Sheila (my idea was Double Bubble Bubble Gum and they changed it to Double Trouble Bubble Gum) but it worked... and i got it all on video...
the show ended and everyone was screaming for them to come out... and they took their sweet time lol... then they came out and played two more songs....

and then the show was over... and i had to pee like a mother frucker... so after that we decided to go to the back to wait for them. some girl decided to sneak backstage ... much to us cursing her... they got kicked away though LOL

then the guys started coming out... i was slightly drunk, hopped up on cold meds, cold and sick.... i wasnt in the best mood lol... so i was being negitive... making comments and stuff... Jackson was walking by and i told him "Nice sticker" and he looked at me strange... he had put his backstage pass on his butt... so after he got it he turned his butt to me... stuck it out and smacked it! and then everyone was stopping him for pics and stuff... and i was making coments...i called my camera a whore... he said something about it being like a photo shoot... then i said he should be getting paid...just lots of little comments... so Jackson called me cynical... so i said i was sick and the he said "sick with cynical-itis" so then i pouted and told him that was mean... so he took off his hat... put it on his heart... and said sorry...while looking directly into my eyes... its was brilliant LOL and then they had to go... as each one was going i told them i was going to see them in New Orleans :D

it was a great day/night.... and i miss them already :P

THIS IS THE SOUND!

I went to see Switchfoot tonight... It was beyond amazing.

I got there at 5 and there were already people lined up...for a 7 doors and an 8:30 start (yeah we canadians are nuts LOL)

waiting was so boring... im not using to not being able to meet someone at the shows LOL

So we got in a little after 7... which wasnt bad... most shows arnt let in on time so we did pretty well

i got right in front... i was a little off to the side... mostly infront of Tim but i was ok with that... meet some awesome people when we were waiting for the show so i was way less bored then i was before LOL

Opening band "Paper Tongues" came on and they were pretty amazing actually.... the lead singers mic could have been louder but good over all

There there was a break while they set up for Switchfoot... Which is when my feet started to REALLY hurt LOL most floors are wood but not at the Commodore... I was standing on metal >.<

But that was all forgotten when Switchfoot took the stage... The guy from 99.3 the fox came out and introduced them... then the guys came on... well all but Jon who came in through the back and made his way onstage...

The first 12 songs were all off their new album Hello, Hurricane... Which is really cool... I have never seen a band play all their tunes...even off one album...

I found some new favs tonight... Sound is an amazing song... So is Sing It Out ... There really isnt such a thing as a Switchfoot song i DONT like... I love them all

But after the album they went into their old stuff... Stars, Oh Gravity, Gone (remix) and then my fav song of theirs.... This is Your Life... I have been in love with that song since I was 15... amazing...

Then they played Awakening, then 24... the Meant to Life... Another fav... then they all left the stage... we were all in on another song cus we saw the set list...

and they did... and it was Dare You To Move... another fav...

and then they were gone... But I got their set list from an amazing crew member :D I got the papertongues set list too...

So I went and tracked down the Papertongues guys to get them to sign my set list... and the freaking keyboard player remembered seeing me in the crowd... which never happens LOL so that was sweet

then i went to the back alley to see if i could meet the band... and i did!!!!!!! Tim came out first and we talked ( I cant for the life of me remember what) oops i lied... Drew came out first... and he took my pen for a bit... and THEN tim came out... Then i got to talk to Jon... and it was amazing... he signed my TWLOHA shirt... and we chit chatted... and then i asked him for a hug... and as he was leaning in i told him how much he changed my life when i was 15... i didnt want to make a HUGE deal about it... i just wanted to say thank you and i did... which pretty much made my night... then i got to talk to jerome and then chad... and then we got a pic with Jon

so amazing night... Jon, Tim, Jerome, Dew and Chad are AMAZING people... and they have hearts of gold and amazing souls... most bands when they have a bit of fame they forget who made them... each of the these guys time out to talk to us... the fans... and that just makes it amazing.. They were tired and hot and probably just wanted to get into bed... but they didnt... they made out night 100 times over... And each freaking one of the remembered me from the front... right thats what i started talking to Tim about and i talked to Jon about his brother Taylor who did the lights... who was also amazing and talented... i was so freaking happy to have someone who knew what they were doing up there... usually they dont and the lights such and so do my photos LOL

but anyhoo... there are 6 freaking videos uploading... im tired as hell... even more sore... so im going to go to bed....i was a night i will never forget and the hands down best day of the year... so far :D