So Very Scared...

I hate this weather...i am to scared to sleep right now...the trees are blowing sideways and they have come inches from my house...plus...there is thunder and lighting...and...im kinda scared of thunder and lighting...ok scrach that...im comepletly terrifyed of it...i know i know...irrational fear...also scared of moths...dont ask me why...but im shaking so bad right now....so since i hate thunder and lighting i am going to do that hate list...also cus i am bored

i hate liers. i hate thunder and lighting. i hate being awake at this time with an exam tomorrow. i hate the feeling of failing. i hate feeling like i have failed. i hate being judged. i hate being put on the spot. i hate making mistakes. i hate how my face goes bright red when i am embarrased. i hate how i procratinate. i hate wearing glasses. i hate being cold. i hate not being able to drive. i hate being in constant fear of things i cant change. i hate getting attached to people. i hate hard drugs. i hate when people i care about do hard drugs. i hate losing people close to me. i hate being so emotinal. i hate crying for no reason. i hate cold hands. i hate socks. i hate feeling helpless. i hate not finding the words to say. i hate feeling like i cant do anything. i hate that i might be stuck doing dead end jobs for the rest of my life. i hate the regret i live with. i hate driving in bad weather. i hate not being able to see without my glasses. i hate that i cant wear contacts. i hate that i am making a hate list. i hate how i complain all the fucking time. i hate how i feel lost. i hate being in financial worry all the time. i hate worrying all the time. i hate not being able to sleep cus of the worry/regret/worthlessness. i hate crying myself to sleep. i hate waking up after crying myself to sleep. i hate not being pretty. i hate not being able to change the way i look. i hate the way i look. i hate the way people look at me. i hate when people put me under a microscope. i hate being ignored. i hate being left out. i hate smoking. i hate the scars on my arm. i hate that i was in that place. i hate the thoughts that still run through my head. i hate missing him. i hate not being around him. i hate that he has no idea. i hate the stupid fake christmas tree we have. i hate when my mom snappes at me for nothing. i hate when the power is out and we have no heat. i hate being itchy. i hate how i get weird itchy noses. i hate how my sholders crack all the time. i hate how much pain i am in all the time, inside and out. i hate that i have no one to share the pain with. i hate not hearing people say im proud of you. i hate that my dad is the way he is...but i dont hate him. i hate the way my family acts...but i dont hate them. i hate the way i act...but i dont hate me. i hate when peopel take things the wrong way. i hate offending people. i hate feeling offended when i shouldnt. i hate i study peopel constantly. i hate when the rain pounds and the wind blows really hard. i hate that my foot is asleep. i hate that i doubt myself. i hate that i dont liek myself. i hate that i am growing up so fast. i hate how i cant tolerate as many things as i used to. i hate how 18 years of pain decides to come out now. i hate knowing that i can suceed. i hate getting up early. i hate change. i hate being in the same place. i hate that i am a hypocrite. i hate that i spell really bad. i hate how i am/was a bitch to peopel i care about. i hate how there are still walls up around me. i hate that i am saying all this yet no one will read it all. i hate biting my lip. i hate headachs and sore eyes from crying. i hate how i gag all the time now. i hate homophobes. i hate people who cant accept others for who they are. i hate how people never spell my last name right. i hate how i have no idea how i am going to make it in this world. i hate how i act different around different people. i hate feeling like i have to act. i hate not getting comments on something important. i hate choose between two things that are both awesome. i hate when it feels like i cant find music to fit my mood. i hate being underapreciated. i hate being talked about behind my back. i hate how i talk about people behind their back. i hate how i tired for years to fit in and now cant tell who my real friends are. i hate that me and emma have to spend so much time apart. i hate how it has been so long since we had a sleepover. i hate how it has been so long since we partyed together. i hate how i hate all these things. i hate things that i can change but wont. i hate when i give up. i hate feeling like i have to give up. i hate being put on the spot. i hate how long this list is.


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