so today was better then i thought it would be...i honestly was terrifyed to go back to school....i did a lot of growing up this summer and i made a lot of mistakes last year that are still bitting me in the ass but i can handle it now....
it just hit me the other day that my friend bryan has been missing for three months and ian has been gone for 2....and john and neil...fuck...it hurts a fucking lot to think about them...but im ready to .... i have tried to push them out of my mind but i cant anymore...i need to feel the hurt and learn to live with it...they are in a better place....john was in soo much pain that he choose to end his life and i can now respect his choice...neil had so much to live for and so did ian but they are in a better place now...they were both amazing people....all three were involved in shows with me and i miss them all terribly....i miss running into john on the street...i miss ians laugh and how i just couldnt be mad at him even when he bugged me...i knew him for so long and i knwo it still hurts a lot of my friends that he is gone..bryan was my best friend for 4 years of my life and had he not have gone missing i fully believe that him me and ashley would have been reunited and celibrated our bdays together in van like we used too....
i dont know where i am going with this...kinda just getting more things off my mind for a full year of school...i need to get my act together before i move...im so scared to get out of here but i know this is what i am ment to do...why else would my new teacher be a concert lighting tech...that is just sooooooooooooooo freaky...of all the people he got the job...since may my life has been turned upside down and i am finally on the right path to something i really want...