it hurts to breath

today was hard....i kept trying not to cry but they had us close our eyes and say goodbye and i just bawled. i couldnt stop. i hurt so much to be there yet it hurts more that Sara wasnt. there were so many things i didnt know about her...i wish i could have told her how amazing she was. or given her a hug one more time. last time i saw her...i brushed her off cus i had to get to the show...it was the wednesday matenee and she was at the store and i was in a rush to catch the bus. i wish i had talked to her now. i wish i has spent more time with her. she was my birthday buddy. well kinda...her bday was one day before mine and last summer we went out for dinner with a friend of both of us. it was so much fun. i love her laugh. it was one where you had to laugh along with her. they had her shoes there. how many times did i bug her about her shoes :P you know the ones with all the holes in them? the rubber ones? she would always wear them...she had like three.

good things do come of this...im not taking anything more for granted. i have many great friends and i cant let them go like John and Sara. Im going to force myself on people even if they dont like it. :P lol just kiddding. but im going to go back to smiling all the time. even if things are hard...im going to smile. and im going to keep smiling. and im going to give more hugs. there was a poem today about hugs. and silly things like there is no tax on a hug or it doesnt have any bi-products...it was great. so hugs too all!!