weeee i think i already updated but i do it again cus i wanna...and it is kinda the next day
didnt get to go to the sos cus mother is a bitch sometimes...but whatever...next week i will be totally pro at my guitar...yeah i will
so the reason i am doing this entry is cus my friends band has a video out with their new song "trapped" and it is pretty good...clayton isnt the best singer but lennie (bass) and josh (drums) rock...and clayton makes up for his non singing with how funny he is...check it out...band is called Solace Version and they are in my links!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4BYi7yOMk4
March 31, 2007
March 30, 2007
without love, life is rock and roll without a drummer
i found my dream roll...tracey in hairspray...to bad she has to have an amazing voice...im working on mine but it aint getting much better...but its getting there :P
anyways...im totally lost right now...i dunno what the hell i am doing next year...i really wanna do second year but i need to get out of nanaimo...so i have no clue...i am going to have to wait and see...
in other news...i dont think i have any...other then i am obsessing over hairspray...the songs are stuck in my head right now...crazy awesome! and the remake has some HUGE names in it...like amanda bynes, john travolta, queen latifa...im soo excited for the summer...
this summer is going to rock aside from having to work but i get to
a; turn 19!!! i am soooooo excited for that./...you have no idea
b; hairspray comming out...just stated im excited
c; SUMMER OF HARRY POTTER!!! ahhhhh its crazy...the 5th movie and the 7th and final book...im freaking out about it...i think i am serously going to die after which sucks cus it is before my 19th so :P
d; birthdays...emma leigh turns 18 and so does chris...yay for being the same age as my best friends...for a month or so :P
and e; TITANIC EXIBIT!!!! soooooo fucking excited. i have been obsessed with the titanic since my mom told me about it when i was 8...i know so many useless facts about it. and the exibit is comming to victoria...with 281 recovered things from the actual titanic!!!! can you say amazing??!?!?!? so yeah very excited
f; finally...days at the beach and going partying and such. god it is going to be nice to go to the beach with my friends and get drunk.,..even though it is kinda illegal...who cares...we're from pville...its what we do lol
so yeah...i got a lot to look forward to...cant effing wait. it is going to be sad when school is over but im going to be to busy...thats a lie...im going to see a snap dragon and be reminded of amber or have someone say something random and be like "wow this reminds me of that time in the theatre"
"you cant stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky, you cant stop the beat!"
- hairspray!
anyways...im totally lost right now...i dunno what the hell i am doing next year...i really wanna do second year but i need to get out of nanaimo...so i have no clue...i am going to have to wait and see...
in other news...i dont think i have any...other then i am obsessing over hairspray...the songs are stuck in my head right now...crazy awesome! and the remake has some HUGE names in it...like amanda bynes, john travolta, queen latifa...im soo excited for the summer...
this summer is going to rock aside from having to work but i get to
a; turn 19!!! i am soooooo excited for that./...you have no idea
b; hairspray comming out...just stated im excited
c; SUMMER OF HARRY POTTER!!! ahhhhh its crazy...the 5th movie and the 7th and final book...im freaking out about it...i think i am serously going to die after which sucks cus it is before my 19th so :P
d; birthdays...emma leigh turns 18 and so does chris...yay for being the same age as my best friends...for a month or so :P
and e; TITANIC EXIBIT!!!! soooooo fucking excited. i have been obsessed with the titanic since my mom told me about it when i was 8...i know so many useless facts about it. and the exibit is comming to victoria...with 281 recovered things from the actual titanic!!!! can you say amazing??!?!?!? so yeah very excited
f; finally...days at the beach and going partying and such. god it is going to be nice to go to the beach with my friends and get drunk.,..even though it is kinda illegal...who cares...we're from pville...its what we do lol
so yeah...i got a lot to look forward to...cant effing wait. it is going to be sad when school is over but im going to be to busy...thats a lie...im going to see a snap dragon and be reminded of amber or have someone say something random and be like "wow this reminds me of that time in the theatre"
"you cant stop the motion of the ocean or the sun in the sky, you cant stop the beat!"
- hairspray!
March 29, 2007
Things are changing, It seems strange and I need to figure this out
so almost done...its scary...i cant believe how scared i was in the beginning of the year and now it is normal. how far i've come in this year is insane and i have so many of you to thank.
Amber you were a huge part of my life this year even if you dont know it. im really going to miss having you here next year. keep in touch girly!!
Alleah and Alex! MY SMOKING PEOPLE! god there is going to be no one to smoke with next year...looks like ima gonna have to quit eh? lol
Kaitlyn, i am so glad i got to do Urinetown with you. you are amazing and i hope you go far in theatre cus you are fantastic at it!
Davies...good luck with whatever comes your way. im going to miss you a lot.
to all other second years...good luck with Life guys. you deserve the world and keep in touch!!
and to my first year friends....guys we made it. through drama and laughter we made it to the end of the year. if i dont come back next year keep up me. someone will have to dye their hair crazy and such. or randomly get a piercing...you know that kinda thing...love you all
can you believe how long ago this is now? we barily knew each other back then and now...i cant imagin not knowing you all...cheers!
March 28, 2007
i've been thinking alot again...thinking about me..about what i need to do...im so scared to grow up...but i want to get out of here...so im kinda stuck again...im so worried about money...if i go back to school i will have a huge debt and i dont like that...i dont like oweing people a doller...i have 7000$ in loans to pay off...and that scares me. if i go to katimavik for a year then i will get threee dollers a day plus 1000$ once i finish in a bursary...that would help SOOO much...so i aplyed and i think i am goiing to do it...im scared as hell to leave but....it would be 9 months out and about...in the real world...scary thought eh? i would get to go to three places i have never been...that would be soo cool...so i dunno...i wanna do it. but it would be hard...you are not allowed to come home for christmas...or new years...which would both be hard...you';re not allowed to drink...which would again be hard...im sure i could go around that rule cus im pro but...i dunno...we'll see what happens and if i even get into second year :P
March 27, 2007
32 hours is quite enough this time
so yeah 32 hours awake right now..i could stay up but...naw...anyways...good day today...i amm so sore though...dunno why...probably lifting things when i should not be but *shush* people dont have to know about michelles not able ness...i got to see the bay theatre...and man...it is a shit hole! i will never again doubt the word of others...for now...but i would still like to one day so a show there...cus i did like its falling down ish ness...and yucky ness....
anyways...CATS is going to be fantastic...the kids are sooooooo cute...they have a 7 year old playing the part of i guess you could say the "stud" cat...you know the ones all fawn over....and he is in purple feathers...soo cute...the costumes for doller store finds look amazing and yeah...it just looks really good...
i think that is it....and i am to tired to think otherwise :P
anyways...CATS is going to be fantastic...the kids are sooooooo cute...they have a 7 year old playing the part of i guess you could say the "stud" cat...you know the ones all fawn over....and he is in purple feathers...soo cute...the costumes for doller store finds look amazing and yeah...it just looks really good...
i think that is it....and i am to tired to think otherwise :P
say a prayer but let the good times roll
weeeeee so im totaly in a good mood right now...i cant believe i am almost done my first year of college...even though it didnt really feel like college it was. have not decided yet if i am going to do second year or work for a year...i really dont know. god i am so close to being legal ... less then 5 months man...my little brother turns 16 in a month!! when the fuck did all this happen man? god i dunno...maybe ... nah time machines are to crazy...oh well...laters!
March 25, 2007
Hate Me For All THe Things I Didnt Do For You
my mom was right...it just came and slapped me in the face...10 fucking months...i cant even believe it...with all the other stuff it kinda went in the back of my mind...and now poof...here we are...10 months...its almost a year...and 3 months tomorow for sara...holy shit...where did time go...i dont remeber the 9 month...i remember the 19th bday but...wow...it is getting easyer ... much easyer for me...but not for others...god this is insane...
in truth we were not that close...but i hurt when friends hurt and that was hard...i miss him though...i miss the guy who was always cracking stupid jokes...and his laugh...and always trying to get me in trouble...yeah John you...remember when you tried to get me kicked out of math cus i was skipping and helping with YOUR show. stupid jerk. you were an ass John you really were. but you were you. i wish i knew you were hurting cus i would have told you to smarten the fuck up and look at who you would hurt. of all the things you did that was the worse...it was stupid and you hurt so many...many people wont get over this. its been 10 months and people are still crying cus you are not here...its not fair john. not fair to anyone not even you. even peopel who i do not get along with dont deserve this. it was selfish and wrong. but you did what you did and i wish you hadnt. but i cant change the past. and ive finally come to respect your decision...even if i dont agree with it. hope you are happy where you are John. and i hope you know that we did love you and would have helped...even me. who you tormented for 2 years. you were growing up and had your whole life ahead of you. RIP AJ...
(just me getting out somethings that i have had in my mind for a long time...i've finally been able to let him go...it was his choise and there is nothing i can do about it.)
in truth we were not that close...but i hurt when friends hurt and that was hard...i miss him though...i miss the guy who was always cracking stupid jokes...and his laugh...and always trying to get me in trouble...yeah John you...remember when you tried to get me kicked out of math cus i was skipping and helping with YOUR show. stupid jerk. you were an ass John you really were. but you were you. i wish i knew you were hurting cus i would have told you to smarten the fuck up and look at who you would hurt. of all the things you did that was the worse...it was stupid and you hurt so many...many people wont get over this. its been 10 months and people are still crying cus you are not here...its not fair john. not fair to anyone not even you. even peopel who i do not get along with dont deserve this. it was selfish and wrong. but you did what you did and i wish you hadnt. but i cant change the past. and ive finally come to respect your decision...even if i dont agree with it. hope you are happy where you are John. and i hope you know that we did love you and would have helped...even me. who you tormented for 2 years. you were growing up and had your whole life ahead of you. RIP AJ...
