I'd Rather Be His Whore Then Your Wife

guess what i just watched?? lol...that has nothing to do with this post sorry...im in a bad mood so i am going to bitch?? dont like it...fuck you!

so im pretty much sick of being left out...i dont know if it is just me ... but i get that feeling alot...and i never used to...not this bad...i always knew they would be there for me...at BSS i mean...im not to sure that mal people are...i have serous doubt...which is never good for me cus i tend to develope nasty habbits twards people *cough*sarah*cough* they just happen when i dont like the person/dont trust them...im a very trusting person at first...which is really werid...i trust people more when i first meet them and then either they gain more trust or they lose it...and i am a very harsh judge...it could be one comment...and frankly i am really sick of it. i've probably already fucked over anthing with people at mal cus judgements are made when you meet someone...and i wasnt me when i met people...well i was...but i was trying to impress...i was trying to get people to like me...i cant help that...well i can but it is hard and i was dealing with some harsh shit...that is no excuse but ... it made my mind completly off...i wasnt ready...i know that now...i again had to grow up fast...im still growing up...im trying at least...but i dont know if i can trust people enough to grow up...i just wanna start over...try it again somewhere else...i wanna go somewhere where no one knows me...i tried here but people still knew me...like nabil...and it is hard to break some things down...i am not the same person i was in high school...or even the beginning of the year...i've changed so much in the past few months...just remember me at the picnic...remember what i was like then? those silly things you guys made me do...even if i didnt know you now i would be an idiot cus i have learned how to be me no matter what...well at least every place out side of the theatre...im hopeing to bring something new to the group of people i work with on urine town...i have only worked with alleah and nabil...i want ... i dont want to say more friends...but i want different friends...not high school people...they are really starting to piss me off...cept emma but that is a different story...i guess what i am saying is i just want another chance...

in other news...i talked to my dad today...poor soul has chapped lips and scrachy hands...awe muffin...he didnt even fucking know we had snow here....idiot..how hard is it to turn on the TV...i also found out that my aunt is living there...it is my grandpa's place that my dad lives in...but i was supposted to move in when i went to school there...he thinks i can fucking affored rent if i move there...fucking idiot...squash another one of my dreams why dont you??? i HAD planned on going to the university of calgary after this...then NTS hopefully...or finding work in calgary...i dunno something...i wanted to move there but now i cant...jerk face...