How I Miss Camp Sunrise!!

it is after midnight so i can update now. my eye is twitching...i hate when it does that...does it when i am crying...im not meaning for this to be a sad post...just a thinking post. alot of thoughts are running through my head...hell im a girl...thats how it works lol...im reading a story online by this amazing writer. it is a story with many different charactors that tie together...but amazing none the less...it is about basically waht it is like to grow up. more wonderful is how two of her charactors are gay...and you get insight into their heads about what it is like for them. she has so many good remarks too...like you guys know how i say straight as a bent arrow...well hers is queer as a three doller bill...or the other really funny one was how come gay men hang out in closets...they just made me laugh...she realyl is wonderful...but im not posting about her. one of the charactors fathers died (happy yes i know) but again i got to thinking about Sara. and how her death is affecting me so much differently then Johns. with john...i wanted to give up for so long...i just couldnt handle. with Sara...i just want to keep going and make my dream come true. if not for myself but for her. she was always behind me. i want to live this dream that i have and make it work for me. and i want to do it for her.

anways another thing this post is about is Camp Sunrise!! many of you might or might not know...I am Christian. I do believe in God and i do belive in Heaven. i dont act it much but i am. have been pretty much all my life. anyways...Camp Sunrise is a christian camp that i went to last year...and the moment i steped on to the camp gound i knew i loved this place. it was somewhere that everyone fit in. everyone loved each other. it was truly amazing there. i was ok to be alone there. i wasnt for a lot of the time cus this is one of the many times me and emma got really close. as she has told me the camps before this...she has kinda been alone...but we were together a lot. it was just amazing there. after the three days two nights...i hurt when i laughed...and then i laughed more cus it hurt...i dont think i ever posted on here about it...but i can still remember a lot of it. like me and emma walking around vancouver on our way home in our youth councills t-shirts (shirts from the camp) and of corse they are *ahem* white...lol then we went and had these ice coffee thigns..in freezin weather. it was nuts. but so much fun.

at the camp was awesome too...we had worship and it was a live band. and such fun songs...you just couldnt help dancing. and funny people. like sean. youth paster master! he can balance ANYTHING on his nose. he does magic too...he is not your typical paster either. man he is awesome...and then there is...mike mark matt and many other people....and many mike and marks....i cant keep them straight...dont even try either. all in all wonderful camp...and i miss it tons.

but it makes me more then happy to think of it. i am truly happy right now guys. i really really really am. i dont think i have been this truly happy since school ended. i've now learned to keep my memories as that. not to try and relive them but to make new ones. regret nothing. but learn from everything. i will make it in this life. if i do nothing else...i will suceed at being me.