grrrrr

so my head my heart and my body is giving up on me. my head cus random thoughts are going through many different thoughts of giving up and then switching and going on....my heart cus it still wants someone and wont give up but again the head is making so i dont get it...and my body cus i can bairly make it off my couch without passing out and hitting the floor in pain. my shoulders are so sore i can bairly sleep at night...it is almost the end for dear michelle. i want to be better at everything. my head heart and body need to stop being so blah...i want to do these things....but it isnt working. i want to go out and party and be a teenager but i think my past is making it so i cant. i think i partyed my self out at 12...which is really sad. i cant hold alchol like i used to...i get sick off of vodka for christs sake...god...it just isnt fair...