(just me getting out somethings that i have had in my mind for a long time...i've finally been able to let him go...it was his choise and there is nothing i can do about it.)
March 24, 2007
thanks for the memories, even though they wernt that great
ho kay...doing much better today...i steals this from martha on nexopia...and i did it but a lot of the guys have nex...and some of them i didnt want to see it :P
Name 11 members of the opposite sex.
1.) Josh
2.) Lennie
3.) Clayton
4.) Alex
5.) Julien
6.) Chris
7.) Robbie
8.) Max
9.) David
10.) Nabil
11.) Eric
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN 7 NAKED?: i wish
WOULD YOU EVER KISS 11?: um i might already have :P
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 3 FOR?: a few weeks
HAS 10 EVER BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE?:once to party
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED 2?: Nope
IS 9 SINGLE?: im not sure really
DO YOU LOVE 5?: hes an ass to me but soo much fun to have around
IS 10 DATING SOMEONE YOU KNOW?: not that i know of
WHAT'S 1'S FAVORITE BAND?: he likes a lot
HAVE YOU EVER GONE ON A ROAD TRIP WITH 4?: no...unless you count from malaspina to my house :P
HOW OLD IS 11?: 19
WOULD YOU CARE IF 6 DATED A FRIEND OF YOURS?: pretty sure he already is :P
DOES 2 HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU?: i can def say no...he is dating somone :P
WOULD YOU EVER DATE 8?: that would have to be a no...i love the kid...but no
WOULD YOU EVER KISS 1?: yes *blushes*
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 8?: since high school
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 6 TRIED TO KISS YOU?: umm....way to akward to handle i must say
IS 2 SINGLE?: nope
HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT IN 7'S BED?: no...
WHO IS 5'S BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?: he doest have one as far as i know
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO 2'S HOUSE?: nope
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 5?: didnt i already answer this? hes mean but fun to be around
DO YOU KNOW 4'S PARENTS?: cant say that i do
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO 3'S HOUSE?: nope
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 1? i heart him muchly
WOULD YOU EVER MARRY 9? AHAHAHAHAHA sure.. but we'd have to have an open relationship!
WHO HAVE YOU KNOW THE LONGEST?: ummm....no
WHO ARE YOU BETTER FRIENDS WITH?: depends on the day...chris used to be my best friend...but now we dont talk...i talk to lennie and josh almost everyday...i dunno!!
Name 11 members of the opposite sex.
1.) Josh
2.) Lennie
3.) Clayton
4.) Alex
5.) Julien
6.) Chris
7.) Robbie
8.) Max
9.) David
10.) Nabil
11.) Eric
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN 7 NAKED?: i wish
WOULD YOU EVER KISS 11?: um i might already have :P
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 3 FOR?: a few weeks
HAS 10 EVER BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE?:once to party
HAVE YOU EVER KISSED 2?: Nope
IS 9 SINGLE?: im not sure really
DO YOU LOVE 5?: hes an ass to me but soo much fun to have around
IS 10 DATING SOMEONE YOU KNOW?: not that i know of
WHAT'S 1'S FAVORITE BAND?: he likes a lot
HAVE YOU EVER GONE ON A ROAD TRIP WITH 4?: no...unless you count from malaspina to my house :P
HOW OLD IS 11?: 19
WOULD YOU CARE IF 6 DATED A FRIEND OF YOURS?: pretty sure he already is :P
DOES 2 HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU?: i can def say no...he is dating somone :P
WOULD YOU EVER DATE 8?: that would have to be a no...i love the kid...but no
WOULD YOU EVER KISS 1?: yes *blushes*
HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN 8?: since high school
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF 6 TRIED TO KISS YOU?: umm....way to akward to handle i must say
IS 2 SINGLE?: nope
HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT IN 7'S BED?: no...
WHO IS 5'S BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND?: he doest have one as far as i know
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO 2'S HOUSE?: nope
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 5?: didnt i already answer this? hes mean but fun to be around
DO YOU KNOW 4'S PARENTS?: cant say that i do
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO 3'S HOUSE?: nope
HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT 1? i heart him muchly
WOULD YOU EVER MARRY 9? AHAHAHAHAHA sure.. but we'd have to have an open relationship!
WHO HAVE YOU KNOW THE LONGEST?: ummm....no
WHO ARE YOU BETTER FRIENDS WITH?: depends on the day...chris used to be my best friend...but now we dont talk...i talk to lennie and josh almost everyday...i dunno!!
i'd show a smile but im too weak
i know im posting twice...but i just cant get things out of my head. em you know i take things harder then you...you're so much stronger then me in that aspect. seeing mandys room probably will hit you at one point but i cant get it out of my mind. with everything i have been though...when will it fucking end? i dont deal well with emotional pain. i would rather be beaten to nothing then see one of my friends die...does that make we weird? i just cant deal with emotional stuff. and its funny cus i used to be really good at it.. go go supression. throught out the past 2 years i have had so many memories come back to me...and so much pain. up untill grade 11 i didnt remember anything before the age of 7...i didnt remember moving here...i didnt remember anything from vancouver. i didnt remember my grandparents who i lost...none of it. i blocked it from my mind. but then i found emma leigh....and believe it or not em...you changed my life. i dont think you ever knew how far gone i was. how good i was at hiding everything. its hard to deal with 16 years of emotional pain in two years. im not trying to bitch and complain or anything...all that has happened has made me who i am...and i am SO greatful that me and you are friends. i would have died without you em. you're not just my best friend...you are my other half.
i dont know where that came from...its been in my head for awhile...it wow...came out...
i dont know where that came from...its been in my head for awhile...it wow...came out...
March 23, 2007
wow...
that is all i can say and all i have been saying all night....
lets start at the beginning shall we?
well i went to the sos as planned right...played guitar...then went to tie dye a shirt...did that..went for a smoke...emma leigh gets a call and she goes white (which is hard for em cus she is pale as fuck) anyways...me and kimmy know something is up cus she doesnt do this...so we follow her and she gets off the phone. her sisters room is on fire...or rather...burnt...she has nothing. let me tell you...its was the scarest thing i have ever experanced. i called my mom and she drove me and emma leigh and kimmy to the house...and i NEVER want to see this site again. fire trucks everywhere...water all over the street...people outside. i walk over to her mom....my second mom...and i almost lost it. i almost had tears running down my face...when you see my best friend...her sister who is my other best friend...and someone who i think of as my other mother...crying...i dont even know how to decribe it. it was an out of body experance...all that was going through my head was "stay calm and make everyone feel better" and i tried...and i hope i helped. i never want to go through that again...i got to look at her room and it was soo scary. she managed to shut her door so it was only in her room...but she has nothing left...the room is all charded. this is a room i have been in so many times. it was the scarest thing i have ever seen. to see that room like that with all the firefighters around and water and smoke...i just wanna be with them right now. that is my second family and when they hurt i hurt. so to stop this long blog where im pretty sure nothing makes sence cus nothing does to me right now....
RIP COUCH! i will miss thee...(the cushions were in mandys room...they were the last bit of my couch that used to eat everyone but me....)
March 22, 2007
you aint it miss thing
lame-o i had to stay home today...it sucked...turns out i fucked up my knee...its all bruised and not pretty and i cant bend or straighten it all the way or the scab that has taken over decides it wants to crack in half...un cool
anyways...stealing the ten things from Jillys blog...cus i wanna
10 Things I'd Like to Accomplish in the Next 10 Years...
1: write a show and have it preformed
it is my dream...i just cant write lol
2: travle back to hawaii
i miss it there...it was so peacful
3: get out of BC
i want to do more theatre...and you cant really do that in BC
4: move out of my house
It is lame i still live with my mother
5: master the keyboard/guitar
i will get there...it just might take me 10 years lol
6: quit smoking
again...might take me 10 years
7: Get married
doesnt everyone?
8: get a job in theatre
this is what i want out of life...
9: find my older sister
i miss her and i know she is around
10: honestly i just want to live more then i have been
10 Songs I'm in Love With Right Now
The Last Night- Skillet
I love them and this song is just so...what im thinking right now
Existentialism on Prom Night - Stray Light Run
again...really amazing song and i can almost play the piano intro to it
Whispers in the Dark - skillet
same reason as above...sooo close
Mad World - Gary Jules
from the donny darko soundtrack...im in love with this song and i again can almost play it on the keyboard
this time imperfect - AFI
i just cant put into words how incredible this song is...
Caught In The Rain - October Fall
its just such a fun song and it is great to dance to
Never to Late - 3 days grace
it reminds me of john...i cry almost everytime i hear it but it is kinda comforting to me too...
and im to lazy to figure out anything else chow! :D
anyways...stealing the ten things from Jillys blog...cus i wanna
10 Things I'd Like to Accomplish in the Next 10 Years...
1: write a show and have it preformed
it is my dream...i just cant write lol
2: travle back to hawaii
i miss it there...it was so peacful
3: get out of BC
i want to do more theatre...and you cant really do that in BC
4: move out of my house
It is lame i still live with my mother
5: master the keyboard/guitar
i will get there...it just might take me 10 years lol
6: quit smoking
again...might take me 10 years
7: Get married
doesnt everyone?
