maybe i just gotta stop trying to hard. people love me for who i am..not for what i look like or what i do...but for me..only took me 19 years to realize this...but i finally have. i woke up this morning going "great another day...i've already fucked up by not getting up for rehersal...im great *rolls eyes*" but then i go to check my nex...and there is a random comment from Clayton...stating very simply "you fucking rock" it made my day...lennie left me a comment last week to along to same lines. these are people who i have known about and met before but never got the chance to know them cus "they will never like me" but guess what...they do...they are great people and i love them so very much...i am so glad they came to my party...and i got to hang out with them. they say what is on their mind and dont care who hears...hell lennie walked into my fucking house, never having been there before...just randomly...i was getting something upstairs and there he was...im my house...it was weird but then it wasnt. that is who he is and i accepted that. right then and there...i dont usually do that. i dont usually accept people the first time. some part of me is always in the back saying "this person could hurt you" but it doesnt seem to be there anymore. its gone.
just a few mins ago i was talking to my friend ian and i said something that i would NEVER have said a few months ago...i was more taken aback then he was. i have changed. i didnt even notice it but it is there...and i really like it. sure i have lost some of my old friends but the people i have gained in the last year are amazing. all the theatre people and the random people i have met...i am SO blessed to have them all in my life.
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