Sometimes It Feels Just Like I Am Falling In The Ocean

losing it again....i feel really sad...im really missing everyone right now...these last few days all i have wanted is a hug...thats it...is that so much to ask? but no we had to be snowed in and ARE STILL SNOWED IN! gah! i hate this...i have to go to another memorial/funeral thing...whatever....She was my girl guide leader...and so i am going in uniform...but other leaders are going to be there...i dont wanna have to talk about my life...im going to have people asking me "are you ok?" NO IM FUCKING NOT!! i just lost another friend...two days after Johns 6th month...so now i am going to have the 25 and the 27 be absolute hell for me every month....haha next month should be fun...right around Christmas...wow that makes me feel great...knowing what their familys are going through! this is so hard...it is always there but i cant accept it...i cant believe she is gone..it doesnt make sence...she shouldnt have gone...it wasnt her time...then again...who have i lost where it has been their time...one out of...god i cant even count how many...at least 10...and more comming...i cant even sleep...i just need out...and to see my friends...im not going to get though saturday with people...i feel so alone and helpless....