8: get a job in theatre
this is what i want out of life...
9: find my older sister
i miss her and i know she is around
10: honestly i just want to live more then i have been
10 Songs I'm in Love With Right Now
The Last Night- Skillet
I love them and this song is just so...what im thinking right now
Existentialism on Prom Night - Stray Light Run
again...really amazing song and i can almost play the piano intro to it
Whispers in the Dark - skillet
same reason as above...sooo close
Mad World - Gary Jules
from the donny darko soundtrack...im in love with this song and i again can almost play it on the keyboard
this time imperfect - AFI
i just cant put into words how incredible this song is...
Caught In The Rain - October Fall
its just such a fun song and it is great to dance to
Never to Late - 3 days grace
it reminds me of john...i cry almost everytime i hear it but it is kinda comforting to me too...
and im to lazy to figure out anything else chow! :D
March 21, 2007
I Tired To Be Perfect But Nothing Was Worth It
not much to update...i hurt my knee today in acting and it is all road rashie...not fun it hurts...and i burnt my tongue and it feels really weird with the piercing in it...first time i have burnt my tongue since i got it done...weird...anyways.
im doing a lot better then i was a few weeks ago...i seem somewhat back to normal. i went through all my old poetry from high school and looks back on this old lit site we used to have./...i was not a happy person back then. i wish more people could have seen how far i have already come from who i was. that would be cool. i wish i was different in high school...more happy would have been nice. but wahtever it made me me...so for tha ti am happy
im doing a lot better then i was a few weeks ago...i seem somewhat back to normal. i went through all my old poetry from high school and looks back on this old lit site we used to have./...i was not a happy person back then. i wish more people could have seen how far i have already come from who i was. that would be cool. i wish i was different in high school...more happy would have been nice. but wahtever it made me me...so for tha ti am happy
March 19, 2007
suprise suprise!!
so i should not be updating cus i have to leave for school soon but I DONT CARE! i need to vent cus if i dont i am going to be grouchy today
i just found out from my mother that one of her close friends has C.O.P.D or something like that...hes one of my friends too...i have known him since i was born. his children are like family to me. i guess their son is now not phoning his mother since he found out. which worrys me more cus he isnt the smartest person ever...i know i should not be worring about what i cannot change but...please if there is a god in the world do not take Bill from us. my mother and i were talking the other day and he has always been there for me that i disussed with my mother who would walk me down the asle and i told her "i was thinking about bill, he's always been there when my father wasnt" but now....god this cant be happening...damnit no crying i just put on make up....
so please...if you believe in God...please pray for him. i knwo i will be. he has to make it though this...for all of us.
i just found out from my mother that one of her close friends has C.O.P.D or something like that...hes one of my friends too...i have known him since i was born. his children are like family to me. i guess their son is now not phoning his mother since he found out. which worrys me more cus he isnt the smartest person ever...i know i should not be worring about what i cannot change but...please if there is a god in the world do not take Bill from us. my mother and i were talking the other day and he has always been there for me that i disussed with my mother who would walk me down the asle and i told her "i was thinking about bill, he's always been there when my father wasnt" but now....god this cant be happening...damnit no crying i just put on make up....
so please...if you believe in God...please pray for him. i knwo i will be. he has to make it though this...for all of us.
March 18, 2007
stop, turn, take a look around at all the lights and sounds
maybe i just gotta stop trying to hard. people love me for who i am..not for what i look like or what i do...but for me..only took me 19 years to realize this...but i finally have. i woke up this morning going "great another day...i've already fucked up by not getting up for rehersal...im great *rolls eyes*" but then i go to check my nex...and there is a random comment from Clayton...stating very simply "you fucking rock" it made my day...lennie left me a comment last week to along to same lines. these are people who i have known about and met before but never got the chance to know them cus "they will never like me" but guess what...they do...they are great people and i love them so very much...i am so glad they came to my party...and i got to hang out with them. they say what is on their mind and dont care who hears...hell lennie walked into my fucking house, never having been there before...just randomly...i was getting something upstairs and there he was...im my house...it was weird but then it wasnt. that is who he is and i accepted that. right then and there...i dont usually do that. i dont usually accept people the first time. some part of me is always in the back saying "this person could hurt you" but it doesnt seem to be there anymore. its gone.
just a few mins ago i was talking to my friend ian and i said something that i would NEVER have said a few months ago...i was more taken aback then he was. i have changed. i didnt even notice it but it is there...and i really like it. sure i have lost some of my old friends but the people i have gained in the last year are amazing. all the theatre people and the random people i have met...i am SO blessed to have them all in my life.
just a few mins ago i was talking to my friend ian and i said something that i would NEVER have said a few months ago...i was more taken aback then he was. i have changed. i didnt even notice it but it is there...and i really like it. sure i have lost some of my old friends but the people i have gained in the last year are amazing. all the theatre people and the random people i have met...i am SO blessed to have them all in my life.
March 17, 2007
GUITARIST FINGERS!!
LMAO! i forget to mention that...yesterday me and kimmy were watching the band play and she told me she thought the singer was kinda cute...i went no...she went maybe it was the fact he was singing...then i mentioned being able to play the guitar...and then the fingers...and how they are fantastic...then the guitar players does this really compliced riff and fingers are flying everywhere and i turn to kimmy, smirk and say "now if he can do that...think of the possibilities" then we both die laughing...honestly...and that is when patty decides to take the picture...which is awesome
so yeah it was fun yesterday...
happy st pattys day to you all! i wish i could have gone and partied but i have rehersal tomorrow wiht a bunch of kids...and i really dont wanna be hungover for it sorry...it just would not be plesent :P
anyways kids...i shall check out for now
love heals
so tonight was pretty awesome...kinda mellow but still kool...got to see a lot of people i had not seen in awhile...which was really nice...it is always nice to see friends...
so i went though my old blog on nexopia and was looking at things...and i noticed that people said that i love me friends...a lot...and i guess i do...that is something that i can always fall back on is what i have done for others. i never had real friends untill i got to high school. like i really dont talk to people from elementary and middle school cus i was so different then. i had severe stage fright...suprising huh? and i was shy...i didnt like to let people in. i dont know when or why that changed but it did. i went from someone who let no one but got hurt to someone who lets everyone in and still gets hurt. honestly there are no secrets with me. i cant stand them. thats why i like to tell people how i feel about them. after John died i realized that life is soo short...you could die tomorrow. it could all be over for you. i never want that to happen to me. when i want to say something usually it gets said just cus i may never get that chance again. im me...im real...i dont lie anymore.
wow another rant for M :P
chow people BIG HEARTS!!
so i went though my old blog on nexopia and was looking at things...and i noticed that people said that i love me friends...a lot...and i guess i do...that is something that i can always fall back on is what i have done for others. i never had real friends untill i got to high school. like i really dont talk to people from elementary and middle school cus i was so different then. i had severe stage fright...suprising huh? and i was shy...i didnt like to let people in. i dont know when or why that changed but it did. i went from someone who let no one but got hurt to someone who lets everyone in and still gets hurt. honestly there are no secrets with me. i cant stand them. thats why i like to tell people how i feel about them. after John died i realized that life is soo short...you could die tomorrow. it could all be over for you. i never want that to happen to me. when i want to say something usually it gets said just cus i may never get that chance again. im me...im real...i dont lie anymore.
wow another rant for M :P
chow people BIG HEARTS!!
March 15, 2007
grrrrr
i fucking hate excuses. if you dont want to hang out just tell me...it isnt that hard. oh this just isnt fair....why do i always like the ones that dont even wanna hang out? that could care less if i was on this planet? it seems like i always like those ones. the ones that are kinda my friends cus their friends are my friends...
i know i need to find someone that likes me but...i can never seem to find that one. its very annoying
i know i need to find someone that likes me but...i can never seem to find that one. its very annoying
woah black betty!!!!
its really amazing how a few months pass and we dont talk anymore. the past few years we were all so close and now...i dont even remember the last time i saw some of you. i miss you alll sooooo much...i miss how we just knew each other so well. and BJ...i miss the stories and how we could do anything in that theatre. i miss complaining about everything even though you all knew i was just faking it :P i miss being told "go" and i knew that it ment someone needed something done in the booth...i knew how i would always have a tech thing to do in that theatre. i miss how we would have soo much to do opening night of a show. i miss cast parties before there was drinking. i miss the innocence of truth or dare and spin the bottle. i miss the green room that wasnt green and had a blue door. i miss how crappy that theatre was but we loved it...and it was still better then KSS. i miss bragging to KSS kids about how much better we were at theatre. i miss the long rants we used to get into about random things like when heather went off about milk. i miss doing games and park bench. i miss watching shows from the booth...on the left side of the theatre. i miss knowing what to do. I miss people...i miss courteneys pacing, i miss sam and heather and kendra going off about some kinda anime and eric kinda joining in....i miss saying SHUT UP BLAKE! or BLAKE DID IT! i miss telling sean to shut his face. i miss misty singing the time warp all the time. i miss dancing on the stage. i miss scaring everyone outside the theatre. i miss being able to go there and know you had a friend. i miss the excitement of the theatre back then...when we got the new sound board or when the lights were re done. i miss the stupid rigging at that school and how i could not for the life of me work the damn things. i miss knowing my place. i miss everything about that theatre.
ahh just a little rant. i was looking through some old photos of my friends...and i dont talk to a lot of them anymore. like sam and kylie or kris or kendra or misty...or any body really. and a part of me really really misses it. i want to find that somewhere. but i dont think i will. we were too close and in the end that hurt us. we faught and left it and now...we are leaving it for good.
ahh just a little rant. i was looking through some old photos of my friends...and i dont talk to a lot of them anymore. like sam and kylie or kris or kendra or misty...or any body really. and a part of me really really misses it. i want to find that somewhere. but i dont think i will. we were too close and in the end that hurt us. we faught and left it and now...we are leaving it for good.
