falling apart

god damnit i keep hurting myself!!!! yesterday i skinned my finger which hurts like a bitch right now...and today...i fell in the shower and burised my already screwed shoulder and my hand...and it fucking hurts god damnit! but anways...it is opening night...and i should be excited...but i feel like i have a hole in me right now. and i dont even know what is causing it. is is just there. i want it to go away. it was really big yesteday and i think it is growing. i thought it was not being in show mode but it really isnt. it would be away by now if it was. and it isnt my friends cus it was there before i left BSS...and it wasnt losing John cus again it was before that. it has been growing since ... i cant even remember a date...it was sometime last year. i wish it would go...i dont like it no more. it is growing and i seem to forget about it sometimes but it is always there. i space out trying to think of what it is but i just cant put my finger onto it. i have so many things it could be but i just dont know. i've said before that i depend on other peoples happyness...which might be it. it is the only thing that comes to my mind. my mood depends on others. expecially those i am really close to. like emma leigh. if she is depressed i get depressed. or chris. when he is sad i get realy sad. i dont like that feeling much either. i want to be whole and happy but...

god ok enough emoness...fuck....happy time OPENING NIGHT WOOT!