my mom was right...it just came and slapped me in the face...10 fucking months...i cant even believe it...with all the other stuff it kinda went in the back of my mind...and now poof...here we are...10 months...its almost a year...and 3 months tomorow for sara...holy shit...where did time go...i dont remeber the 9 month...i remember the 19th bday but...wow...it is getting easyer ... much easyer for me...but not for others...god this is insane...
in truth we were not that close...but i hurt when friends hurt and that was hard...i miss him though...i miss the guy who was always cracking stupid jokes...and his laugh...and always trying to get me in trouble...yeah John you...remember when you tried to get me kicked out of math cus i was skipping and helping with YOUR show. stupid jerk. you were an ass John you really were. but you were you. i wish i knew you were hurting cus i would have told you to smarten the fuck up and look at who you would hurt. of all the things you did that was the worse...it was stupid and you hurt so many...many people wont get over this. its been 10 months and people are still crying cus you are not here...its not fair john. not fair to anyone not even you. even peopel who i do not get along with dont deserve this. it was selfish and wrong. but you did what you did and i wish you hadnt. but i cant change the past. and ive finally come to respect your decision...even if i dont agree with it. hope you are happy where you are John. and i hope you know that we did love you and would have helped...even me. who you tormented for 2 years. you were growing up and had your whole life ahead of you. RIP AJ...
(just me getting out somethings that i have had in my mind for a long time...i've finally been able to let him go...it was his choise and there is nothing i can do about it.)
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