March 13, 2007
waking up to you never felt so real
amazing two days...im really glad to be back...like really really. i had a lot of fun today...i got to talk to lisa a lot and that rocks....and then i got to take the props down to the storage and see it and then load and unload wood...or rather grubby wood which i got to trash...it was fun. leon is the best!!! then i had cats rehersal and i got to paint and talk to manda...i love her. its great to have more contacts. then i met this random tattoo guy who was really cool. he told me that there are like 4 underground tattoo shops in pville. interesting...and then i took bus and here i am...
so yeah....it was great. i love being back and i love people...now for random!!
You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
i think if i went out to dinner with Jesus...the place we went would pay
Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
alaska...stupid
You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try?
*hums something about it being a secret*
What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
being mean or cheating
What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
all scary movies scare me...
You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
anything and everything...probably something really greasy...or turkey dinner
What's something that most people do that you've never done?
date
Before you die where do you want to go to...?
everywhere and everywhere
Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
quit smoking...you guys have no idea how bad i want to
A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
wolf
A drug you'll never try?
non natual ones...im ok with pot sometimes and im ok with mushrooms...anything else is a total fuck off for me
If you were an animal what would you be?
wolf...or a bee
Worst way to die?
alone...i agree martha
Best way to die?
durring sex...or in jell-o
Grossest injury you've ever seen?
i've seen a lot...probably when a kid at my school split his head open...that was pretty nasty
the worst injury you've ever had?
i got a piece of shell as big as my pinkie nail jammed in my foot
What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
new york or hawaii...again
What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
theatre
What's your material obsession?
make up or musicial instraments
Favorite kind of dog?
huskey/wolf cross
Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
sleeping or on msn...or maye drinking at a party..depends on the weekend
Worst job you've ever had?
watching these two kids over the summer
What's something your friends make fun of you for?
being an idiot.
What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
told my mom that it is her fault that i am like this and i dont hug her cus i hate her and i was either moving in with my dad or jumping out that window.....yeah that was not a good day.
Ever fallen out of love?
i think i have...dunno
Have you ever dated someone you met online?
nope
Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?
nope
Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
yeah...strangly enough.
Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
sure i would...my mom wouldnt care and my dad has a gay brother...i think they would be ok with it
Do you walk around the house naked?
when no one is home
Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
hells no...i invent words and sentances that dont make any sence but to me
Are you afraid of commitment?
not one bit
Are you a jealous person?
i can be.
If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in you, what would you do/say?
depends on the person how i would say it
What would you rather be doing right now?
this...i got nothing to do right now
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex
i dunno...i have a lot...but my best friend is a girl and she seems to be sticking around since my other guy best friend doesnt talk to me anymore :( but i get along really well with guys...so iunno
Can others make you cry easily?
oh god i cry really easy...
Who was the last person to piss you off?
myself
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
depends on how much sleep i got the night before...i can go really long time without sleep...my body is used to little sleep...yet when i do sleep...do not wake me
Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
yes i have
What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
loyalty and sence of humor...and you know...playing an instrament is a plus...so is being into theatre....
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
hell yes
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
nope... if all goes well....maybe
When was the last time someone hit on you?
last friday
chow people love you all
so yeah....it was great. i love being back and i love people...now for random!!
You and Jesus go out to dinner - who pays?
i think if i went out to dinner with Jesus...the place we went would pay
Pick one state in the U.S. to get rid of permanently.
alaska...stupid
You wake up as the opposite gender what's the one thing you wanna try?
*hums something about it being a secret*
What's an automatic deal breaker in a potential significant other?
being mean or cheating
What is the last movie you saw that actually scared you?
all scary movies scare me...
You're sentenced to death and its the morning of your execution, what do you want to eat?
anything and everything...probably something really greasy...or turkey dinner
What's something that most people do that you've never done?
date
Before you die where do you want to go to...?
everywhere and everywhere
Something you'd really like to do but probably won't ever be able to do?
quit smoking...you guys have no idea how bad i want to
A wild animal you'd like to have as a pet?
wolf
A drug you'll never try?
non natual ones...im ok with pot sometimes and im ok with mushrooms...anything else is a total fuck off for me
If you were an animal what would you be?
wolf...or a bee
Worst way to die?
alone...i agree martha
Best way to die?
durring sex...or in jell-o
Grossest injury you've ever seen?
i've seen a lot...probably when a kid at my school split his head open...that was pretty nasty
the worst injury you've ever had?
i got a piece of shell as big as my pinkie nail jammed in my foot
What city in the U.S. do you want to visit?
new york or hawaii...again
What's something you think would be sweet to know everything about?
theatre
What's your material obsession?
make up or musicial instraments
Favorite kind of dog?
huskey/wolf cross
Its Saturday at 3am where are you?
sleeping or on msn...or maye drinking at a party..depends on the weekend
Worst job you've ever had?
watching these two kids over the summer
What's something your friends make fun of you for?
being an idiot.
What's the meanest thing you've ever done?
told my mom that it is her fault that i am like this and i dont hug her cus i hate her and i was either moving in with my dad or jumping out that window.....yeah that was not a good day.
Ever fallen out of love?
i think i have...dunno
Have you ever dated someone you met online?
nope
Have you ever dated/fooled around with a coworker?
nope
Do you have any friends that you've known for 10 years or more?
yeah...strangly enough.
Would you tell your parents if you're gay?
sure i would...my mom wouldnt care and my dad has a gay brother...i think they would be ok with it
Do you walk around the house naked?
when no one is home
Are you picky about spelling and grammar?
hells no...i invent words and sentances that dont make any sence but to me
Are you afraid of commitment?
not one bit
Are you a jealous person?
i can be.
If someone you had no interest in dating, expressed interest in you, what would you do/say?
depends on the person how i would say it
What would you rather be doing right now?
this...i got nothing to do right now
Do you get along better with the same or opposite sex
i dunno...i have a lot...but my best friend is a girl and she seems to be sticking around since my other guy best friend doesnt talk to me anymore :( but i get along really well with guys...so iunno
Can others make you cry easily?
oh god i cry really easy...
Who was the last person to piss you off?
myself
How many hours of sleep do you need to function?
depends on how much sleep i got the night before...i can go really long time without sleep...my body is used to little sleep...yet when i do sleep...do not wake me
Have you ever been attracted to someone physically unattractive?
yes i have
What personality trait is a must-have in the opposite sex?
loyalty and sence of humor...and you know...playing an instrament is a plus...so is being into theatre....
Would you ever date someone covered in tattoos?
hell yes
Have you ever dated one of your best friends?
nope... if all goes well....maybe
When was the last time someone hit on you?
last friday
chow people love you all
March 11, 2007
lets get these teen hearts beating faster and faster
(if you have not read the post below this...read it!!!)
anyways...im really happy to go back to school. this week has been so hard but i needed it. i dunno what happened to me i just kinda snapped. whatever its in the past now and im moving on. i talked to dearling mandy last night and we are ok. after all this i still like him...silly michelle. oh wells
i am improving on my guitar soooo much now. i can switch chords without stopping....which for me is a huge advance cus i suck at guitar but now i dont...kinda...
anyways...looking forward to tomorrow! :D
anyways...im really happy to go back to school. this week has been so hard but i needed it. i dunno what happened to me i just kinda snapped. whatever its in the past now and im moving on. i talked to dearling mandy last night and we are ok. after all this i still like him...silly michelle. oh wells
i am improving on my guitar soooo much now. i can switch chords without stopping....which for me is a huge advance cus i suck at guitar but now i dont...kinda...
anyways...looking forward to tomorrow! :D
take a page out of someone elses book
it is time for michelle to do something for other people...i have not been a very good person so here it is...im doing the truths thing again...i dont care if people read it or but the people i have linked are going to get something nice about them here...so here goes...
Alleah i had sooo much fun working on Urinetown with you. and just talking to you. you are amazing. one of the reasons i did smoke durring Urinetown was cus i got to talk to you. i look up to you. you are so focused (most of the time) but you know what you want and you go for it. to hell with others.
Amber you were one of the first people i talked to from mal. you invited me to your picnic without knowing me. you are so much fun to be around and i love hanging out with you. out of all the theatres i see a lot of myself in you. that is a compliment. you are an artist. you see something and know it is beautiful. i wish you could see that in yourself. you are a beautiful person.
