werid weird weird...

tonight was really weird to say the least. it was so hard being back at my school without actually being there. i went to the christmas concert at BSS tonight...and i felt out of place. i loved being with my friends but that isnt my school anymore. although i did end up in the booth anyways...some how the lights just shut off...i think it is the cord from the board to the dimmers...but i honesly dont know. pissed me off though. it wasnt neat up in the booth. i spent three years keeping that place good and clean and now...grrr...whatever...isnt mine anymore...if they want to fuck with it fine by me. i got a better board to work on and all that. and the mic's were not working....not patched right i believe...

was it always like this and i never noticed? god it feels so weird to be back....i feels soooo different now....im not the same person. im older and more mature from like two weeks ago...it feels strange....i miss my friends but ...i dont really miss the school anymore. i dont miss the drama i dont miss the problems. i like where i am. i like learning new things like i am and moving twards a goal. im not attached to that school anymore. im all good now and i love it!

in other news....since i first put this up...i have learned something i didnt want to know...one of my good friends might be dying...and that is hurting my other friends. i dont belive that i will lose the first friend...but hearing other people are dwelling on this and letting it bring them down...it hurts. it hurts to hear them say if i lost this person i could not go on living...and that scares me. it scares me to think of things like this...more so the fact that im not there to help anymore. and im scared that the time i had with these people just wasnt enough.i just wish i was there with hugs again. i would go visit tomorrow but there is an exam i must attend to...if i dont i shall fail. which sucks...sometimes i feel like i was something to hold them all together...like bubble gum or something...damnit when something good happens something bad happens ten fold!