A Toast

A Toast,
To those who care for me,
Even if I don’t appreciate it.

A Toast,
To those who I have screwed over,
Even then they stick by me.

A Toast,
To those who make me hurt,
Even you make me smile.

A Toast,
To those who know me inside and out,
Even if I don’t always see it.

A Toast,
To those who have managed to make judgements,
Even if they are completely wrong.

A Toast,
To those who make me laugh,
Even if I don’t always laugh out loud.

A Toast,
To those who make me feel special,
Even if I cant see it right then.

A Toast,
To those who make me feel like flying,
Even if I am underwater.

A Toast,
To those who see my acting,
Even though others are fooled.

A Toast,
To those who tell me to shut up,
Even though I don’t listen

A Toast,
To those who make my life a living hell,
Even you can’t break me.



i feel like crying but i dont know why. i think i had another random moment where everything comes into play for me. everytime i watch lord of the rings, it always makes me just want to go into film rather then stage. i dont know why. it is just an amazing film...

i love laying down on my bed and just looking at my light. it is so cold in my room yet when i look at this light...i feel warm and whole.

just for those who are keeping up with my life. the hole that i had a few months ago...it is gone...i didnt notice it was gone untill i said whole i the last paragraph...that is how my mind works. im a rather strange creature you know? im a breed all myself and i think i need to be studied...no that would be creepy. i just feel more alive then i have. i can see dark ahead...but im ready for what life can throw at me. im ready for whatever life has in store for me.

oh yeah the poem...well that is just something that came into my head. i finally talked to David...and i told him that...well basically what he did...he hurt me soo much this year. for awhile there he was pretty much my best friend. me and emma had SOO many fights last year...and i went to him...or eric...the day i met David actually i was in a huge fight with emma...and then we tried to set David up with eric...it was funny. we just had so many fun times and when he left i hurt. he came back to the island last friday and didnt tell me...so i cant do this anymore. i do care about him but he cant take up space in my thoughts anymore. my big problem = control issues...holding on when i should let go. i should have let David go long ago...haha to add ironic to more irony..."but its better if you do" just came on and me and Daivd used to sing that all the time...sit at burners with my ipod and listen to music. or in the green room with music...or just sing...we just got each other. it was a weird connection...but...im letting go

the other part of the poem is a thankyou. too all the people who have stuck by me. i know im not easy to handle. im pretty sure i have made a bad impression on a lot of people this year...i dont like that. when i threw away my old self this summer, i let go of the fun part to me. the part that could do random shit and not care. like singing and danceing on the streets...or having boob holding contests or hand badmonton...or so many others things...i went straight from child to adult twice now in my life. dont ask me how i just know i have...

so to all the new people...thank you...some of you have been truly amazing to me and i have not done the same for you. as for my old friends. i never realized what i had till it wasnt there anymore. till i couldnt walk up to billy and hug him...or chase after brad and have a tickle war till we were both crying from laughter...all my friends are truly fantastic...