Brianna i was so very intimated by you when i first met you. you are so confident in the things you do. you manage however many friends you have but you never take time for youself. i wish i knew you better cus i like hanging with you
Court what can i say about you that i have not already said? i have known you since first day of grade 9. you got me into theatre. you helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. the day john died i went straight for you cus you understood. you know me soo well it is scary sometimes. and i think i understand you better then most. court you are amazing. and i love you. and im really going to miss you
Davies: i love working with you. there was never a dull moment during Urinetown when you were around. you always look people in the eye when talking to them and i really like that. (yes i am weird that way) you connect with people.
Devin you are the best. you are not afraid of who you are and you let everyone know that. (i only find it a little weird that sexy back is on the radio right now :P) you were one of the first people i really started talking to this year. big hugs*
Emma-Leigh what can i say? i hate you....i cant even lie on here. you are my world. i would not be here if it were not for you. just seeing you brightens my day. you know me better then i know myself. i dont have to say anything to you and you know. you are my best friend and my sister. my other half. i love you more then people can even know. this year has been so hard without you but i think it has brought us closer. you will always be my best friend em. forever and ever.
Gregoire you are awesome-tastic. yes i use that word for you. i remember meeting you when i was in grade 10 and i am very glad that i get the chance to know you better. you're laugh always makes me laugh and you are so down to earth. you dont complain you just take things as they come.
Jill you listened to me when i really needed it. you were the first person i trusted at mal. every day you amaze me with how happy you are. even if you are having a bad day know one would know. and the fact that you rememberd to give me a hug the one day i really needed it was the best thing in the world.
Kaitlyn the first peson to talk to me at mal. at the picnic when we went through my ringtones. i dont know why that stuck with me but it did. and then giving me that tour on the first day. you are so caring even to people you dont like them all that much. you are a fantastic actress and you will make it one day.
Ky i envy you. so many people care about you. everyone likes you. your not that nice to me sometimes but i still like you being there. you make people laugh.
Lisa M you're so smart and focused. you're so different then i thought you would be. i am so glad that you are here this year cus you make me what to try harder. i really want to get to know you better
Lisa V you're so talented. your paintings are fantastic and so are you. doing painting with you on 12th night was a lot of fun.
Martha i dont know what i would have done without you this year. from taking care of me while drunk to just being there when i wanted to vent. you are there when i need you and you understand me. thanks!!:)
Nabil oh Nabil...what are we going to do? lol. i am so glad that both you and i have grown up and seen each other for more. i will never forget the email you sent me about me smiling. that will always stick with me. high school was hard for me but im glad you were there then and im glad you are here now :D
Nathan oh dear...we have known each other for FAR tooo long...grade 1 was it? and i cant believe you still remember my pink pants. i love spending time with you!
Nikki driving with you is fun too. i love talking to you about anything and everything. i miss those times and i hope that we get to have more soon!!
Rick all i can really say to you is thanks. you helped me this year by being totally honest with me when i needed it. thanks mroe then you can know!
so there we go...i hope you all get to see this. you are all amazing people and i thank god every day that i got to meet you. you have all helped me in some way and....thanks :D
Alleah i had sooo much fun working on Urinetown with you. and just talking to you. you are amazing. one of the reasons i did smoke durring Urinetown was cus i got to talk to you. i look up to you. you are so focused (most of the time) but you know what you want and you go for it. to hell with others.
Amber you were one of the first people i talked to from mal. you invited me to your picnic without knowing me. you are so much fun to be around and i love hanging out with you. out of all the theatres i see a lot of myself in you. that is a compliment. you are an artist. you see something and know it is beautiful. i wish you could see that in yourself. you are a beautiful person.
Brianna i was so very intimated by you when i first met you. you are so confident in the things you do. you manage however many friends you have but you never take time for youself. i wish i knew you better cus i like hanging with you
Court what can i say about you that i have not already said? i have known you since first day of grade 9. you got me into theatre. you helped me through some of the hardest times of my life. the day john died i went straight for you cus you understood. you know me soo well it is scary sometimes. and i think i understand you better then most. court you are amazing. and i love you. and im really going to miss you
Davies: i love working with you. there was never a dull moment during Urinetown when you were around. you always look people in the eye when talking to them and i really like that. (yes i am weird that way) you connect with people.
Devin you are the best. you are not afraid of who you are and you let everyone know that. (i only find it a little weird that sexy back is on the radio right now :P) you were one of the first people i really started talking to this year. big hugs*
Emma-Leigh what can i say? i hate you....i cant even lie on here. you are my world. i would not be here if it were not for you. just seeing you brightens my day. you know me better then i know myself. i dont have to say anything to you and you know. you are my best friend and my sister. my other half. i love you more then people can even know. this year has been so hard without you but i think it has brought us closer. you will always be my best friend em. forever and ever.
Gregoire you are awesome-tastic. yes i use that word for you. i remember meeting you when i was in grade 10 and i am very glad that i get the chance to know you better. you're laugh always makes me laugh and you are so down to earth. you dont complain you just take things as they come.
Jill you listened to me when i really needed it. you were the first person i trusted at mal. every day you amaze me with how happy you are. even if you are having a bad day know one would know. and the fact that you rememberd to give me a hug the one day i really needed it was the best thing in the world.
Kaitlyn the first peson to talk to me at mal. at the picnic when we went through my ringtones. i dont know why that stuck with me but it did. and then giving me that tour on the first day. you are so caring even to people you dont like them all that much. you are a fantastic actress and you will make it one day.
Ky i envy you. so many people care about you. everyone likes you. your not that nice to me sometimes but i still like you being there. you make people laugh.
Lisa M you're so smart and focused. you're so different then i thought you would be. i am so glad that you are here this year cus you make me what to try harder. i really want to get to know you better
Lisa V you're so talented. your paintings are fantastic and so are you. doing painting with you on 12th night was a lot of fun.
Martha i dont know what i would have done without you this year. from taking care of me while drunk to just being there when i wanted to vent. you are there when i need you and you understand me. thanks!!:)
Nabil oh Nabil...what are we going to do? lol. i am so glad that both you and i have grown up and seen each other for more. i will never forget the email you sent me about me smiling. that will always stick with me. high school was hard for me but im glad you were there then and im glad you are here now :D
Nathan oh dear...we have known each other for FAR tooo long...grade 1 was it? and i cant believe you still remember my pink pants. i love spending time with you!
Nikki driving with you is fun too. i love talking to you about anything and everything. i miss those times and i hope that we get to have more soon!!
Rick all i can really say to you is thanks. you helped me this year by being totally honest with me when i needed it. thanks mroe then you can know!
so there we go...i hope you all get to see this. you are all amazing people and i thank god every day that i got to meet you. you have all helped me in some way and....thanks :D
March 10, 2007
no one to love me and no one to love
so im supposted to be at a memorial today....but i couldnt bring myself to go. i didnt want to cry today. i was supposted to go and support my friends and i feel really bad but cant i go awhile without crying? this would have been my 3 memorial in less then a year...its only been ten months since John....jezze it is almost one year....fuck time flys....
anyways...im doing 100 times better. i needed to just get out with and play music like yesterday...made me feel fantastic. my mother has never heard me just pick up a piece of music and play it on the keyboard. (only the right hand and only the melody..but shush...she does know that) but yeah...the look on her face made me feel fantastic. and after i finish this i am going back on my guitar to get this song right! anyways..SUPER LONG QUIZ TIME!
A-accidents:
01. Have you ever been in a car accident? two before i was born
02. Do you have a lot of scars? yup
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? my brother
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not that i recall...
05. Have you ever had stitches? no sir
B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? honestly i dont
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? most of the time
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? depends on my mood
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? i have thought about it
10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?how they treat others
C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? never been grounded
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i dont think i would ever get an abortion...i would give it up but not kill it
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? more then people think i do
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? taking away theatre, music or my friends
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? i try not to think about these things cus they all made me who i am
D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i bottle it up till it boils over
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: ever single day of my life
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? right now and they have been fighting since i was born
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? i dont know...depends on who it is...usually i just push it away or try and make them like me
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? 12 that i can remeber on the spot...
E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? one
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? not really...somewhat
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? personally i think i have been through alot...my childhood was crazy...more funerals then birthdays... by the time i was 7 i had been to 10 funerals....thats not easy on a kid
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? hell no
25. How old do you act? depends on the people...and how much i have had to drink
F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? my fathers side...
27. If you had to choose, family or friends? friends...100% cus i concider my family to be my friends...sometiems
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything?nope and i dont
29. Do you have any siblings? three nicole who i think is 27, billy who is almost 16 and heather who is 10
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? not a lot...but more then other people i know
G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'5”
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? emotionally yes i have...hight wise...i have not grown since grade 6
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? im still pretty childish
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? let me hit 20 first
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? i learn every day....and i never want to stop learning
H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? love is real...
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? im more of a pessimist...but im trying to change that
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? me and my friend had a discussion about this. we came to the conslusion that we start out in the center of a spider web of choices...you choose where you go but the outcome was always there...god i miss Chris
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yessum
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? music, theatre, friends
I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? i'm bi-polar
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? yup....but i dont like people to know them cus they dont affect me...and i dont use them as an excuse anymore
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? always am
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? sometimes i do...but im really not
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? every day these things cross my mind...but they get pushed away by better things
J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? i am always laughing
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? oh yes i do
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? hahahaha i used to a LOT in high school
K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school: learning
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? im smarter then most people think...usually with silly trivia that no one understands
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? 97% in band
53. What was your last average? c i think
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? theatre, music, history, logic
L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? with my friends...
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? not at mal...but whenever i go back to ballenas or the sos...i hear MICHELLE and then i get hugged...i miss that
57. Is love worth it? yes
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? well they think they are in love...let them be...the truth will hurt...
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? its both..i say i love you to people all the time to make them feel better..and i mean it...but saying it to someone you care about in that way is totally different
M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? yes
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? poor...but im totally ok with that
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? go go student loans!!!
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? find the perfect person...i would rather be DEAD broke and in love then a millionair and have no one
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? money means nothing to me
N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? nope
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? i dont do it anymore...and further then....well...damnit
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? nope...
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? ummm i wish i .... yeah this one is staying with me
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? for people who know me...im more naughty :P
O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? not long...im prety open from the start
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? again i trust people really easly...but break my trust and you will never get it back
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? if i dont trust you...you have done something to me
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? it depends on the person...i guess if they are comfortable so am i...
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them? my good friends know everything...like emma leigh can see me and know everything...god its nice to have a best friend like that
P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? oh yeah
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? as hard as it is...yes
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? already has this question
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? yes...if you look everything will turn good
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? yup...most recent was johns death...it brought me sooooooo much closer to my friends and make me love life again...and proved to me theatre is what i want to do...how else could i have gone onstage just after bawling my eyes out not 10 mins before
Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? im very stubborn...i wont ask for help unless i am very stuck...or lazy
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? all the time
82. Do you think the government is truthful? AHAHAHA thats a godo one
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? depends on what it is....i cant confront people
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? atlantis...or why i lost so many people unexpecdly...
R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? i dont know how i show it...but you will know if i do
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? hurt me or my friends
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? yup...most of the time
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? my mom dont care...she just does it back to me:P
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? hahah funny stories come with this one...including breaking someones tail bone...slaming doors...and almost getting in a fist fight
S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? .... grade 12
91. When will you graduate high school? 2006
92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? theatre
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? school is awesome
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? i got suspended
T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? oh yeah
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? yup
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? CHEATING IS WRONG!
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love? What did you end up doing? oh i have wanted to...but i havnt
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? depends on how i feel about what i am doing...if i really dotn wanna do it i wont
U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? ummm i have pink hair
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? possibly
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? whatever is clean
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? depends...probably not
104. What makes you different from people your age? i still act like a child sometimes and i dont take everything so serously
V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? lap top and keyboard
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? yes i would
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my photos...all the picture people have drawn me...my doller store birthday present from emma leigh which was my fav present ever...if you see my room...it is full of things that mean everything to me but are worth nothing
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? i thought about this the other day...i couldnt do it...i would die in the fire along with me life
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? memories are what keep me going
W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? one: to fall in love with someone who loved me, two: to do theatre for the rest of my life and not have to worry about money, three: give my friends the world cus i would not be here without them
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? loved ones...im not happy if they are not happy
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? i still wish on stars...
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? i think so
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? no...wishing is fun
X - Xanga: WTF?
Y - You:
115. Are you more independent or social? social most of the time
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? people mis treating others for no reason
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? yes i do
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? i would be dead...no other way about it. or living on the street being a crack whore
119. Do you think people are generally good? yes i do
Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? right now...yes i think i am...
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? more out going
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? I HATE CHANGE@!!!
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? i love meeting new people. expecialy people who share the passion of music and theatre...hence why i loved doing the festivals
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? love...love for what you are doing, love of friends and family. love makes the world go round
anyways...im doing 100 times better. i needed to just get out with and play music like yesterday...made me feel fantastic. my mother has never heard me just pick up a piece of music and play it on the keyboard. (only the right hand and only the melody..but shush...she does know that) but yeah...the look on her face made me feel fantastic. and after i finish this i am going back on my guitar to get this song right! anyways..SUPER LONG QUIZ TIME!
A-accidents:
01. Have you ever been in a car accident? two before i was born
02. Do you have a lot of scars? yup
03. Have you ever been in a fist fight with someone? my brother
04. Have you ever seriously hurt anyone by mistake? not that i recall...
05. Have you ever had stitches? no sir
B - Beauty:
06. Do you consider yourself beautiful? honestly i dont
07. Are you self conscious of how you look? most of the time
08. Do you put on a lot of make-up? depends on my mood
09. Would you ever consider getting plastic surgery? i have thought about it
10. What do you think makes a person beautiful?how they treat others
C - Consequences:
11. What was the longest amount of time you've been grounded for? never been grounded
12. What would you do if you got pregnant, keep it or have an abortion? i dont think i would ever get an abortion...i would give it up but not kill it
13. Do you ever think about how your actions affect other people? more then people think i do
14. What do you think is the worst punishment someone could give you? taking away theatre, music or my friends
15. What is one thing you wish you didn't do, just because it wasn't worth it in the end? i try not to think about these things cus they all made me who i am
D - Dealing:
16. When you are mad at someone, how do you show them? i bottle it up till it boils over
17. Name a time when you had to be strong: ever single day of my life
18. Have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting? right now and they have been fighting since i was born
19. When people at school don't accept you, or have problems with you, how do you react? i dont know...depends on who it is...usually i just push it away or try and make them like me
20. Have you ever lost someone to death? 12 that i can remeber on the spot...
E - Experience:
21. Have you ever had a job? one
22. Do you think that you are sexually experienced, or not at all? not really...somewhat
23. Have you gone through a lot emotionally, or has life been easy thus far? personally i think i have been through alot...my childhood was crazy...more funerals then birthdays... by the time i was 7 i had been to 10 funerals....thats not easy on a kid
24. Do you think you are ready to be on your own (have your own home, job, etc.)? hell no
25. How old do you act? depends on the people...and how much i have had to drink
F - Family:
26. Is there anyone in your family you don't talk to? my fathers side...
27. If you had to choose, family or friends? friends...100% cus i concider my family to be my friends...sometiems
28. Can you tell your parents or one of your parents anything?nope and i dont
29. Do you have any siblings? three nicole who i think is 27, billy who is almost 16 and heather who is 10
30. How often do you spend 'quality time' with family members? not a lot...but more then other people i know
G - Growing:
31. How tall are you? 5'5”
32. Do you think that you have grown more in the past year than any year before that? emotionally yes i have...hight wise...i have not grown since grade 6
33. As a person, do you think you are mature for your age or still act childish? im still pretty childish
34. Are you scared to think that one day you will turn 30, then 40, then 50? let me hit 20 first
35. Do you believe you still have a lot to learn? i learn every day....and i never want to stop learning
H - Hope:
36. Love - real or not? love is real...
37. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? im more of a pessimist...but im trying to change that
38. Do you believe in fate, that everything happens for a reason, or do you think that our actions lead the way? me and my friend had a discussion about this. we came to the conslusion that we start out in the center of a spider web of choices...you choose where you go but the outcome was always there...god i miss Chris
39. Do you think that after we die our spirit is still alive? yessum
40. What gives you hope when you just feel like dying? music, theatre, friends
I - Issues:
41. Do you suffer from depression or constant sadness/loneliness? i'm bi-polar
42. Do you have any type of disease or disability? yup....but i dont like people to know them cus they dont affect me...and i dont use them as an excuse anymore
43. Are you currently in a hard relationship or have bad luck with the opposite sex? always am
44. Do you think that you are alone in this world? sometimes i do...but im really not
45. How often do you think about death, suicide or running away? every day these things cross my mind...but they get pushed away by better things
J - Jokes:
46. Are you usually the one making people laugh, or the other way around? i am always laughing
47. Do you cry when you laugh hard? oh yes i do
49. Do you ever get in trouble for laughing or talking a lot during class? hahahaha i used to a LOT in high school
K - Knowledge:
50. The purpose of school: learning
51. Do people refer to you as smart, dumb, or average? im smarter then most people think...usually with silly trivia that no one understands
52. What was the highest grade you have received (full course mark)? 97% in band
53. What was your last average? c i think
54. What do you find the most interesting subject to be (to study or to talk about)? theatre, music, history, logic
L - Love:
55. Are you currently in love? with my friends...
56. Do people around you show you a lot of love (tell you they love you, hug you, kiss you, etc.)? not at mal...but whenever i go back to ballenas or the sos...i hear MICHELLE and then i get hugged...i miss that
57. Is love worth it? yes
58. Do you hate it when girls in their young teenage years say they 'love' someone that they've been dating for a few weeks? well they think they are in love...let them be...the truth will hurt...
59. Does it take a lot for you to say you love someone, or is it just a word? its both..i say i love you to people all the time to make them feel better..and i mean it...but saying it to someone you care about in that way is totally different
M - Money:
60. Do you believe that money makes the world go round? yes
61. Is your family on the poor side, average, or above average when it comes to money? poor...but im totally ok with that
62. Are you saving up for college/university, or planning to? go go student loans!!!
63. Would you rather win millions of dollars and be set for life, or find the perfect person to marry and start a family with? find the perfect person...i would rather be DEAD broke and in love then a millionair and have no one
64. On a scale of 1-10, how important is money to you? money means nothing to me
N - Naughty:
65. Are you a virgin? nope
66. What do you think about doing sexual things with someone you're not going out with? i dont do it anymore...and further then....well...damnit
67. Do you know anybody you consider a slut? nope...
68. If you could, would you erase some things you did in the past or make it so you did more? ummm i wish i .... yeah this one is staying with me
69. Do you consider yourself more nice or more naughty? for people who know me...im more naughty :P
O - Openness:
70. How long does it take for you to open up to someone? not long...im prety open from the start
71. What does it take for you to fully trust someone? again i trust people really easly...but break my trust and you will never get it back
72. Are you generally untrusting towards people because of past experiences, or any other reason? if i dont trust you...you have done something to me
73. When are you comfortable with someone sexually? it depends on the person...i guess if they are comfortable so am i...
74. When it comes to parents and close friends, what's the limit of what you can tell them? my good friends know everything...like emma leigh can see me and know everything...god its nice to have a best friend like that
P - Positive:
75. Have you ever had an experience with someone that didn't necessarily end positivetly? oh yeah
76. Do you agree with the saying: better to have loved and lost than not have loved at all? as hard as it is...yes
77. Are you more optimistic or pessimistic? already has this question
78. Do you agree that something good can come out of everything? yes...if you look everything will turn good
79. Have you ever had a time where something really bad happened, but something really good happened because of it? yup...most recent was johns death...it brought me sooooooo much closer to my friends and make me love life again...and proved to me theatre is what i want to do...how else could i have gone onstage just after bawling my eyes out not 10 mins before
Q - Questions:
80. When faced with a problem, do you ask for help or try to figure it out yourself? im very stubborn...i wont ask for help unless i am very stuck...or lazy
81. Do you often question the world and how we came about? all the time
82. Do you think the government is truthful? AHAHAHA thats a godo one
83. When someone does something wrong to you, do you confront them and ask them why they did it or just let it go? depends on what it is....i cant confront people
84. What is one unsolved mystery about the world that you want answers to? atlantis...or why i lost so many people unexpecdly...
R - Respect:
85. How do you show respect? i dont know how i show it...but you will know if i do
86. What can someone do for you to lose all respect for them? hurt me or my friends
87. Do you respect your teachers, parents, and other authority figures? yup...most of the time
88. When you are disrespectful to your parents, what is the punishment? my mom dont care...she just does it back to me:P
89. If someone is mean to you, are you mean back or do you kill them with kindness? hahah funny stories come with this one...including breaking someones tail bone...slaming doors...and almost getting in a fist fight
S - School:
90. If you are still in school, what grade will you be going into? .... grade 12
91. When will you graduate high school? 2006
92. After high school, what did you do/are you planning to do? theatre
93. Do you like or hate school? What do you like/hate about it? school is awesome
94. Have you ever been suspended, expelled, or dropped out of school? i got suspended
T - Temptation:
95. Have you ever done something wrong, knowing it was wrong, because something inside of you said it was okay? oh yeah
96. Has anyone ever pressured you to smoke or drink? yup
97. Did you ever cheat on someone? Why did you do it? CHEATING IS WRONG!
98. Did you ever want to do something sexual with someone you didn't really know or love? What did you end up doing? oh i have wanted to...but i havnt
99. Do you give in to temptation easily, or are you more independent and strong willed? depends on how i feel about what i am doing...if i really dotn wanna do it i wont
U - Unique:
100. Would you rather blend in with the crowd or stand out? ummm i have pink hair
101. Do you do a lot of things because your friends are doing it? possibly
102. Do you follow trends, wear whatever you want, or wear really unique pieces? whatever is clean
103. Do you give in easily to peer pressure? depends...probably not
104. What makes you different from people your age? i still act like a child sometimes and i dont take everything so serously
V - Value:
105. What's the most expensive thing in your room? lap top and keyboard
106. Would you sacrifice your life for other people? yes i would
107. What is something you value not because it costs a lot, but because it means a lot to you? my photos...all the picture people have drawn me...my doller store birthday present from emma leigh which was my fav present ever...if you see my room...it is full of things that mean everything to me but are worth nothing
108. If there was a fire in your house/apartment, what is the one thing you would want to save? i thought about this the other day...i couldnt do it...i would die in the fire along with me life
109. Do you think past memories and experiences are more valuable than what could happen? then the future? memories are what keep me going
W - Wishes:
110. If you had three wishes, what would they be? one: to fall in love with someone who loved me, two: to do theatre for the rest of my life and not have to worry about money, three: give my friends the world cus i would not be here without them
111. Would you rather wish yourself to be happy, or your loved ones? loved ones...im not happy if they are not happy
112. Do you believe that wishes come true if you really believe in them? i still wish on stars...
113. Have you ever had a wish come true? i think so
114. Do you find wishing for things a waste of time because everything that's meant to happen, will happen? no...wishing is fun
X - Xanga: WTF?
Y - You:
115. Are you more independent or social? social most of the time
116. What is something that makes you very mad when you see it? people mis treating others for no reason
117. Do you think that you have potential to do great things? yes i do
118. What kind of person would you be if you didn't have guidance from family members, God, teachers, etc.? i would be dead...no other way about it. or living on the street being a crack whore
119. Do you think people are generally good? yes i do
Z - Zest:
120. Are you currently happy with your life? Why or why not? right now...yes i think i am...
121. Are you more outgoing, ready for anything, or boring and shy? more out going
122. When change occurs, do you get scared or are you excited for it? I HATE CHANGE@!!!
123. Do you like to try new things, meet new people? i love meeting new people. expecialy people who share the passion of music and theatre...hence why i loved doing the festivals
124. What is the most motivational thing in the world? love...love for what you are doing, love of friends and family. love makes the world go round
March 9, 2007
you love me but you dont know who i am
so today was...FREAKING AMAZING!! i watched disney movies all night and today...and i decided last night that i was going back to the sos...cus i wanted to learn guitar...and it was my best decision in a long time. i talked to people about the problems i am having and saw people who mean the world to me. it was amazing and i now have it all sorted out...i hope :P no i really do
i love skillet!!<3
honestly...this song made me snap tonight...in a good way...it made me think...my life aint that fucking bad. i will back to school. fuck everyone who doesnt believe in me. fuck people who make me feel like i have. they are not worth it. i was feeling so low but i shouldnt. im worth im worth peoples time. i am worth being here. and i am sick and tired of feeling like im not. i have amazing friends who love me for who i am so why should i constantly need to test them? i dont. i dont need to put up with anything. im honestly ok again right now. i dont know what made me come to this...i just kinda did. Josh poped online and i was like..."he isnt going to get to me" and he didnt. i am not letting it anymore.
btw i am quitting smoking...this time for real. i am done. in the past 2 days i have had 6...which may seem like a lot but for me who usually is done an entire pack in 2 days...that is a 75% cut down be proud. those three a day are going to be hard to stop but im gonna do it.
also...for those who want to...at a date undecided we are hot boxing my basement. yes everyone is welcome. my friends from school will be comming too...it is going to be a fucking intence day. but going to be fun.
i really hope all you can come to my next party. cus it really did rock. i had more to say in this but i forget.
ok this is the song i was listening too ...it is pretty amazing how it is like my past...and how people have said those words to me...
You come to me with your scars on your wrist
you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie
Chorus:
This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be
The last night you’ll spend alone
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I’m everything
You need me to be
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I’m so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie
Bridge:
The night is so long when everything’s wrong
If you give me a chance
I will help you hold on
tonight
tonight
I won’t let you say goodbye
And I’ll be your reason why
the last night away from me
away from me
it is sooo amazing....look Skillet up...they are freaking FANTASTIC!!
oh yeah...keep up with the memories things. they are making me soo very happy. i love seeing how people view me and i have a bad memory so it is nice to see people who love me leave me some love!! <3333333333
btw i am quitting smoking...this time for real. i am done. in the past 2 days i have had 6...which may seem like a lot but for me who usually is done an entire pack in 2 days...that is a 75% cut down be proud. those three a day are going to be hard to stop but im gonna do it.
also...for those who want to...at a date undecided we are hot boxing my basement. yes everyone is welcome. my friends from school will be comming too...it is going to be a fucking intence day. but going to be fun.
i really hope all you can come to my next party. cus it really did rock. i had more to say in this but i forget.
ok this is the song i was listening too ...it is pretty amazing how it is like my past...and how people have said those words to me...
You come to me with your scars on your wrist
you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this
I just came to say goodbye
I didn’t want you to see me cry, I’m fine
But I know it’s a lie
Chorus:
This is the last night you’ll spend alone
Look me in the eyes so I know you know
I’m everywhere you want me to be
The last night you’ll spend alone
I’ll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go
I’m everything
You need me to be
Your parents say everything is your fault
But they don’t know you like I know you they don't know you at all
I’m so sick of when they say
It's just a phase, you'll be o.k. you're fine
But I know it's a lie
Bridge:
The night is so long when everything’s wrong
If you give me a chance
I will help you hold on
tonight
tonight
I won’t let you say goodbye
And I’ll be your reason why
the last night away from me
away from me
it is sooo amazing....look Skillet up...they are freaking FANTASTIC!!
oh yeah...keep up with the memories things. they are making me soo very happy. i love seeing how people view me and i have a bad memory so it is nice to see people who love me leave me some love!! <3333333333
March 8, 2007
i dont know anymore
i dont know if i am going back to school...i dont know if i am ever getting out of this. im stuck right now in this thing...and i dont know how to get out. i think i might have already missed to much...im so behind. ive got emails into my teachers...and i hope they say i havent lost my spot...cus i dont know what i will do. im just soo lost right now. i cant even see a light at the end of the tunnel. i used to have some sort of a plan...which always included finishing out this year...but right now that doesnt seem possible. and i hope you guys still read this cus i could use some good memories right now...please?
March 6, 2007
lets start a RIOT!!!!
god i cannot wait to get back at school...stupid depression making me not want to go! im such a fucking idiot! i dont need this fucking drama that my life brings me. honestly fuck him. fuck her too. i dont need this bull shit. i thought the problem was the new people in my life but it isnt. its me. i push people away. and i cant believe i fucking did it again! you have no idea how sorry i am to the people i might have hurt. i am a fucking idiot. i wanted to give up. i want to stay in this stupid drama hell hole forever and that is dumb. i want to be involved in it and i dont know how to stop that. i bring this shit apond myself. if i had just said something it would have changed things. i should have said something. this is not who i want to be. i dont want to be the person that gets purposly hurt cus i have nothing better to do. i dont want to hurt people anymore cus i am hurting to much. its not right. this is the final thing. i may have ruined some things that would have been great for me. friendships that would have lasted a long time but i couldnt keep my fukcing mouth shut. and i really am sorry. it may be to late for that and i know this. i have accepted it and im going to try harder.
so i shall see you all tomorrow...that is a promise. and i wont be the same person. im not letting this bother me anymore. it is a stupid thing to get all depressed about. it is a fucking boy. i dont need it. i dont want it
so i shall see you all tomorrow...that is a promise. and i wont be the same person. im not letting this bother me anymore. it is a stupid thing to get all depressed about. it is a fucking boy. i dont need it. i dont want it
March 5, 2007
shut up im updating agian
why am i always the girl that guys talk to about other girls? sure i brought it up but why? why can i be trusted with this and why does it hurt so much right now? i bet it wasnt even me he asked about on new years...it was probably her...and no one told me...and i thought i had a chance...but i really didnt. cus he likes her...not me...never me...its never me
edit: thanks friends...you guys make me feel special!<3333 *big hugs*
edit: thanks friends...you guys make me feel special!<3333 *big hugs*
we were dreaming
so today...totally planned on going to school...i was up and everything...untill my neck decided nope you aint going...but it all better now so i am going back tomorow and i cant wait...i need theatre! it has been a long two weeks without them all...im so happy my friend from theatre history came...that totally rocked!
but yeah...now i can play if i could be like that by three doors down on my guitar...which is fantastic!
so song for you all...Existentialism On Prom Night by stray light run....FANTASTIC SONG!!!
but yeah...now i can play if i could be like that by three doors down on my guitar...which is fantastic!
so song for you all...Existentialism On Prom Night by stray light run....FANTASTIC SONG!!!
March 4, 2007
so yeah...the party...
so it really did rock...i started drinking at 2:30 in the afternoon cus i wanted to...the band got here about...4 ish...them jammed for a bit...i got emo cus i was annoyed...dont even know why but yeah...then i went to the smoking room and talked to mark for a bit...he is totally cool...then people started getting here...and then it got rocking...we had about 50 people come which is totally awesome! they were fantastic people..so the bands played...i have a bunch of videos that will go on my site later...then umm...it might get a little fuzzy...i fell alot...boys took off their shirts cus they are hot...ummm...yeah...lots of crazy ass dancing!! woot jumping up and down while piss tanked!! then i lose hours...cus i just remember chilling on the couch and in the smoking room with fantastic people! then dancing more! then people started to leave and i didnt even notice! so we were down to few people and we chilled more! which was fantastic! they brought out the guitars and we sung along to them which is the neatest thing i have ever done. i loved it. i must learn guitar now lol
then people started going to "bed" as in going with each other. so whatever...i didnt mind most of the people being together...read last blog entry for the one i kinda had a problem with. so we decided that it was time to drink more! the ones that were not all in corners got out my 26 of sour puss and watched euro trip. playing the drinking game that whenever there is underage drinking, boobies or swearing we had to take a drink. well about 30 mins back in we were all again piss tanked! then we watched ice age 2...did really watch it though cus we were to busy playing the truth game...learning far to much about my friends then i needed lol. by the end of that though we were all kinda passing out. including me. so i went out like a light...woke up two hours later. went upstairs chilled...with my worst hang over EVER! i think i had something like 12 coolers, rum, and sour puss, and whatever others were giving me. so i was TANKED! never been that drunk in my life it was fantastic! so yeah hangover city but i didnt puke although im still feeling it now. my tummy is never going to be the same. so chilled for a bit people went home...mandy stayed...josh came back OH WHAT FUCKING FUN THIS WAS! god they were all cuddly and shit and then i went to go check my computer and she is on top of him. i pretty much freaked and went outside. i just could not be in the same room. i went outside till they were gone and here i am now
so all in all it was a great party...im just a stupid girl with a stupid crush on another boy i cannot have...great
then people started going to "bed" as in going with each other. so whatever...i didnt mind most of the people being together...read last blog entry for the one i kinda had a problem with. so we decided that it was time to drink more! the ones that were not all in corners got out my 26 of sour puss and watched euro trip. playing the drinking game that whenever there is underage drinking, boobies or swearing we had to take a drink. well about 30 mins back in we were all again piss tanked! then we watched ice age 2...did really watch it though cus we were to busy playing the truth game...learning far to much about my friends then i needed lol. by the end of that though we were all kinda passing out. including me. so i went out like a light...woke up two hours later. went upstairs chilled...with my worst hang over EVER! i think i had something like 12 coolers, rum, and sour puss, and whatever others were giving me. so i was TANKED! never been that drunk in my life it was fantastic! so yeah hangover city but i didnt puke although im still feeling it now. my tummy is never going to be the same. so chilled for a bit people went home...mandy stayed...josh came back OH WHAT FUCKING FUN THIS WAS! god they were all cuddly and shit and then i went to go check my computer and she is on top of him. i pretty much freaked and went outside. i just could not be in the same room. i went outside till they were gone and here i am now
so all in all it was a great party...im just a stupid girl with a stupid crush on another boy i cannot have...great
boys lie
so the party was amazing...i had a blast and anything i say in here dont think i didnt...it was a fucking blast...but...right now all i can think of is the stupid thing that now has michelle feeling ity bity...cus BOYS FUCKING SUCK!!
explination?
well you all know how i talk about Josh right? well...he had fun with one of my best friends last night who knows i like him. and it just isnt fair. i cant compete with that. i have no chance when people like mandy...who fucking would? no one...not fucking fair that is all i have to say
explination?
well you all know how i talk about Josh right? well...he had fun with one of my best friends last night who knows i like him. and it just isnt fair. i cant compete with that. i have no chance when people like mandy...who fucking would? no one...not fucking fair that is all i have to say
March 3, 2007
somebody get me through this nightmare
so party time soon...the band is here but im not listening to them...i have my ipod on full blast...i dunno why...i just feel sad right now...actually i do but i wont admit it to myself. i bet emma leigh knows...oh well...boys are dumb and i am dumber....god why cant this al be easy??
what a day!!!!
so today rocked!!! the band(s) came over....yeah all three...at different times...basically it was boys playing their toys. and that includes lego...oh yes the 19 year old boys played with R2D2 lego man and a rocket ship that made noise....yeah it rocked!
highlights were...
~clayton and my duck tape fight
~watching Lennie with lego rocket ship and almost crying when it broke!
~josh trying to drive Alex's car...which is standard...and staling it a million times...and then running into my garage and breaking it ever so slightly (he only jumped the chain on the automatic part of it...no biggie...but there is a crack...it was funny!!)
so it is late and i am tired....nighty!!
highlights were...
~clayton and my duck tape fight
~watching Lennie with lego rocket ship and almost crying when it broke!
~josh trying to drive Alex's car...which is standard...and staling it a million times...and then running into my garage and breaking it ever so slightly (he only jumped the chain on the automatic part of it...no biggie...but there is a crack...it was funny!!)
so it is late and i am tired....nighty!!
March 2, 2007
Can I Lay In Your Bed All Day?
*rocks out to falloutboy* WOOOOOOT soooo freaking happy right now!! I AM SOOO EXCITED!!! the band is comming over today and emma leigh...and MY NIKKI!!!! who i have no really seen since the fucking summer!?!!?!?!?! which is insane!!! i honesly dont care if i go to the urinetown thing tonight...like i kinda do but i kinda dont. i love the people but i miss my friends. i have no seen themsince new years!!ahhh that is tooo insane concidering i talk to Josh almost everyday. as you can see i am completly rambling@ but i love it!! mwhahahahah
March 1, 2007
i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take
another family that i care about got ripped apart yesterday. RIP Andrew! i went to school with him. he was pretty kool. his mom is one of the coolest people ever. so that kinda sucks. that is the third person from that grad class to die. *sigh*
so ... i feel like crap today. i feel bad for what i said. i got no excuse.
party in two days...see people tomorrrow...gah i just lost again
so ... i feel like crap today. i feel bad for what i said. i got no excuse.
party in two days...see people tomorrrow...gah i just lost again
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